your bones
10 years ago
wolcats are gods gifts to man kind
your skulls are the stones for which I line my path.
your bones the gravel which lines it.
your flesh the bedding to my chamber.
Your soul the pillow for which I rest.
your bones the gravel which lines it.
your flesh the bedding to my chamber.
Your soul the pillow for which I rest.
FA+

first two lines:
"your skulls are the stones for which I line my path.
your bones the gravel which lines it."
You misused "for" For is not the same as "with" So "The bones "WITH" which I line my path.
then in the second line, you lined your pthe with gravel that is bones. You already lined your path with skulls, and they are already compaired to stones, gravel is ground up stones, so this became redundant and senseless. Change one ore the other line. Here's two possible examples:
"your skulls are the stones for which I line my path.
your bones are the dust on which I walk."--changed the second line.
"your skulls are not but markers alongside my path.
your bones the gravel which lines it."--altered the first line.
now, the second lines. These are more about grammar and intent.
"your flesh the bedding to my chamber.
Your soul the pillow for which I rest." So this is an end. you wrote a shot poem...er...poem-let? It's not quite a haiku. It's something that may be part of a poem, but what we have here is all you are showing, so to us, these last lines are the end.
An end should round out the piece and make it's intent clear. As it stands, we are not sure whether you are angry here, or meaning this as an expression of love.
your flesh the bedding to my chamber."-- first off "To" should be "of" "To" is used here like a comparison "You are the creme to my coffee" "You are the bee to my honey" but it makes no sense with bedding and chamber. But your chamber HAS a bed, so the word "of" tells us that the bedding belongs in your chamger as an integral part of the chamber.
--"your flesh the bedding of my chamber."--see?
last line though, this is where your intent get's lost.
Skulls and bones are walked on or left behind, and flesh is used as bedding. These are things I'd say to an enemy. Someone I hate. But "Your soul the pillow for which I rest." is something almost sweet, romantic. Something purred in the ear of a lover as one drifts off to sleep or some such. We rarely talk of souls violently. If we wish ill upon a person's very spirit, we usually so "Your ghost" but that is actually a very odd and uncommon thing. If you are stating in this poem that you have or will dominate and destroy an enemy, this line is confusing at best. If you are stating that everything this person is is something that builds you up, then the first three lines are misleading.
This time, no example, because you have to decide what your intent is, and then do either your first three lines or your final line completely differently for this to work.
Keep working at it, Kogs. Writing is hard work. Cheers.