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20 of the Most Useless Dungeons & Dragons Spells Ever
10 years ago
Wizards are the most powerful characters in Dungeons & Dragons, as the hundreds of spells available to Magic-Users, Illusionists, Necromancers, Clerics, Druids, will attest. But for every Meteor Swarm, Time Stop and Resurrection there are a dozen spells that are utterly worthless. Here are 20 D&D spells almost no one has ever needed to cast.
1) Banish Dazzle
“Once this spell was cast the target could see clearly through blinding sunlight and heat shimmer. Reflected sunlight from a mirror had no effect on the target, and they were immune from being blinded by light spells.” So, uh… sunglasses, basically.
2) Basket Trick
In D&D, there’s a reasonably useful skill called Blink, which allows wizards to basically pop briefly over to the Astral plane, gives them a chance to move around, effectively teleporting a short distance and confusing (or escaping) foes. Basket Trick is Blink except you don’t get to choose where you move, but instead pop back into the physical in a random nearby basket. Not only is this a basket-specific teleport spell, you don’t even get to pick the basket.
3) Bowgentle’s Fleeting Journey
Another insane variation of the teleportation spell, Bowgentle’s specific version teleporting one being to a known location for a minute… and then immediately brought them back to their place of origin. It’s the 60-second teleport. Now, you may be the thinking that this could be useful for sending a brief message to people if nothing else, but the distance for this spell was 60 feet, and had to be in visible eyesight of the wizard. You could run 20 yards and be back again in two minutes.
4) Chastise
Need to browbeat someone, but don’t have the time to say actual words? Them cast Chastise (although you do have to cast the spell by saying words, so I’m not sure how much time it really saves). For bonus silliness, this spell only worked on people who offended the spellcaster, making it spectacularly situation-specific.
5) Converse with Sea Creatures
A.k.a. the Aquaman special. Unless you were roleplaying in an underwater setting, which was not impossible but very unlikely, this spell is as useless as Aquaman himself.
6) Corpselight
This made corpses glow. That’s it. Perhaps it would be helpful in the daark, but it wouldn’t be nearly as helpful as the smple Light spell, which didn’t require a nearby dead person as a conduit. Even then, I’m trying to think of how often anyone would need to turn a corpse into a rotting nightlight, but I’m coming up empty.
7) Decastave
This spell transformed a small piece of wood into a 10-foot-long battle staff that wizards could wield. It sounds kind of useful… until you remember how long a 10 foot stick would be. For perspective, 10 feet is the length of the shortest possible pole vaulting pole. Now imagine trying to fight someone with a pole-vaulting pole, in a dungeon, where the length of the hallways are almost always exactly 10 feet wide.
8) Depth Warning
Exactly as it says on the tin—it lets when your depth changes. About the only time I can think of that this spell would be more useful than just paying attention to your surrounding is when you’re somehow in a submarine without a window, and I have yet to do this in a D&D game.
9) Detect Undead
If there are undead near enough you to be discovered by this spell, I guarantee they’ve already made their presence known.
10) Disguise Undead
Got a corpse? Of course you do, you’re playing Dungeons & Dragons. Need him to look like he’s not a corpse? Then Disguise Undead is the spell for you. The only reason this spell would be worthwhile if it is was titled “Bernie’s Adventurous Weekend.”
11) Guise of the Yak-Man
Self-explanatory.
12) Hold Portal
A spell that holds a door, gate or window shut as if it was locked. You know what also does? A lock. And unlike Hold Portal, a lock can actually hold your portal for more than a minute per level of the spell caster.
13) Otto’s Irresistible Dance
In the mood for some entertainment? Then cast this, which as its title suggest forces its target to dance uncontrollably to the exclusion of all else. In terms of incapaciting an opponent, it’s undeniably goofy, but it could be useful… until you learn it’s an 8th level spell, at which point wizards are actually traveling through dimensions, creating giant clouds of fire, bending entire groups of monsters to his/her will, and driving people insane. Making someone do a little jig doesn’t sound that useful now, does it?
