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I messed up, I need a system for my days. Study starting up.
10 years ago
General
My study starts up again next week and things haven't improved for me. The last few days I slept even worse than before until last night where I had absolutely no sleep at all thanks to my health problems that instead of slowly recovering from it have become worse again. Not really strange as my mental state influences it a lot and the start of my study coming closer and closer only made more tense.
Overall I always feel a performance pressure, like someone is always watching over my shoulder and judging me for whatever I do right or not, but never telling me. For study it's normal, they need to motivate students to do their things but for me it's a bit too much. I feel the same thing for everything else to, whatever I do enough in the house, if I do good enough for my art. I always have this stupid image of a perfect student or whatever which I think of most. I always think I have to be this good just because I'm what 25 now.
It's because it's hard for me to see anything but the end, what people expect of me to get done, so it's hard for me to see the beginning and I'm completely blind to progression. So it goes for my study as I don't know where to start and what the proper way to do it is and how much time it would take me to get it done. It looks pointless to me because I can only see the end that looks unreachable for me.
Same goes for my art, I haven't properly started to practice it again until 2 days ago. It's way too late but I shouldn't think of that, it's a start and I should keep going.
This entire free time I had I mostly wasted away with doing nothing and a little bit of learning driving license theory as I was pushed more into finishing that rather than my study. I finished the driving license theory book but I forgot most parts because of how this book is put together so I won't get the theory exam done either, I have to put that on a pause for now.
I already know from myself that suddenly working myself till I drop these last few days isn't going to help me, it's going to do the very opposite. I don;t have to perform properly for anyone, I shouldn't worry about doing everything like others do it. I have to do it in a way that works for me, Who cares about how old I am, and that I can do so little even at this age! If I don't find a way that works for me I will keep staring at this and it will keep happening. I need to find a system that works for me, a way to organize my days, my weeks that works for me.
Since I feel a lot of performance pressure while drawing I can't really put art in my (I hate to say this word) relax time. I have to properly There's 3 main things I have to think about in my day going in order from most important to least, my study, relaxation time (this word sounds as if I'm lazy), and art practice time. I also have to consistently go jogging, like 2-3 times a week to start off with. For both art and jogging I have to realize I start from the beginning and that there's no shame at not being good at it, If I stay consistent at it I will eventually become better, but driving myself insane with how bad my art is or pushing my body till I drop while jogging isn't going to help. I have to do things at my own (slow) phase but do keep at it.
In short: I should've done some early preparation for my study, go jogging consistently to slowly start recover from my health problems and possibly finished my theory driving exam in the last couple of weeks that I had nothing else to do at. Now next week my study starts and I have not done any of those properly. Rather than working myself into the ground I instead want to build up a system so I at least get something done at a consistent rate.
Overall I always feel a performance pressure, like someone is always watching over my shoulder and judging me for whatever I do right or not, but never telling me. For study it's normal, they need to motivate students to do their things but for me it's a bit too much. I feel the same thing for everything else to, whatever I do enough in the house, if I do good enough for my art. I always have this stupid image of a perfect student or whatever which I think of most. I always think I have to be this good just because I'm what 25 now.
It's because it's hard for me to see anything but the end, what people expect of me to get done, so it's hard for me to see the beginning and I'm completely blind to progression. So it goes for my study as I don't know where to start and what the proper way to do it is and how much time it would take me to get it done. It looks pointless to me because I can only see the end that looks unreachable for me.
Same goes for my art, I haven't properly started to practice it again until 2 days ago. It's way too late but I shouldn't think of that, it's a start and I should keep going.
This entire free time I had I mostly wasted away with doing nothing and a little bit of learning driving license theory as I was pushed more into finishing that rather than my study. I finished the driving license theory book but I forgot most parts because of how this book is put together so I won't get the theory exam done either, I have to put that on a pause for now.
I already know from myself that suddenly working myself till I drop these last few days isn't going to help me, it's going to do the very opposite. I don;t have to perform properly for anyone, I shouldn't worry about doing everything like others do it. I have to do it in a way that works for me, Who cares about how old I am, and that I can do so little even at this age! If I don't find a way that works for me I will keep staring at this and it will keep happening. I need to find a system that works for me, a way to organize my days, my weeks that works for me.
Since I feel a lot of performance pressure while drawing I can't really put art in my (I hate to say this word) relax time. I have to properly There's 3 main things I have to think about in my day going in order from most important to least, my study, relaxation time (this word sounds as if I'm lazy), and art practice time. I also have to consistently go jogging, like 2-3 times a week to start off with. For both art and jogging I have to realize I start from the beginning and that there's no shame at not being good at it, If I stay consistent at it I will eventually become better, but driving myself insane with how bad my art is or pushing my body till I drop while jogging isn't going to help. I have to do things at my own (slow) phase but do keep at it.
In short: I should've done some early preparation for my study, go jogging consistently to slowly start recover from my health problems and possibly finished my theory driving exam in the last couple of weeks that I had nothing else to do at. Now next week my study starts and I have not done any of those properly. Rather than working myself into the ground I instead want to build up a system so I at least get something done at a consistent rate.
You sound like you might need some more relaxing here and there to get your mind of perfomance pressure imagenation.
I can not say much about studying except that it probally makes things easier if you catch onto a small group from 2 to maybe 4 or 5 people. Where you go and study on a regular base. It most likely makes it a little more fun too.
For the driving linces. the thory book is try, and the best way of memorizing its teach is simply, "repeat".
I went over the theory items i think 5 or 6 times, like doing every day a few pages. When you read the same answers for the 3rd or 4th time you should start memorzing it all in.... At last that how i did my thory test and I have 0 errors while beeing the first finishing the test.
For your art I can only tell you that anyone I showed the pics you drew, did like it alot. I know that a artist often thinks his own art is bad and needs improvmenet. But you should also lissen to what others say. If you ask me I think your art is very nice already. And something you could be proud for. Other people have yet to reach your state of art. Sure there always room for improvements. But that a slow process. I think it take years to improve. Learing new techninques and perfectionizing your own work flow.
But yeah trying to find a balance between study and relaxing sounds imporent for me too. I mean you need to get your university done, if possible well. And to not mentally killed from the study you need to find ways to relax. Be it play games with frinds or do other things.