tl;dr: I want to start a patreon for making games, drawing, and being awesome in general since working my ass off in a corporation til I'm broken to pieces didn't work. Enjoy doing what I love to afford medical expenses.

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I started off as a work-a-holic when it comes to supporting my family. It's pretty much how I was trained to to be prepared for the working world. And also wanted to design and create games for a living. But my career in game development I said to myself will have to wait til I get my family out of dept, and move on on my own. It's what I always wanted to do before I got out of school because we lived poor and I want to solve that.

So the following years, I achieve feats that my work mates haven't accomplished in a short span of 7 years. I helped and supported my colleges in being an helpful leader. I even made more than most my supervisors in salary. That I was able to take care of my family and invest in books for my career in game design, business and self improvement. My family was happy and welcome my support in getting them out of binds, which makes me happy as well. This all start crashing down when I started aching and I could no longer do what I want as effectively. Instead of moving me where I'm able, I was let loose. Details I rather not recalled, but no longer having insurance, my condition escalated and it developed into something frightening bad. On top of that, many of the books I invested over those years are no longer up to date in a changing world of the internet so I got to use what I saved to buy new ones (remember XHTML? Yeah, at the time it was called the future of web scripting when I brought that giant book). Being put on pills and unable to do much for myself and home, my family unfortunately saw me as a liability and it did more than broke my heart since they also saw my hobby less than lucrative and a product of aspergers (stuttering and auditory processing disorder doesn't help my case). I reflect on my life then and asked if this all worth it just to be couch bound in pain for the rest of my life?

I'm not going to give up though. So it took several months to finally get moving and try to get back my energy. There were many brick walls but I manage to be able to exercise with little complications, and I'm able to do work around the house. But now, I need to find a way to get funds in. Patreon looks like a life safer as of now and I can pour my locked up passion in creating games and improving on drawing. Maybe I can turn this into something organic. Who knows, but I won't be looking for whales. A dollar or five will be enough from enough people to pay for medical (and a bottle of 'two old goats'). If I make more than I need then I hope most of it will go to donation for others with fibromyagia (if I know how....).

Currently, I'm trying to get organized and pulled out my poster board to draw and put up. Mostly it's a logo and outlines that will help motivate me in accomplishing my goals. A little happiness is trying to creep in but my heart is still heavy. This IS what I want to do, but will it be looked at positively for a change? I shouldn't care, but it isn't the first time when my environment have encroached into thrift and trouble. Another unfortunate event I don't want to recall. All I need is a bit of faith, and a helping hand to lift me up when the weight of life bares down on me.

Hope I write another journal less depressing and more uplifting. But I always try to at least see the bright side of things.