14) Quincy’s Enchanting Gourmet
A spell that doesn’t just cook a grand meal, but also cleans up the kitchen aftwards (kitchen not included). If you have ever play a session of D&D where you needed to clean up a kitchen, I feel very sorry for you.
15) Shillelagh
This Druid spell transforms a stick into a club or a quarterstaff, which is to say a stick that does slightly more damage than the original stick. If you’re carrying a stick that you plan on turning into a staff at some point, just buy the stupid quarterstaff.
16) Snilloc’s Snowball
One snowball. A single, solitary snowball, that at least hit its target no matter what. With snow. Somehow, this spell did damage to things other than fire creatures, but still, it’s basically a very embarrassing version of Magic Missile.
17) Spendelard’s Chaser
A spell that mainly cured hangovers and drug withdrawal symptoms. While this would be an unbelievably spell in real life, why would any D&D player choose to fill up a spell slot with this thing when telling the gamemaster “My character sleeps in for another couple of hours” would have the same effect?
18) Ship of Fools
This is basically the same as a Confusion spell, but only for sailors. It makes an entire crew basically forget how to sail all at once. Like so many of these spells, why would you take the ludicrously specific version of an original spell? Why not have the option to confuse people on and off ships?
19) Tenser’s Floating Disc
Need your hands free? Then summon Tenser’s Floating Disc, a medium-sized bowl of force that can carry loads for you while floating behind the caster. Or, you know, you could spend a couple of gold pieces and get a goddamned backpack.
20) Waterbane
A spell that kept wizards from getting wet, even if they enter a body of water. For the life of me, I can’t find any table that indicates there has ever been some kind of penalty for being wet in any edition of Dungeons & Dragons, meaning apparently this spell exists solely for the comfort of your imaginary character. A snowball spell would be significantly more useful.
*rolls D20* 5 *you fall over drunk and pass out*
1) Banish Dazzle
“Once this spell was cast the target could see clearly through blinding sunlight and heat shimmer. Reflected sunlight from a mirror had no effect on the target, and they were immune from being blinded by light spells.” So, uh… sunglasses, basically.
2) Basket Trick
In D&D, there’s a reasonably useful skill called Blink, which allows wizards to basically pop briefly over to the Astral plane, gives them a chance to move around, effectively teleporting a short distance and confusing (or escaping) foes. Basket Trick is Blink except you don’t get to choose where you move, but instead pop back into the physical in a random nearby basket. Not only is this a basket-specific teleport spell, you don’t even get to pick the basket.
3) Bowgentle’s Fleeting Journey
Another insane variation of the teleportation spell, Bowgentle’s specific version teleporting one being to a known location for a minute… and then immediately brought them back to their place of origin. It’s the 60-second teleport. Now, you may be the thinking that this could be useful for sending a brief message to people if nothing else, but the distance for this spell was 60 feet, and had to be in visible eyesight of the wizard. You could run 20 yards and be back again in two minutes.
4) Chastise
Need to browbeat someone, but don’t have the time to say actual words? Them cast Chastise (although you do have to cast the spell by saying words, so I’m not sure how much time it really saves). For bonus silliness, this spell only worked on people who offended the spellcaster, making it spectacularly situation-specific.
5) Converse with Sea Creatures
A.k.a. the Aquaman special. Unless you were roleplaying in an underwater setting, which was not impossible but very unlikely, this spell is as useless as Aquaman himself.
6) Corpselight
This made corpses glow. That’s it. Perhaps it would be helpful in the daark, but it wouldn’t be nearly as helpful as the smple Light spell, which didn’t require a nearby dead person as a conduit. Even then, I’m trying to think of how often anyone would need to turn a corpse into a rotting nightlight, but I’m coming up empty.
7) Decastave
This spell transformed a small piece of wood into a 10-foot-long battle staff that wizards could wield. It sounds kind of useful… until you remember how long a 10 foot stick would be. For perspective, 10 feet is the length of the shortest possible pole vaulting pole. Now imagine trying to fight someone with a pole-vaulting pole, in a dungeon, where the length of the hallways are almost always exactly 10 feet wide.
