FA+
Shop
What is "Friendship"?
10 years ago
Odd question, you may think. Everyone knows what a friendship is and has a pretty good idea about how to explain it; or do they? The reason why I approach you all with this rethorical question is because I've observed a rather devious conviction that seems to cloud the judgment of more than you'd think. People are very prone to measure the value of their friendships in months and years instead of taking it into account what type of content the friendship actually consist of. It has happened more than once that people rate me depressingly low in their hierarchy of friends simply because they've known someone else longer than I. Some people have even made it clear to me that they would downright refuse to address me as a friend until we've known eachother for a couple of years. Call me crazy if you wish but I really don't see it as a healthy sign if a friendship progresses that slowly. Life is short and I for one should know how quickly it can come to an end; so I frankly don't want to waste what time I have sitting around for years just to experience the day that someone deems me worthy to be greeted with a smile. Chances are that I'll be a dried up corpse on the day where they might consider the possibility of greeting me with something crazy like a hug. Goodness, such wild and untamed affection must require decades to earn.
I'm sure some of you people supporting these unreasonable measurements of friendships are already lighting your torches to express your firm disagreement but let me put emphasis on just how obsolete and nonsensical it is. We all have people in our lives that we've known for ages but does that mean they are close friends who you would share your darkest secrets with? Of course not. I have plenty of acquaintances who've been by my side for years but never really offered me the opportunity to really get to know them. There are friends who I've known for a considerably shorter amount of time but trust tremendously more than these vague shadows that have lingered in the corners of my eyes for years. Don't get me wrong, I do acknowledge that friendships need to grow over time with the help of mutual contribution from friends involved; but to think that it must be done over the course of years is no less than preposterous. You people have adopted a conviction that is frighteningly similar to "quantity over quality". If you NEED years to call someone a proper friend then it is a pretty clear sign that your personalities don't mesh very well or maybe you've got a stuffy attitude that needs some adjustment. The harsh truth is that if you expect people to hang around for ages to await whatever chosen day that you feel ready to soften up, chances are that they'll grow weary of the dull and monotonous interaction you share, then leave your side and close the door for a potential friendship to spawn. If you feel that you don't know a friend properly and vica versa, perhaps you should put at least some effort into making that change. Yes, you heard correctly - YOU! Give people who care about you a chance for crying out loud. Or do you deliberately keep distance between friends so that it'll be easier to justify your own actions when you one day discard them like a used handkerchief?
You will find that friends who really get along well might share a friendship that progresses surprisingly quickly and it does so because their personalities mesh like bread and butter. Not least, because they both share a mutual interest in forging a solid and meaningful fellowship. Regardless if you see my point or not, be warned - I have a very low tolerance for when people measure the value of their friends by months and years they've known eachother, and chances are that if anyone in the future does this to me again, I'll leave your side right away and let you wallow in this conceited attitude alone. My life is too short for that bogus and I am tired of it.
I'm sure some of you people supporting these unreasonable measurements of friendships are already lighting your torches to express your firm disagreement but let me put emphasis on just how obsolete and nonsensical it is. We all have people in our lives that we've known for ages but does that mean they are close friends who you would share your darkest secrets with? Of course not. I have plenty of acquaintances who've been by my side for years but never really offered me the opportunity to really get to know them. There are friends who I've known for a considerably shorter amount of time but trust tremendously more than these vague shadows that have lingered in the corners of my eyes for years. Don't get me wrong, I do acknowledge that friendships need to grow over time with the help of mutual contribution from friends involved; but to think that it must be done over the course of years is no less than preposterous. You people have adopted a conviction that is frighteningly similar to "quantity over quality". If you NEED years to call someone a proper friend then it is a pretty clear sign that your personalities don't mesh very well or maybe you've got a stuffy attitude that needs some adjustment. The harsh truth is that if you expect people to hang around for ages to await whatever chosen day that you feel ready to soften up, chances are that they'll grow weary of the dull and monotonous interaction you share, then leave your side and close the door for a potential friendship to spawn. If you feel that you don't know a friend properly and vica versa, perhaps you should put at least some effort into making that change. Yes, you heard correctly - YOU! Give people who care about you a chance for crying out loud. Or do you deliberately keep distance between friends so that it'll be easier to justify your own actions when you one day discard them like a used handkerchief?
You will find that friends who really get along well might share a friendship that progresses surprisingly quickly and it does so because their personalities mesh like bread and butter. Not least, because they both share a mutual interest in forging a solid and meaningful fellowship. Regardless if you see my point or not, be warned - I have a very low tolerance for when people measure the value of their friends by months and years they've known eachother, and chances are that if anyone in the future does this to me again, I'll leave your side right away and let you wallow in this conceited attitude alone. My life is too short for that bogus and I am tired of it.
I know a person, whom I still call friend, named Dillon. I haven't talked with him in years. He hasn't helped with any problems.. Hasn't been there. He is a life long friend, but ranks lower on the list than someone I talk with more often, who takes genuine interest in my problems, and tries to help me with any issues that arise. In turn I try to be that to them. I put more effort into a friendship, depending on how that friends has treated me.
Most of my friends, I hope, would say that I am the type of person to ask my work if I can get an hour or two off to go help them with their car troubles. I would drop almost anything to go and help my friends. That should make me a better friend than some person they know for years that can't even find time to call and check if your heart is still ticking.
Just my own input.
I do agree that the time metric is a rather poor judge though. I've only been at college three semesters and I know and trust people here better than some I've known for many years. Friendship is a lot more about faith and effort than time. Sure time is a factor, but it's not the only metric. It's much more important to consider what each person is putting into the friendship. That's a much better measure of what you'll get out of it.
I have to agree that the whole idea of measuring friendship based on time is... a bit silly. I've had better friendships with people I've met for a little bit of time than people I've known for years.