I'm sorry I have to put up a journal like this I was hoping I wouldn't have too but...

Idk guys..I've been so depressed and crying so much lately that I'm at a breaking point..their so amny
quesitons I want to ask but I'm afarid and I'm almost at my breaking point....after feeling this pain so
many times already for the month you'd think I'd become numb to it but I haven't and it just hurts more
it just puts more salt into the wound and it stings..its burns my chest gets heavy my breathing gets uneven..
I just really don't know anymore you guys...and ontop of all this depression I'm exhausted..its really taking a
toll on me...and it doesn't help I can't get to sleep at nights because I'm either crying,trying to stop my self
from crying,cutting my wrists or looking at the mirror at my reflextion or laying in bed looking up at the celiling
and I just..laugh..I laugh and laugh then it slowly dies down into a sob and I'm tired of that everynight for the
past week I've cried so much..the tears when they start they don't stop and my throat burns my head hurts
but most importantly my hearts heavy with so much feelings and love and my feelings and love is getting
rejected in a way or not noticed and its pulling me down deeper and deeper...I don't want to cut anymore
I don't want to cry anymore but I just can't bring my self to stop beause I need an outlet..and it doesn't
help im on this art block and I have commissions to do..and I'm not getting any inspiration and they payed
me points on da to do this and I can't..I might end up refunding you guys...because I just don't know whats happening
and I'm jsut awlays so depressed/anti-social...I got a puppy and lately he hasn't been getting any attention from
me and he's been whining and barking and whimpering...I jsut feel like I'm butting in..like im not wanted..not needed like a toy that's been used and loved but now you've grown and your too old for it and you have to move on..and im trying to hang on but I just need yout ot ell me if I can still hang on cuz I'll go through this pain for you.. But I just really feel like your happy..and I'm intruding on that..like I don't belong in your heart or in your
mind anymore and...I jsut...well...there go the tears again...I'm breaking down I'm at mybreaking point
and i need to know from you if to hold on..I would really love to hold on and go through this pain but i dont
know if youw ant me to hold on or if you need me or care of...I'm sorry..I can't anymore...I have to end this
here I jsut...thanky oug usy for reading...I'll be gone for a while...I may post any doodles I have..or soemthing I made from a base..I'm sorry guys..and I'm sorry..i just feel like a big waste of space and air...

Thanks for reading if you did...love you guys..