I'm moving into my sister's old room now, I can create better memories here, more than I ever could in my old room, only some friends know this, but this is something that happened to me when I was a kid, why I considered my old room my own personal hell, no matter how much I tried repressing things. I think it's time to say this now, I'm not scared to say this and I'd rather get it off my chest, at the age of 11 I was first taken advantage of by a friend 4 years older than me, he always did what he could to seduce me even before then, but at that age what the hell am I supposed to think. Anyway at the age of 12 he raped me, not anally, but rape is anything someone does to you without consent, also it's fucking illegal to do what he did, you have to be 18 to be able to do whatever you want, sexually anyway. Anyway, he didn't anally rape me, so I still had that left, but he took everything else from me, my sanity, my innocence, my youth, things I was supposed to figure out myself, gone just like that. He did this up to the point when I was about 16, by then any good memories I had, or could have in my room were a blur, or just couldn't be made like I wanted them to.


Why didn't I stop him, well I was scared one, two scared of what would happen if I told my parents, a child's mind can easily be more manipulated than a teenagers, I took psychology I know this, children don't want to stand out and be different, be shunned, or be bullied, for kids that go through this, someone at school will always find out, especially if you speak up, for those reasons and others, I didn't tell, though I wish I had been more fearless. After 16 I was more confused than I ever was, not to mention I felt like trash, I was used and discarded like a box of tissues, I became incredibly antisocial after that, shut myself off from the rest of the world, focused on schoolwork. It wasn't until this past year when I came out I had the courage to tell my parents, I had nothing more to lose at that point. Last halloween was amazing, all because I made the choice to go to a halloween party, I didn't know anyone there, but after that party I almost did. A lot have become my friends, I couldn't be happier, life is all about the choices we make, then, now, and in the future, we don't always make the right choices, or the wrong ones, but sometimes you'll meet a group of amazing people, because you made the right choice. Being in this new room I know I can make good memories, move on from the choices I've made, and the awful memories along with it.

Please don't judge too harshly, this is a very personal post I wasn't sure on making, or not, but I wanted to share, so none of you make the same mistake, and know if this happens to you, you can move on from it, we are all strong, friends will be there to help you.