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I am ashamed of who I am.
10 years ago
Brace yourself for human ramblings. I am ashamed of who I am.
I came to really know what vore was when I was fourteen. Before that it was something I saw in cartoons, or did in my imagination with Pike, who was my imaginary friend and now thank god to my ability to draw he can become that much more real to me, I can see him in images and read his voice in my writings.
When I was a kid, vore was very personal to me even though I had no idea what it was, at the time it was just “getting eaten by a whale”.
It was something I did alone in my room with my bed as the tongue and the blanket as his mouth closing, then I’d roll off the bed as the “swallow” and be on my floor under my blankets as being in his “belly” then I would talk with Pike as he was swimming off to whatever adventures we would do and he would spit me out and I’d doing what would be considered “normal” imagination games.
When I was a little older I would write maps and hunt for treasure with my friends, we would all get “eaten” by a whale and blown out of his blow whole as a part of the treasure hunt. So I did share in my vore experience a little, but at the time its only innocent children fun and no one knowns any better or gives it much thought at all.
Getting a little older when I was nursing my creative writing, I wrote a story of a scientist guy and while the original story idea escapes me, I remember at the end he falls in a swimming pool and gets eaten by a whale “in one gulp” I distinctly remember writing that part. Then he would be in the belly of the whale and contemplate his mistakes and blah blah whatevers, and then he woke up and it was all a dream.
I used to read that story allowed to all the grown-ups in my family to show them my creative storytelling, not for the whale part, but I so very clearly remembering that when I got to that part I would always be extremely uncomfortable reading that part. Again, to them it was innocent child imagination, but to me it became something I decided to keep to myself. I didn’t like how I felt about it, I liked what the topic was: being eaten, but I didn’t want to share in it with anyone anymore. It started to feel wrong.
I would (and still do) look at illustrated children’s versions of the Bible and look for the Jonah and the Whale story, just so I could see the pictures of it, hoping there would be a picture of him inside the whale’s belly.
Then I had always found my fascination with Godzilla, imaging him to be the beast that stomped cities and ate people. I always day dreamed about getting to go inside of him.
From there I started looking online at getting eaten by a whale and things of that nature, slowly finding videos on YouTube about “vore” pretty much from there I secretly learned about it and studies what it was and then I came across “furries” slowly after that.
Not really finding my connection with the actual act of dressing up and being one myself, I did at least understand the reasons behind it, it’s a safe place to be who you are.
When I found Vore and what it was, I felt that relief of “I’m not alone.”
So over the next 5 years I have grown and come to know many fantastic and heart-warming people. I have come to know people who were not so pleasant, I have gained and lost friends and acquaintances, I have bad blood with others, things that are natural in any society.
I know I can never please everyone, it’s impossible to do.
But yes, the point of this journal:
All of this, all of me, all of who I have been I have kept to myself for the most part.
I don’t want people in my real life to know about me, or this thing I enjoy called Vore.
I am embarrassed by it; I am afraid and ashamed of what people would think and how it would impact my future.
I know the people in my life far better than any of you would, and this is something they would not understand or accept.
I am one person living two lives. Neither life can meet because I can’t physically take that much on.
My real life would abandon me or try to “fix” me if they knew about my vore life, and I would never be treated the same.
And my Vore life can’t know about my real life because if I ever make it anywhere in the world, I don’t want this vore thing to come back from the past and bite me.
This kind of thing could be career damaging, career ruining in fact. I’d pretty much want to end my life, if in the public eye, my enjoyment of this community became public.
That is how ashamed I am of my fetish.
I came to really know what vore was when I was fourteen. Before that it was something I saw in cartoons, or did in my imagination with Pike, who was my imaginary friend and now thank god to my ability to draw he can become that much more real to me, I can see him in images and read his voice in my writings.
When I was a kid, vore was very personal to me even though I had no idea what it was, at the time it was just “getting eaten by a whale”.
