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Not in the best of moods, vent journal ->>>
10 years ago
I uh, don't really want to write this but i kinda need to let out a bit of steam.
lately ive been a bit moody, anti-social and just plain tired all the time...
getting frustrated at work, angry at my father, i realize my drawings are pretty shitty considering I cant make all the things In my head go out to the pics. and yes that's what all artists deal with, true.
but there's just so much in my head, so much stuff i can and will never be able to share with another human being.... *sigh*
I wish I could request mature art from folks but I have no paypal, and i never have the courage to ask for that stuff either.
or just feeling bad and never asking again :/
I want to do stuff with film but lack equipment and people, I want to stream games and lack equipment and funds...
ive just lost motivation latley and have kinda gotten depressed. I over think things and come off as being a asshole or a creep for it.
like right now im over analyzing my situation and going on a mantra of B.S in this journal that I will probably forget about until either i read a comment or someone brings it up again.
I kinda lost motivation to draw, seems like no one is interested in the stuff I want to draw anymore unless its requests,
Lately ive kinda realized how much I suppress my feelings (hints why all the vent art)
a tiny bit of affection leaked out and now i feel too clingy to someone,
and I realize now its at a very dangerous level .-.
Ive repressed love over the years and now feel like a fool,
Ive repressed ALOT of sexual stuff over the years and now feel like a pervert
ive repressed my compassion i used to have so much of and now feel like an asshole...
there is alot of stuff i want to do but cant, and all the stuff i can do i dont want to do...
so ive gotten into a motivational rut now...
UGH I dont even want to write this crap down but i kind of have too at this point to vent -_-
i think this is enough tho...UGH...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BinturongBoy new gift Idea floating about..,
Masterofwolves99 -> concept still in phase 1
theredknight100 concept still in phase 1
and then there are my own projects, left me know if I forget anyone...
////~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~////
lately ive been a bit moody, anti-social and just plain tired all the time...
getting frustrated at work, angry at my father, i realize my drawings are pretty shitty considering I cant make all the things In my head go out to the pics. and yes that's what all artists deal with, true.
but there's just so much in my head, so much stuff i can and will never be able to share with another human being.... *sigh*
I wish I could request mature art from folks but I have no paypal, and i never have the courage to ask for that stuff either.
or just feeling bad and never asking again :/
I want to do stuff with film but lack equipment and people, I want to stream games and lack equipment and funds...
ive just lost motivation latley and have kinda gotten depressed. I over think things and come off as being a asshole or a creep for it.
like right now im over analyzing my situation and going on a mantra of B.S in this journal that I will probably forget about until either i read a comment or someone brings it up again.
I kinda lost motivation to draw, seems like no one is interested in the stuff I want to draw anymore unless its requests,
Lately ive kinda realized how much I suppress my feelings (hints why all the vent art)
a tiny bit of affection leaked out and now i feel too clingy to someone,
and I realize now its at a very dangerous level .-.
Ive repressed love over the years and now feel like a fool,
Ive repressed ALOT of sexual stuff over the years and now feel like a pervert
ive repressed my compassion i used to have so much of and now feel like an asshole...
there is alot of stuff i want to do but cant, and all the stuff i can do i dont want to do...
so ive gotten into a motivational rut now...
UGH I dont even want to write this crap down but i kind of have too at this point to vent -_-
i think this is enough tho...UGH...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BinturongBoy new gift Idea floating about..,
Masterofwolves99 -> concept still in phase 1
theredknight100 concept still in phase 1and then there are my own projects, left me know if I forget anyone...
////~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~////
I feel a bit odd about focusing on that one, but I can also understand the pervert part too. I myself tried to stop drawing adult stuff after letting myself start that kind of stuff, but at some point, I had to admit that I enjoyed it and be accepting about this part of me. When trying to stop, I would just feel bad about doing it and feel worse when I would end up drawing something anyway. I can call myself a pervert, but I still try to make sure I'm not one of those people that can't interact with other people without making a bunch of sex references. And it's not like me liking adult stuff makes me want to wish pain and suffering onto others, so people that choose to judge me for it are just being judge-y, probably to make themselves feel better. As for drawing, I don't try to stop drawing it anymore, cause i know I just straight up enjoy it.
Also, if you do muster the courage for it, note me. Even if it's in a year. I could draw you a request if you'd like. =3