A scene reminiscent of the alien scene from Men in Black happened to one of my former characters. If I remember right, she was a Twi'lek named Ner (NAIR) Alyn.

Rolled a 1 to sneak by a bugbear....ended well cause the bugbear rolled a 1 on a listen check

... So I'm running a home brewed game - an Athenian Greek version of "Pendragon". Our mighty heroes have all been in a shipwreck. They are washed ashore along with an old man no one knew was aboard ship. They have ony one blankets. so they make camp in a deserted old temple by the beach. After some discussion, they give the sole blanket tot he old man - they are all young warriors,a nd can take hardship. They also gave the man the only piece of food that they had. The entire group falls asleep in exhaustion.

I asked everyone to roll a dice. Whoever got the highest score is the first one to awaken. Everyone else was under orders to be silent. The dice are rolled, and "Derrick" (the local dingbat) rolls the highest. Everyone else almost jumps out of their skins. But again - i tell them they can't say a word. Ooooooonly Derrick!

ME: "Derrick! You wake up just as the day dawns. Everyone else is fast asleep. But where the old man was sleeping, the blanket is now empty. Where he was lying, there is now a brilliant silver shield propped up against the wall.

DERRICK: "Wow! I look at the shield!"

ME: "In the face of the shield, you see a ghostly image. It is the facve of the old man you rescued last night. He looks at you and says:
'I am the God Hephaestus. Citizen - you have passed my test of generosity in adversity. I therefore give you this shield to aid you on your quest. Three times you may ask a question of the shield, and three times it will answer."

DERRICK: ""Oh wow! Really?"

ME: "The shield says "Yes, really!"

DERRICK: "Oh crap! Does that count as a question?"

ME: The shield says "Yes - that counts as a question".

DERRICK: "Oh wow - i just blew it, didn't I."

ME: "The shield says "Yes, you just blew it'.

The shield went blank. Derrick then snuck the shield off and threw it into the sea so that no one else would know what an utter dickhead he had just been. Another player ceased banging his head against a wall for long enough to say "Hey Derrick - we have no weapons. We could have actually used a shield..."

I miss those guys!

Eeeeheehee.

lol

Was running a DnD3.5 game. Warned the players they didn't want to deal with the kobold cult yet...
The champion of said cult was a kobold half-red-dragon berserker, wield oversized weapon and monkey grip feats, swinging around a giant's maul.
TPKs are not pretty...

I was playing a racist gnoll who had qualms with short races in general but gnomes in particular. Despite this inclination he was determined, for the good of the party not to make trouble when they entered a big gnome city. Problematically, an overzealous merchant was trying to wrest this gnoll's money from him and, in a fit of rage, the gnoll with his 22 strength, kicked the little punter. It was just an affectation on my part but the DM said "Roll to hit."

So I grabbed the d20 that had been serving me poorly all day and landed a critical hit. Then my damage dice maxed out, turning this unfortunate entrepreneur into a fine red mist, in the middle of the day, in the busiest part of town. By the only gnoll for miles. Dressed as a death cultist. Things went downhill quickly from there

A year ago I DM'ed a session that went like this.

Pet Store Doorman: Hello.

Samurai Player: WHERE IS SHE?

Pet Store Doorman: I do not know what you are talking about.

Samurai Player: WHERE IS SHE?

Pet Store Doorman: You can go into the building if you want.

Samurai Player: WHERE IS SHE?

Pet Store Doorman: I just work right here, many people have gone inside and out. Even if you tell me who you are looking for I cannot promise I have seen them today.

Samurai Player: WHERE IS SHE?

*Other players tried to get through the door but the Samurai Player stopped them.

*Repeat for over a half hour. Someone kills the doorman which alerted guards to come and kill the intruders. Those guards were good guys so I just rage quit the game. Worse thing was the Samurai Player wanted me to DM since he had fun being in character.

My theif/fighter was fighting against a slime with a flaming torch, ended up tripping and setting himself on fire instead.

Where do I start...
I can't say they were the worst ever, but I tend to cause things to happen.
Homebrew game with Pathfinder mechanics.

I was a Sea Reaver (archetype of Barbarian) as acting captain of a aspiring pirate ship. Imperial ships were docking to repair and replenish when a an imperial messenger with a fancy title came on board to tell us to move to let them port. He was being stuck up, and when I refused, he tried to shoot at me with a gun. The gunpowder was wet, so he pulled out a decorative one which proceeded to blow up his hand in a misfire. He died as our alchemist somehow botched a concoction to regenerate it. Then an officer comes on board, with his men already starting to oil our deck to burn it. People keep disrespecting my ship! As he turns to leave after another scuffle of words, I chop his arm off with my great sword, and start a fight between his men and ours.

We won and captured the officer alive, but being as in the middle of a dock full of navy ships, we were basically set upon by high-end cannons the likes of which our ship wouldn't be able to handle. A convenient massive storm started in the distance, with which I decided to plow headfirst into. Ships tailing us were too big to handle the instabilities caused by the storm, and we managed to get to the eye of the storm unscathed... If it weren't for one of the other players arguing that in our state, the winds just outside the eye would have torn our ship apart, and basically convinced the DM to have us lucky to even have anything even slightly resembling a ship.

And that's how I killed off nearly our entire crew and destroyed our ship. Campaign didn't end, but I s'pose it's worth mentioning.
Moral of the story: don't talk shit about a barbarian's ship.

"So the party found werepanthers. And then there was an orgy."