It was something I did alone in my room with my bed as the tongue and the blanket as his mouth closing, then I’d roll off the bed as the “swallow” and be on my floor under my blankets as being in his “belly” then I would talk with Pike as he was swimming off to whatever adventures we would do and he would spit me out and I’d doing what would be considered “normal” imagination games.
When I was a little older I would write maps and hunt for treasure with my friends, we would all get “eaten” by a whale and blown out of his blow whole as a part of the treasure hunt. So I did share in my vore experience a little, but at the time its only innocent children fun and no one knowns any better or gives it much thought at all.
Getting a little older when I was nursing my creative writing, I wrote a story of a scientist guy and while the original story idea escapes me, I remember at the end he falls in a swimming pool and gets eaten by a whale “in one gulp” I distinctly remember writing that part. Then he would be in the belly of the whale and contemplate his mistakes and blah blah whatevers, and then he woke up and it was all a dream.
I used to read that story allowed to all the grown-ups in my family to show them my creative storytelling, not for the whale part, but I so very clearly remembering that when I got to that part I would always be extremely uncomfortable reading that part. Again, to them it was innocent child imagination, but to me it became something I decided to keep to myself. I didn’t like how I felt about it, I liked what the topic was: being eaten, but I didn’t want to share in it with anyone anymore. It started to feel wrong.
I would (and still do) look at illustrated children’s versions of the Bible and look for the Jonah and the Whale story, just so I could see the pictures of it, hoping there would be a picture of him inside the whale’s belly.
Then I had always found my fascination with Godzilla, imaging him to be the beast that stomped cities and ate people. I always day dreamed about getting to go inside of him.
From there I started looking online at getting eaten by a whale and things of that nature, slowly finding videos on YouTube about “vore” pretty much from there I secretly learned about it and studies what it was and then I came across “furries” slowly after that.
Not really finding my connection with the actual act of dressing up and being one myself, I did at least understand the reasons behind it, it’s a safe place to be who you are.
When I found Vore and what it was, I felt that relief of “I’m not alone.”
So over the next 5 years I have grown and come to know many fantastic and heart-warming people. I have come to know people who were not so pleasant, I have gained and lost friends and acquaintances, I have bad blood with others, things that are natural in any society.
I know I can never please everyone, it’s impossible to do.
But yes, the point of this journal:
All of this, all of me, all of who I have been I have kept to myself for the most part.
I don’t want people in my real life to know about me, or this thing I enjoy called Vore.
I am embarrassed by it; I am afraid and ashamed of what people would think and how it would impact my future.
I know the people in my life far better than any of you would, and this is something they would not understand or accept.
I am one person living two lives. Neither life can meet because I can’t physically take that much on.
My real life would abandon me or try to “fix” me if they knew about my vore life, and I would never be treated the same.
And my Vore life can’t know about my real life because if I ever make it anywhere in the world, I don’t want this vore thing to come back from the past and bite me.
This kind of thing could be career damaging, career ruining in fact. I’d pretty much want to end my life, if in the public eye, my enjoyment of this community became public.
That is how ashamed I am of my fetish.
You survived! Have a cookie. 
But once I asked an opinion to a very wise person and he told me a very wise thing; "Each of us has it's own private fantasies and as long as this fantasies don't become soething that can harm us, as long as we are fine with it, we mustn't be afraid or worried".
I found out about vore when I was ten, nine or eight years old and to me so is it nothing but a philia.(that I'm probably not going to share with my family.XD)
And the first time when I was...''exposed'' to vore, if you can say it like that, was probably when I was five or four years old and I had no clue why it interested me so much back then.
But yeah, vore is nothing but a fetish/philia and I'm not going to be ashamed of liking it!:3 And if my family and my friends outside internet finds out about it? Then okay.
So yeah. don't be ashamed and enjoy who you are.
As for liking vore...well...we're programmed to like that, society was created partially to make us forget that, but what we do eat each day was alive in the past.