8) Depth Warning
Exactly as it says on the tin—it lets when your depth changes. About the only time I can think of that this spell would be more useful than just paying attention to your surrounding is when you’re somehow in a submarine without a window, and I have yet to do this in a D&D game.
9) Detect Undead
If there are undead near enough you to be discovered by this spell, I guarantee they’ve already made their presence known.
10) Disguise Undead
Got a corpse? Of course you do, you’re playing Dungeons & Dragons. Need him to look like he’s not a corpse? Then Disguise Undead is the spell for you. The only reason this spell would be worthwhile if it is was titled “Bernie’s Adventurous Weekend.”
11) Guise of the Yak-Man
Self-explanatory.
12) Hold Portal
A spell that holds a door, gate or window shut as if it was locked. You know what also does? A lock. And unlike Hold Portal, a lock can actually hold your portal for more than a minute per level of the spell caster.
13) Otto’s Irresistible Dance
In the mood for some entertainment? Then cast this, which as its title suggest forces its target to dance uncontrollably to the exclusion of all else. In terms of incapaciting an opponent, it’s undeniably goofy, but it could be useful… until you learn it’s an 8th level spell, at which point wizards are actually traveling through dimensions, creating giant clouds of fire, bending entire groups of monsters to his/her will, and driving people insane. Making someone do a little jig doesn’t sound that useful now, does it?
14) Quincy’s Enchanting Gourmet
A spell that doesn’t just cook a grand meal, but also cleans up the kitchen aftwards (kitchen not included). If you have ever play a session of D&D where you needed to clean up a kitchen, I feel very sorry for you.
15) Shillelagh
This Druid spell transforms a stick into a club or a quarterstaff, which is to say a stick that does slightly more damage than the original stick. If you’re carrying a stick that you plan on turning into a staff at some point, just buy the stupid quarterstaff.
16) Snilloc’s Snowball
One snowball. A single, solitary snowball, that at least hit its target no matter what. With snow. Somehow, this spell did damage to things other than fire creatures, but still, it’s basically a very embarrassing version of Magic Missile.
17) Spendelard’s Chaser
A spell that mainly cured hangovers and drug withdrawal symptoms. While this would be an unbelievably spell in real life, why would any D&D player choose to fill up a spell slot with this thing when telling the gamemaster “My character sleeps in for another couple of hours” would have the same effect?
18) Ship of Fools
This is basically the same as a Confusion spell, but only for sailors. It makes an entire crew basically forget how to sail all at once. Like so many of these spells, why would you take the ludicrously specific version of an original spell? Why not have the option to confuse people on and off ships?
19) Tenser’s Floating Disc
Need your hands free? Then summon Tenser’s Floating Disc, a medium-sized bowl of force that can carry loads for you while floating behind the caster. Or, you know, you could spend a couple of gold pieces and get a goddamned backpack.
20) Waterbane
A spell that kept wizards from getting wet, even if they enter a body of water. For the life of me, I can’t find any table that indicates there has ever been some kind of penalty for being wet in any edition of Dungeons & Dragons, meaning apparently this spell exists solely for the comfort of your imaginary character. A snowball spell would be significantly more useful.
*rolls D20* 5 *you fall over drunk and pass out*
It's arguably good for a bard at least?
old school dnd, adnd, 1st, and 2nd.
I've never played any version other than 3rd edition, but the "way" we played it was apparently "as if it were old AD&D". Also we never figured out how to abuse the meta that supposedly makes wizards eventually better than fighters and monks, we just played non-healer casters for the fun of the flavor.
Also, a lot of these spells become useful on the fly, such as Hold Portal, where obtaining a lock in a short amount of time isn't feasible.
You don't see the utility in an undead not wanting to look like a fucking undead? Like a lich that wants to rule a city-state while changing his identity every few decades?
There's literally countless Undead that prey on the living by way of stalking people secretly for long periods of time. It's the basic premise behind a haunting.
This is a weak list.
