FA+
Shop
When does it get better
10 years ago
General
Lately i've been thinking alot about my life.
I don't know why but I got extremely pissed off when I was talking to a friend about some issues and I got the classic "It get's better" speach from him. WHEN?
when does it get better? Because I've been waiting for years and It never seems to get better. I've been bullied and beaten all my life. My classmates through all my years in school bullied me, my parents treated me like shit, my brother yelled at me all the time and even my so called "Friends" tells me shit like "Fuck off" "Faggot" and other such stuff. So when exactly does my life get better?
Ever since I came out it feels like my life has gotten worse.
The one good thing that has happened to me in the last 7 or 8 years is that this year I met my lovely boyfriend, But ofcourse I manage to screw that up aswell. I act like an ass and always say the wrong things, And even though I know that he loves me and I know that I love him my brain still won't let me be happy. Everyday my brain tells me how I don't deserve him and that he is to good for me. It would probably be a lot easier to ignore those thoughts if he didn't live in England and I live in Sweden.
Every night it's the same thing, unable to sleep I just sit in my bed and listen to how my brain tells me that I'm worthless and that I should "end it". Suicidal thoughts have almost become a daily routine now. And every night it's the same thing. So once again I wonder when does it get better? 10 years? 20? or when I'm dead?
The only reason I'm still alive is because I still have a little bit of hope. But that is fading fast.
And soon I don't think I can carry on anymore.
I don't know why but I got extremely pissed off when I was talking to a friend about some issues and I got the classic "It get's better" speach from him. WHEN?
when does it get better? Because I've been waiting for years and It never seems to get better. I've been bullied and beaten all my life. My classmates through all my years in school bullied me, my parents treated me like shit, my brother yelled at me all the time and even my so called "Friends" tells me shit like "Fuck off" "Faggot" and other such stuff. So when exactly does my life get better?
Ever since I came out it feels like my life has gotten worse.
The one good thing that has happened to me in the last 7 or 8 years is that this year I met my lovely boyfriend, But ofcourse I manage to screw that up aswell. I act like an ass and always say the wrong things, And even though I know that he loves me and I know that I love him my brain still won't let me be happy. Everyday my brain tells me how I don't deserve him and that he is to good for me. It would probably be a lot easier to ignore those thoughts if he didn't live in England and I live in Sweden.
Every night it's the same thing, unable to sleep I just sit in my bed and listen to how my brain tells me that I'm worthless and that I should "end it". Suicidal thoughts have almost become a daily routine now. And every night it's the same thing. So once again I wonder when does it get better? 10 years? 20? or when I'm dead?
The only reason I'm still alive is because I still have a little bit of hope. But that is fading fast.
And soon I don't think I can carry on anymore.