I would say that this is more fear related than it is shame related. (shame is more of an after effect)
you see, there is nothing to be ashamed of. we are all allowed to have our quirks and weird things we do and enjoy. and who so ever decided to be invasive to know more about those things from you is the one that should be.
its none of their busyness to know what you enjoy. and those seeking to tear you down will only fool themselves into thinking that they are any better.
after while I wanted to make an account to talk to other people with the same desire as me and you, but it didn't stay as a fetish with me anymore as I realize that it can be just for innocent fun and not as a fetish. Ofcourse I still keep this secret to my firends and family.
I don't what it is like adult or what it is like in your life and that I am sorry to hear of what is happening or has happen, but know this you're not alone in this. alot of people went through the same problem with vore or more, but they have found many others that showed support to one another.
I hope things go well for you ilbv and I mean that in my whole heart
I was going through a rather difficult time when my parents would drink a lot, and I would watch/read vore things to keep my self going ^^!
I especially liked, and still really only like, non-fatal...
Anyways, don't be ashamed, but also do not reveal this on perpous! There are a lot of meanies out there that will hurt you just because you're different!
The best thing I can think of is working with a company that has other voreaphiles in it, if you are found out... Like there is a company that is starting to make "vore-toys"...
And also, if you are found out, just move... It isn't like the entire world would know!
I understand that it's sometimes better to keep VORE a secret (still is from my friends and family....I think!) but it's nice as well to find other people who like it as well and connect with them.
And honestly, I didn't really get into it until around high school, so it's still kind of new to me, but I've met some people here and other places that became friends (as well as avoid the bad things that can come from it...)
But anyway, you shouldn't feel that way, and even if you still want to keep it private, be happy with what you are and like!
p.s. ~ There's actually some "official" vore of Godzilla, in GMK: Giant Monsters All Out Attack, Godzilla 2000, and Godzilla the Series!
After i explained i still felt embarrassed. i dont want to be seen as this guy who loves cannibalism either, but somehow i think my parents got it. they seem to realize im a guy with a fasination with eating and being eaten by other people, wheather it's an animal or another person.
then my dad found out. he was... less accepting. he has always been this way. veru rude and distant and rather... "Tyranical"... (he's a good for nothing **********!!!!) he made me feel aweful about it. my dad always has this mean sense to him and i never brought up vore again to them. i hope dad forgot...
Over all the people IRL that i know are accepting of it. all my real life friends (except one) know i like vore and all of them know im draw vore. im proud of my fetish, but still shy with it.
telling hte right people can take the burden off your chest while telling the wrong people can make it worse.
i hope my words and experiences can help .~.
But hell... I've been shy about my fetish since forever... but now I am a bit more open since I found friends and people who accept it who told me I shouldn't be ashamed of it or myself.
So I say the same. don't be ashamed. Yes, hide it from the people who won't understand, but know that you don't need to be ashamed of it, it's a fetish, like any other and like most people in this world have. So it's a normal thing!
Most of the reason for that is that the people around me don't tend to fuss about things, in fact my circle of friends already know many of my quirks and "fetishes" and they are quite okay with that (as far as I know).
Perhaps even more relevant to that is myself, as about most things I can be quite apathetic, as many often remind me.
However, I am still in support of this and many other communities, despite what others may think.
And I stand by the notion that anyone can talk to me whenever they need to, though admittedly that doesn't happen often, but the offer remains.
As a final note, I don't recommend my level of depravity in emotion, but I also think you may need some sort of outlet for your powderkeg-like feelings, if the words you've spoken already have not done so, and the responses to those words as well.
Cheers!
I personally avoid thinking of it as a double life, and merely a fetish despite its somewhat importance. If I told people in real life, they would likely think it was odd, but that's because it's very unexpected. But in all honesty, they needn't know, seeing as you have the ability to share it with others here; another group of friends and family.