Hold Portal is actually a decent spell in oldschool dungeon crawls but clearly not all that good for the types of adventures you get in 3.0 and later editions. It's an "OH CRAP THE ORCS ARE STILL AFTER US, EMERGENCY BARRICADE THE DOOR AS WE RUN AWAY" spell.
10) Disguise Undead: More useful from the intelligent undead creature's point-of-view, particularly if they could cast spells when they were alive.
13) Otto's Irresistible Dance: Doesn't allow a saving throw, and causes a -4 penalty to AC, severely reduces saving throws (impossible except on natural 20 in 2e, -10 to Reflex in 3.5e), and denies the victim the ability to use his shield. Hardly useless.
15) Shillelagh: Don't know what edition you're playing, but in 2e, makes a club inflict a bit more damage and provide +1 on attack rolls. In 3.5e, the club or quarterstaff gains +1 enhancement bonus (which in addition to increase accuracy and damage, allows the wielder to overcome damage reduction/magic), as well as increasing damage by two size categories, (Small 1d4 -> 1d8; Medium 1d6 -> 2d6)
19) Tenser's Floating Disc: Imagine you reach the end of the dungeon and find that hoard of 10,000 gp plus other valuable items. The gold pieces alone will weigh 200 lbs (50 gp/lb in 3.5e), and the rest of the treasure will only add on to that. Your backpacks won't be enough to carry all that, likely causing the straps to fail (in 2e, the weight capacity for a backpack was 50 lbs). That's where this spell comes in. It can hold all that treasure easily enough since it's 3 feet in diameter and concave so it won't spill, it's hands free, and it'll easily last longer than it takes to make your way back out of the dungeon to your wagon.
20) Waterbane: Don't know what this edition this comes from but last time I checked, spellbooks and water do not mix. Same goes for magic scrolls and dust-like spell components.
..when not screaming fireball!Granted, that spell would be only usefull agsint a certain watermage I had over a decade ago, who had "waterball" - a fireball variant with concussion/non-lethal damage... and "water bolt", a similar variation of magic missile... heh...
..And.. once Tenser's floating disc was usefull.. for carrying a big loot out of a dungeon after all bags were full... mostly because there was a broken cart (or two) outside and the players spent a while repairing adn summining mounts to carry... quite a moment, but it was fun to see them working to make use of some spells for a more imediate thing instead of going all the way back to town and back to the dungeon...
..another moment they used Magnificent Mansion as storage becuse of lack of carts and stuff... and fearing looters would find the now clear dungeon..Really an interesting list... some might have their uses but indeed are restricted to certain situations...
Next one could consider a list of spells that are usefull.. but hardly used.. like true sight.... ^.^
>Need your hands free? Then summon Tenser’s Floating Disc, a medium-sized bowl of force that can carry loads for you while floating behind the caster. Or, you know, you could spend a couple of gold pieces and get a goddamned backpack.
In 4th edition the load capacity of the floating disc was determined by an arcana check you did when you cast the ritual. The higher the check, the more you could lift. all the way up to 2000lbs if you rolled a 40 on the arcana check.
And you can ride it!
Farewell to magma pits! Farewelltot he drudgery of pit traps!
Zoooom!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEIBnG_d6dU
In Palladium system games, which I have more experience in than D&D, there's a lot of skills, many of which are often intended as 'character-defining' skills; that is, they were originally created for NPCs, or PCs that were not professional adventurers, and got thrust into an adventure they hadn't trained their whole lives for. As a game-master, I felt it was my job to know the skills, spells, powers, and abilities of all of my players' characters, and craft challenges for them that encouraged them to use all of the tools they had.
My players would also come-up with great ideas for their 'useless', character-defining skills. In one group, we were playing a superhero-themed game, and one of the characters had been a business-school graduate before receiving his super-powers through an accident. He had a 'character-defining' skill in business and finance. Not useful at all right? Until the group of superheros confiscated a huge haul of money from some villains, and the player used that skill to not only launder the money, but invest and increase the cash to further finance their heroing.
The unanticipated, unlimited creativity and inventiveness is what makes table-top RPGs so much better than video games, where you're limited to what the programmers have anticipated and written code for.
