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New Home, New Start, Feelings and Moving Forward
10 years ago
Ugh ok so I have been staring at this damned blank journal for so long now. I'm dead tired as anyone who follows me on Twitter can attest to.
Saturday was the big move, I got all my shit out of my ex's place and into my new apartment that I am sharing with the lovely
and 
.
I am still unpacking. But in the 3 days I have been at it I have made a lot of progress. I have to finish setting up my desk but at least my PC is back up and running, just gotta organize all the office stuff and knickknacks.
I am so so thankful for these two taking me in and being so patient with my pacing, mess, and uselessness as an adult. This breakup has taught me a lot about myself and how I view relationships both platonic and romantic. Truth me told I am terrified. There is a lot I do not know how to do, basic adult things others have known for years. Problem was because of anxiety and just how I grew up I was very codependent. This is a chance for me to force myself into independence and I am actually looking forward to where I will end up. The biggest thing the limited space I have now has taught me is how to let go, both in physical things, and things internally.
That said I really do need to get back on track. Money is sort of a priority right now as I have to feed myself and pay bills etc. I am currently on welfare but I want to get to a point where I do not need it anymore. I just feel like I have a lot of growing to do as an artist and as a person so the help is...well...helpful. But it really isn't enough to live on by itself and it seems to be penning be in. So I will be wanting to get back into streaming etc. soon. Hopefully now that I have more space to myself I can get more work done, and maybe even some things for myself to post more.
A big part of my struggle is my total lack of muse, I just have no interest or ideas for myself to work on lately. And I really do not want to post all my scribbly practice because its really just to keep me in the motions. I hope I can break that soon and maybe regain some love for what I do. But while I am still stressed and panicking about life and funds and adult junk I don't think that is possible. We'll see.
All in all I am really tired, not that heart weary tired I was before. Just straight physical exhaustion, once the unpacking and hauling is done that should pass. And now since I walk everywhere I should become more physically sound which may give me more energy to work with as I adjust.
Not sure on the point of this journal. Just updating you patient folks on how I am. I hope in the next while once I am back in full force I can find some way to broaden my range as an artist, learn and polish, grow out of the rut I am in and become more sound professionally. I am willing to do the work and to learn, see where that gets me.
In other news I will also probably be starting up a vlog over on youtube, I will post more about it after I get that going. It will be slow until I get more of a life all in all, but who knows. I also want to revive my gaming channel soon, just gotta decide what I want to play. Links will be forthcoming once I redo my profile etc.
That's all really. Now to go back to unpacking my desk.
Saturday was the big move, I got all my shit out of my ex's place and into my new apartment that I am sharing with the lovely
and 
.I am still unpacking. But in the 3 days I have been at it I have made a lot of progress. I have to finish setting up my desk but at least my PC is back up and running, just gotta organize all the office stuff and knickknacks.
I am so so thankful for these two taking me in and being so patient with my pacing, mess, and uselessness as an adult. This breakup has taught me a lot about myself and how I view relationships both platonic and romantic. Truth me told I am terrified. There is a lot I do not know how to do, basic adult things others have known for years. Problem was because of anxiety and just how I grew up I was very codependent. This is a chance for me to force myself into independence and I am actually looking forward to where I will end up. The biggest thing the limited space I have now has taught me is how to let go, both in physical things, and things internally.
That said I really do need to get back on track. Money is sort of a priority right now as I have to feed myself and pay bills etc. I am currently on welfare but I want to get to a point where I do not need it anymore. I just feel like I have a lot of growing to do as an artist and as a person so the help is...well...helpful. But it really isn't enough to live on by itself and it seems to be penning be in. So I will be wanting to get back into streaming etc. soon. Hopefully now that I have more space to myself I can get more work done, and maybe even some things for myself to post more.
A big part of my struggle is my total lack of muse, I just have no interest or ideas for myself to work on lately. And I really do not want to post all my scribbly practice because its really just to keep me in the motions. I hope I can break that soon and maybe regain some love for what I do. But while I am still stressed and panicking about life and funds and adult junk I don't think that is possible. We'll see.
All in all I am really tired, not that heart weary tired I was before. Just straight physical exhaustion, once the unpacking and hauling is done that should pass. And now since I walk everywhere I should become more physically sound which may give me more energy to work with as I adjust.
Not sure on the point of this journal. Just updating you patient folks on how I am. I hope in the next while once I am back in full force I can find some way to broaden my range as an artist, learn and polish, grow out of the rut I am in and become more sound professionally. I am willing to do the work and to learn, see where that gets me.
In other news I will also probably be starting up a vlog over on youtube, I will post more about it after I get that going. It will be slow until I get more of a life all in all, but who knows. I also want to revive my gaming channel soon, just gotta decide what I want to play. Links will be forthcoming once I redo my profile etc.
That's all really. Now to go back to unpacking my desk.
Hey A vlog would be pretty cool!
If your still in London and ever looking for things to draw I'm sure I could find enough artists to throw an art jam or two!