If I could wish. If I could hope or if I could dream I would change alot about myself. I would be thin again or maybe I would be fit instead of the fatass I am now. I wouldn't be socially awkward or anxious all the time. I would smile and mean it instead of this mask I wear everyday. I wouldn't have thoughts about killing myself and I would sleep at night instead of lying awake unable to sleep because of my thoughts. I would have a better relationship with my family and I wouldn't fight with them so much. I would be somewhat popular instead of having only three friends in the world. I would be studying or working and not be unemployed. I would have the energy to do my hobbies instead of just lying around day in and day out. I would be free from my depression and free to enjoy my life.

But mostly I would trade all of this away to be able to be with my lovely and beautiful boyfriend. It feels like he is a world away even though he is in the U.K and I'm in Sweden. But in the end I always find some comfort in the fact that we love eachother so much that we manage to make this work and that is what gets me through my darkest days.

And if by some chance my boyfriend reads this I want you to know that I love you with all of my heart and I wouldn't know what to do without you.