Tenser's floating disc for example, by nature of being a frictionless disc of force that always hovers a set distance above the ground, can get you out of a lot of situations. Granted, some of that is up to DM discretion, but since it's frictionless and attempts to follow the wizard that summoned it, off the top of my head we've avoided traps a few times by just floating over pressure plates and pushing ourselves along the wall.
How much it can hold also scales with level (100 lbs /level)l, so it's fantastic for any situation where you need to move a LOT of weight relatively quickly, and don't have a cart on hand. I think I've generally always used it more to irritate DMs by riding it down staircases and through dungeons to avoid traps, though. :b
Decastave I suppose would be useful if ambushed without a weapon, but at only 1d6 damage, 1 round per level, and something you have to roll attack rolls for (with no bonus) it's not fantastic.
Shillelagh on the other hand, is amazing. You have it for one minute per level, the weapon counts as +1, and it deals damage as though it was two size categories higher. (You can also pretty well pick a long stick off the ground and claim it as a staff, if the DM allows.) I wouldn't complain about having a 2d6 +1 melee weapon for one minute per level as a level 1 spell. Especially since druids are 3/4th bab, so you'd probably be actually hitting with it.
Detect undead... Sure, laughable if you're just fighting unintelligent zombies. This spell becomes fantastic whenever you're dealing with more intelligent undead that enjoy ambush tactics. ...many of which like to drain ability scores.
Disguise undead... useful when you have an undead PC, or if you're a necromancer wanting to sneak your zombies through an area. ...or I suppose for hiding a lich or a vampire. It's level 2, vs disguise self being level 1, but it's also arguably more powerful (albeit specific) than disguise self if you just need to disguise an undead creature.
Hold portal I've only seen used a few times. It's a great "CRAP, we need to buy some time!" spell, since it can add +5 to the DC of forcing a door, which isn't too bad for level 1.
Of course, any time this spell would be used, my players were generally already frantically piling furniture against the door anyway.
1) Banish Dazzle
Can't think of anything useful, unless in a really, really nasty pinch in the desert.
2) Basket Trick
Can be useful by teleporting a TARGET to any random basket. Just think, that monster a few levels higher than you cornering the party getting wisked away, possibly giving breathing room or if lucky have the thing be miles away.
3) Bowgentle’s Fleeting Journey
Stage magic? Entertaining someone?
4) Chastise
Perform this on somebody as punishment?
Shrugs.
5) Converse with Sea Creatures
Shrink a shark whose int is higher, strap a fish bowl on my head and become a DnD version of Master Blaster.
To quote Aquaman (Brave and the bold version) OUTRAGOUS.
6) Corpselight
Freak the hell out of people. Locate murder victims. Kind of useful really for crime solving
7) Decastave
A compact trap detection spell! Wow!
8) Depth Warning
Magitech subs? Can't answer.
9) Detect Undead
I got nothing.
10) Disguise Undead
I stabbed the king by accident, and the guards are coming. Yeah this happens a lot in a lot of games I play.
11) Guise of the Yak-Man
But are they kilted and Canadian?
12) Hold Portal
Yeah, a block of wood is better.
13) Otto’s Irresistible Dance
Yes it does sound useful. Having a target make a fool of oneself can cause them to be a laughing stalk, wreck moral, stop attacks. Good for a "last resort" spell.
14) Quincy’s Enchanting Gourmet
Ninety percent of the non dungeon actions was cleaning something, because of the mass destruction caused by the party. So might be helpful.
Also good for fluff, having the party peek into the kitchen to see the cooks use this spell.
15) Shillelagh
Cheapskate in me is interested.
16) Snilloc’s Snowball
Pack down that snowball with explosives in the center.
Hehehe. Boom!
17) Spendelard’s Chaser
Could be used as a source of money. Got a hangover? A few silver and poof, gone.
18) Ship of Fools
Could be used to cheat in sail races, but that is stretching it.
19) Tenser’s Floating Disc
People covered this one. A magic boogey board.
20) Waterbane
An entertainer's trick? Something done to fool the masses? Freak out the simple minded?
