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Future Cons plans and life update
10 years ago
Rants of the Sane, Crazy Tiger.
Well after a recent anxiety attack episode from last night I got to thinking why did it happen. Apparently my new found freedom is a small portion of that problem, and the unstable nature of my future was a much bigger portion. I went from owning a home (1/2 of it) to having roommates again, I'm still injured and got news a 2nd surgery might help my shoulder and a surgery on my wrist should help that too, and the money I got from my settlement is dwindling fast. On top of that I have not been sleeping well, mostly because of the brick mattress I have lol, but also because of things on my mind I didn't even realize was affecting me. It might not help either that my plans to move to FL have been put on an indefinite hold for now.
I made a conscious decision (or as awake as i can be) that I've decided not to attend an cons in the future until I'm sure I have my personal shit straightened out. I've also said I was not going to attend any cons till my partial was done BUT... I think it's going to take longer for me to accept my new life and get myself situated that is going to take longer. It's weird because I used to live on my own 18 years ago and I always wanted to move back out on my own. Now that it is a reality I think I'm scared shitless. No need to put me on suicide watch I tried it once and I can still taste the gunmetal from 20+ years ago every time I think about it, not for me.
I don't know I think I might be panicking for all the wrong reasons and subconsciously I'm over reacting to everything. Yes I might still be injured but i am making progress in the right direction. And I've got a decent personal life, after her and I talked it was better to be FWB's until we find someone else or if we just decide to be together at some point, so I guess that's good lol.
For now I'm going to focus on the good things in my life and deal with the bad shit one thing at a time. I'll still go to furbowls from time to time, but a Con in my future is probably not going to happen till late 2017 unless I get my shit together before then.
Well I've wasted enough of my time an yours if you have read this far then thanks for reading if you skipped it and only read this part, go back and read you lazy ass lol, and if you didn't make it this far you have no idea what I'm saying here so you'll never know I said screw you at the end LOL!
I made a conscious decision (or as awake as i can be) that I've decided not to attend an cons in the future until I'm sure I have my personal shit straightened out. I've also said I was not going to attend any cons till my partial was done BUT... I think it's going to take longer for me to accept my new life and get myself situated that is going to take longer. It's weird because I used to live on my own 18 years ago and I always wanted to move back out on my own. Now that it is a reality I think I'm scared shitless. No need to put me on suicide watch I tried it once and I can still taste the gunmetal from 20+ years ago every time I think about it, not for me.
I don't know I think I might be panicking for all the wrong reasons and subconsciously I'm over reacting to everything. Yes I might still be injured but i am making progress in the right direction. And I've got a decent personal life, after her and I talked it was better to be FWB's until we find someone else or if we just decide to be together at some point, so I guess that's good lol.
For now I'm going to focus on the good things in my life and deal with the bad shit one thing at a time. I'll still go to furbowls from time to time, but a Con in my future is probably not going to happen till late 2017 unless I get my shit together before then.
Well I've wasted enough of my time an yours if you have read this far then thanks for reading if you skipped it and only read this part, go back and read you lazy ass lol, and if you didn't make it this far you have no idea what I'm saying here so you'll never know I said screw you at the end LOL!
BUT the more good things that happen the better you feel :) I feel for your situation and hope things start falling into place for you soon.
I would love to see you at cons again! I will be sad you will not be at FP but I understand. I hope you get to enjoy some meets though. Once you have your partial I think it will help ^^ When Roder is feeling blue (literally and not literally lol) he gets fuzzy and it puts him in a happier mood :P
*Husky Hugs*
Even if I had my partial tomorrow I would still be holding off on Cons anyway. I have to call my Dr for my shoulder tomorrow and green light him for the surgery so I may even have to miss my Big RC race in October that I already paid for and cant get refunded. I dont want to repeat of FurFright were everyone was bumping into my shoulder and too tight hugs that hurt so bad but was very warm and welcoming lol.
It's rare that I get anxiety attacks but when I do I sit and reflect as to why and how can I improve the situation to avoid more. Just when I do have them yes they scare the shit out of me and not much scares me lol. For all I know thinks could start improveing tomorrow and I might be back at cons with ANE next year. I can always hope lol
*Tiger Hugs*
Like you told me, your health is more important than anything. If it means making your shoulder better than its a good sacrifice. Hell if someone told me that I could have this surgery to get rid of my migraines, I would jump at the chance no matter what I had planned. So don't feel too bummed cause you will most likely get another chance to do the fun stuff
.
Furfright WAS a bad year for you, your poor arm! We met someone at What the fur in Montreal that had cancer in his arm and he couldn't use it because half the tissue and muscle was removed (we found this out when we went to hug him and he told us lightly please)
Still is always nice to get a hug though ;)
A word of advice for anxiety attacks.... ( since I've had them since 7th grade and you know how much pain I went through with them and still do) learn to recognize the symptoms first before they get out of control. That way if you feel you're having an attack you can get comfortable and find something to take your mind off it. There's nothing to completely stop them but they will go away on their own in time. So if your chest feels tight, hyperventilating, sweating, stomach pain, any of that just sit down and find something comfortable to you. (For me its ginger tea/ginger ale, sucking on candy, watch a silly show on Netflix and calming my breathing)
Sorry it's such a long reply but I know how scary they are, they are the worst things in the world and I wish no one would have to go through it. There are lots of ways to cope till you get your brain to stfu lol I went 5 years without having any attacks way back, you just gotta break the cycle. I still haven't broken mine when they came back, but one day I know I can
If you ever need someone to talk to about the attacks I'm always here, not many people understand them.