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emotion what is it?
10 years ago
General
i dont know whats happening to me my head it hurts from thinking um loseing again. i dont know what to do. i really want to stand up and cry stand up and scream let the dagger run me throgh let the fire and the darkness in my head consume me. or is it comeing from my heart? either way i dont knwo why i feel like this maybe its just a phase or maybe not but i can feel myself slipping away. maybe its from me being something im not. like everyone keeps telling me grwo the fuck up and man up. but if i do that what do i gain what do i lose? am to become this empty vessle waiting for the reaper to have me. maybe its from me always trying to help someone. i like helping being kind. is it becuse im just that lonely hermit sitting in a bedroom always thinking? just me and my damn thoughts. i question myself again who am i? what purpose do i have to even continue in this world. my dad he told me a story once. of an unborn child before me but it died and i lived almost starting to question would things been better or different if that child would have lived instead of me? i dont even know why im getting this off my chest maybe-
to many god damne maybes. you know a soul can only fight for so long? mine must be broken worn and tatterd from life hiting you or stabbing you. a broken man stareing into the abyss. i know only the half of what i am. the rest of who i am is not up to me in my opinion but how others veiw me. maybe something has just finaly snapped in me im sorry to everyone for saying these but under a this smile hides darkness that i want to get rid off but always stay with me i just want it to fade. it bites it scratches it burns it tries to tear me apart but im just a shell a husk that tries to keep his emotion to show that i can be better than this. than this worthless peice of shell. im not done not yet i will continue i know in my heart i want to be that person who does great things and to be helpful to be there for others always. but the question in my mind still remains.
should i lose my humanity? my emotion? or should i keep charging foward and not backing down?
guess im just a big lie but in truth id more than give my life for someone i cared about whether it be my family or my freinds expendability is better than watching someone else suffer. ironic isnt it.
none the less i will keep fighting on with my broken sword and my shattered sheild but the thoughts will always be with me but i still think they have to try alot harder than that to kill me im not done
to many god damne maybes. you know a soul can only fight for so long? mine must be broken worn and tatterd from life hiting you or stabbing you. a broken man stareing into the abyss. i know only the half of what i am. the rest of who i am is not up to me in my opinion but how others veiw me. maybe something has just finaly snapped in me im sorry to everyone for saying these but under a this smile hides darkness that i want to get rid off but always stay with me i just want it to fade. it bites it scratches it burns it tries to tear me apart but im just a shell a husk that tries to keep his emotion to show that i can be better than this. than this worthless peice of shell. im not done not yet i will continue i know in my heart i want to be that person who does great things and to be helpful to be there for others always. but the question in my mind still remains.
should i lose my humanity? my emotion? or should i keep charging foward and not backing down?
guess im just a big lie but in truth id more than give my life for someone i cared about whether it be my family or my freinds expendability is better than watching someone else suffer. ironic isnt it.
none the less i will keep fighting on with my broken sword and my shattered sheild but the thoughts will always be with me but i still think they have to try alot harder than that to kill me im not done
So you're depressed, then? I don't think I've ever really been before, but you are what matters most in your life, and everything else, even your parents/siblings, come second. There's no one definitive right way of enjoying life, and that's really what makes it worth living.
Now no more worrying about everyone else's negative news, which is nothing more than their own problems they should be keeping to themselves, by the way, and especially lay off the suicidal thoughts!
*dragonhugs you*