“Once this spell was cast the target could see clearly through blinding sunlight and heat shimmer. Reflected sunlight from a mirror had no effect on the target, and they were immune from being blinded by light spells.” So, uh… sunglasses, basically.
This could actually be a handy spell to use for someone who has extreme light sensitivity, such as a Drow from the Underdark. It can be considered covering for a weakness. Also, if there is some spell that reverses spell effects, you could use it in conjunction with this to pulverize opponents with simple light sources.
2) Basket Trick
In D&D, there’s a reasonably useful skill called Blink, which allows wizards to basically pop briefly over to the Astral plane, gives them a chance to move around, effectively teleporting a short distance and confusing (or escaping) foes. Basket Trick is Blink except you don’t get to choose where you move, but instead pop back into the physical in a random nearby basket. Not only is this a basket-specific teleport spell, you don’t even get to pick the basket.
This sounds like the kind of spell a prankster wizard created in college to get out of trouble, and got passed down through the ranks of students. If I wanted to be a dick, I could ask the GM just what exactly qualifies as a "basket". The appropriate answer to this is "You appear inside a nearby trash receptacle."
3) Bowgentle’s Fleeting Journey
Another insane variation of the teleportation spell, Bowgentle’s specific version teleporting one being to a known location for a minute… and then immediately brought them back to their place of origin. It’s the 60-second teleport. Now, you may be the thinking that this could be useful for sending a brief message to people if nothing else, but the distance for this spell was 60 feet, and had to be in visible eyesight of the wizard. You could run 20 yards and be back again in two minutes.
This one does have some legitimate combat applications though. Imagine an archer using this to navigate a densely packed area full of elevated vantage points and cover, while surrounded by enemies.
4) Chastise
Need to browbeat someone, but don’t have the time to say actual words? Them cast Chastise (although you do have to cast the spell by saying words, so I’m not sure how much time it really saves). For bonus silliness, this spell only worked on people who offended the spellcaster, making it spectacularly situation-specific.
This is what you cast when the GM spends too much time monolouging as the villain.
5) Converse with Sea Creatures
A.k.a. the Aquaman special. Unless you were roleplaying in an underwater setting, which was not impossible but very unlikely, this spell is as useless as Aquaman himself.
Even outside an aquatic setting, this can still be useful. Rivers and streams can stretch for miles and oceans touch multiple continents. Sea life in landlocked bodies of water probably make for excellent sources of information about the immediate area.
6) Corpselight
This made corpses glow. That’s it. Perhaps it would be helpful in the daark, but it wouldn’t be nearly as helpful as the smple Light spell, which didn’t require a nearby dead person as a conduit. Even then, I’m trying to think of how often anyone would need to turn a corpse into a rotting nightlight, but I’m coming up empty.
"It's the dead of night and raining hard with little wind. The litch and his army approach but you know not from where; all you can hear are the groans of the dead, forced into service." "I cast CorpseLight." "..."
7) Decastave
This spell transformed a small piece of wood into a 10-foot-long battle staff that wizards could wield. It sounds kind of useful… until you remember how long a 10 foot stick would be. For perspective, 10 feet is the length of the shortest possible pole vaulting pole. Now imagine trying to fight someone with a pole-vaulting pole, in a dungeon, where the length of the hallways are almost always exactly 10 feet wide.
You could wreck some serious shit with Decastave with a bit of ingenuity..Throw wood-handled knives into the ceilings and walls and cast Decastave for an instant barrier/spear trap. What happens if you cast this on a tree root system? How about braced spears? Little arrows do nothing to dragons, but a 10 foot long one?
8) Depth Warning
Exactly as it says on the tin—it lets when your depth changes. About the only time I can think of that this spell would be more useful than just paying attention to your surrounding is when you’re somehow in a submarine without a window, and I have yet to do this in a D&D game.
I'd use it to avoid specific areas of the Underdark. Could also be useful if a party ever found itself in a modular dungeon that reconfigured itself while the party explored it.
9) Detect Undead
If there are undead near enough you to be discovered by this spell, I guarantee they’ve already made their presence known.
