Remembering things best left in the past. Thinking about people I have wronged and have no right to even think about. I even drew a pic for one of them, how @#$%ed is that? I won't post it of course! Even if we have each other blocked, I honestly don't need the inevitable $#!* storm. At the time I meant no wrong, at least I thought I didn't. Maybe some part of me wanted to hurt them? Or try to unjustly point fingers? Maybe I wanted to hurt them for making me hurt subconsciously? I could analyze all night.

Point is, as much as I have moved along since that time, I still think about them. Why does my brain do this? Does it like making me think about things best left in the past? I am happier now, as I am definitely sure they are. We tried to be friends but none of us were mature enough to handle it. Me least of all. I am no saint, in fact I think I was at fault for a lot of it and what happened after. I know, vague of vagueness but there's a reason for that. I just don't wanna rehash anymore. I am tired of it.

I just wanna play kickball with mah brain until it stops with the what-ifs. Life is far too short and I can no longer hold any grudges against anyone. I have nothing left in me but some lingering regard for their well-being and I don't even want that. It feels like an invasion on them somehow, mostly because of how things went and some of the things I did. *laughs* Even doing the spur of the moment artwork that will never be posted felt like a massive insult to them, which I'm sure they would consider it such. It's not that the artwork itself was insulting, its the fact that I was the one who did it, yanno?

It just feel useless to continue to punish myself and linger on things I can never change and honestly probably wouldn't want to. I just wanna make my brain wall them off but it simply refuses. *head desk* Eh, Nevermind this. Just blathering my regrets and hoping to help get this off my mind. Just consider this a silly old wolf being silly.