"I didn't like the noise the helicopter was making so I punched it and critted. Guess you shouldn't just punch helicopters out of the sky cause that is how you can kill the whole party."

Ones I was actually there for...
GM - "So the jedi you just rescued tells you that the rest of the jedi are blowing up the planet."
Me - "but this is the Bothan homeworld."
GM - "Not for long."
My character misses the ship because she is slow and the party ends up harpooning her in the chest and dragging her on board before the planet explodes.

Me as the GM: "ummm... rocks fall. Everyone dies."
Them: "That isn't fair."
Me: What did you think was going to happen? You set off an atomic blast in a cave system that I told you was unstable."

In this story, we are playing in slightly altered midevil europe with a small amount of magic thrown in. We are trying to get roman troops to onto shore and then onto other ships to help us cight a religious war in Spain. It makes sense with the altered timeline. I swear. An inquisitor got there first and had riled the public against us. We had our group chaplin making speaches against him with mixed results. Our Danish fighter went to the bar to talk to people there almost as a joke. He got a three (a crit in that system) and had the bar crowd roused about the issue. They drunkenly wanted to riot randomly. He then critted a tactics roll to organize them in a specific direction. The player was asked to state what he says. He says that the inquisitiin is to blame. They start to get behind that. They ask him forreligious retoric. Being a pagan from the North, he knows none. Flustered, he looks at the mug in is hand and shouts, "beer for Jesus, realizing that the group chaplin makes such a big deal about him. The people at the bar believe that this has something to do with Jesus turning water into wine and accept it. He procedes to buy all the beer he can and take it to the area where the religiius debate was going on. The inquisitor and his following priests were run off the island by a drunk mob. Thus, a new branch of Chistianity was formed.

Creepy new guys. >_>

My worst would have to be rolling about 12 natural 1's in a row. It killed my ranger character I was playing with in one campaign. Wasn't even in combat as well.

I was once running a game in my homebrew setting with a half-elf fighter (Kal) and human mage (Brennan). To preface this, I was taking a 'roll with it' attitude with what the party did where they were free to travel about as they wished but major things they did (or didn't do) would have long term effects. I was also using a special rule where on a critical you could roll the D20 again to attempt to mitigate a crit fail or enhance crit success. Well, the city they were passing through, a major trade point on the continent, was attacked by a barbarian warband, which they were tasked with tracking down. The barbarians had sent torch runners to raze the city as another distraction for the guards. Brennan went off to join one group of guards holding off the main group while Kal was taking shots at the torch runners with his bow and arrow. On the final runner Kal rolled a 1 to hit. Deciding to test his luck he rolled again to try and mitigate the fail but instead rolled another 1. The end result was that his arrow sailed through the flame of the torch, caught fire, and sailed straight through an open window of the *roll on random table* candle warehouse.

And that's the story of how Kal caused economic instability in the whole kingdom by burning down the largest candle warehouse in the region. It was dark times for everyone except Brennan who had bought an entire crate of candles at the start of the campaign simply because he had some leftover gold. And that's the story of how Brennan became the richest mage outside the capitol.

i thought it would be funny to wake up the mage by "slapping" them unarmed strike crit killed them.

*thinks of the dozens of RPG stories her groups have inflicted on her*

Like the mage who tried to sneak down a gully which was being watched by a band of orc bandits. His attempt to go unseen was by putting a bag over his head and wandering brazenly down the gully. His reasoning was if he can't see them, they can't see him.

A little late to the party, but I've got to share this.

I'm playing a role20 Pathfinder game with a rather large group consisting of a catfolk ranger-sorcerer, a halfling fey sorcerer and his tiger, a half-elf mounted fighter riding a metal horse with his young squire, a kobold dervish bard, a human archivist bard, (yes, two bards), our elf pocket wizard (he may or may not be there), and me, Owen, a resurrected blessed half-aasimar friar cleric of Sarenrae. Its a big group for chat. Its a testament to our DM that he keeps such good track of everything.

After a couple of months of play, the company has tracked down this group of pirate slavers to their island hideout, and we need to get inside, free their prisoners and ruin their piratey prospects. Since there a sizable raiding band, we want to try and take them by surprise while their ships are moored outside their island cave, and make our way in to pick them off bit by bit unawares. The first problem is the lookout stationed on top of the island rock, who'll see us coming a mile away, and the second is the pirate ships moored near. We come up with a plan to kill the guard. I, (Owen, Friar cleric of Sarenrae), and our Charlyle our Wizard, cast some fast swim and water breathing spells on the sneaky catfolk lady to swim to the island while we stay out of sight a mile away on our ship at night to ninja the guard and cut the pirate ships' rudder lines. Now the key is to kill guard first with out raising alarm, then signal, then we move in.

We cast the spells, she swims off, we wait on the ship. We're keeping track of how long the spells should last to know when we should expect the signal. So we wait, and wait, trying to rp it cool, all the while ooc listening to the cat and the DM having a little adventure where she first cuts the line, then clambers onto the ship and tries to set the rigging on fire! That of course alerts the lookout, who sounds the alarm. Then she starts getting peppered by fire from the watchmen, and we're thinking, "she could just die here, and we'd never know". Not the plan. Needless to say, we were getting a little perturbed ooc, but we couldn't do anything since the characters were on a boat a mile away! She then even gets in a shootout with the very lookout she was supposed to kill! Oy vey! She finally doesn't die, signals, and we sail in to find our selves fighting a fully armed and operational pirate base.

And that's where we are now. Long story short, people should keep to the plan.