Not if they are the sneaky, invisible kind, like Vampires in mist form.
10) Disguise Undead
Got a corpse? Of course you do, you’re playing Dungeons & Dragons. Need him to look like he’s not a corpse? Then Disguise Undead is the spell for you. The only reason this spell would be worthwhile if it is was titled “Bernie’s Adventurous Weekend.”
Disguise your zombie as the King for the ultimate political statement!
11) Guise of the Yak-Man
Self-explanatory.
This actually exists?
12) Hold Portal
A spell that holds a door, gate or window shut as if it was locked. You know what also does? A lock. And unlike Hold Portal, a lock can actually hold your portal for more than a minute per level of the spell caster.
I gather Hold Portal is a lot harder to pick, though.
13) Otto’s Irresistible Dance
In the mood for some entertainment? Then cast this, which as its title suggest forces its target to dance uncontrollably to the exclusion of all else. In terms of incapaciting an opponent, it’s undeniably goofy, but it could be useful… until you learn it’s an 8th level spell, at which point wizards are actually traveling through dimensions, creating giant clouds of fire, bending entire groups of monsters to his/her will, and driving people insane. Making someone do a little jig doesn’t sound that useful now, does it?
In a socio-political roleplay, this spell can come in handy. If you go to a ball with a VIP who is a complete wallflower, you can use this to manipulate outcomes. If the GM allows you any control at all over this spell, "blade dancing" is totally a thing, so it could also be used to "inspire" someone to fight.
14) Quincy’s Enchanting Gourmet
A spell that doesn’t just cook a grand meal, but also cleans up the kitchen aftwards (kitchen not included). If you have ever play a session of D&D where you needed to clean up a kitchen, I feel very sorry for you.
Ok, hear me out on this one. The party is fleeing from the castle guard, and you guide them through the kitchen, casting this spell to cover your tracks. Suddenly your pursuers have to dodge half a dozen self cooking dishes and auto-sweeping brooms to get to you. Triple effectiveness by casting a chaos spell or maelstrom into this, or setting the environment friction to 0.
15) Shillelagh
This Druid spell transforms a stick into a club or a quarterstaff, which is to say a stick that does slightly more damage than the original stick. If you’re carrying a stick that you plan on turning into a staff at some point, just buy the stupid quarterstaff.
Ok you got me with this one. I can't think of any real uses for this.
16) Snilloc’s Snowball
One snowball. A single, solitary snowball, that at least hit its target no matter what. With snow. Somehow, this spell did damage to things other than fire creatures, but still, it’s basically a very embarrassing version of Magic Missile.
Ok, so how often could you chain this with a reciprocating spell? Also, a single snowball is still useful for snuffing out simple candles at a distance.
17) Spendelard’s Chaser
A spell that mainly cured hangovers and drug withdrawal symptoms. While this would be an unbelievably spell in real life, why would any D&D player choose to fill up a spell slot with this thing when telling the gamemaster “My character sleeps in for another couple of hours” would have the same effect?
Yeah, the situations this could be useful in are all too specific.
18) Ship of Fools
This is basically the same as a Confusion spell, but only for sailors. It makes an entire crew basically forget how to sail all at once. Like so many of these spells, why would you take the ludicrously specific version of an original spell? Why not have the option to confuse people on and off ships?
What if you want to confuse the entire crew except for those on board who are not actual crewmembers?
19) Tenser’s Floating Disc
Need your hands free? Then summon Tenser’s Floating Disc, a medium-sized bowl of force that can carry loads for you while floating behind the caster. Or, you know, you could spend a couple of gold pieces and get a goddamned backpack.
Can that force be "applied force"? If so, you have a functional catapult that weighs nothing.
20) Waterbane
A spell that kept wizards from getting wet, even if they enter a body of water. For the life of me, I can’t find any table that indicates there has ever been some kind of penalty for being wet in any edition of Dungeons & Dragons, meaning apparently this spell exists solely for the comfort of your imaginary character. A snowball spell would be significantly more useful.
Would this grant immunity to steam or boiling water?