But first, a very old joke.

A car was pulled up as a border control checkpoint by the operating marshals.
The car stopped, and one of the border control officers said to the driver,
"Sorry, can't let you through."
Puzzled, the driver of the car replied, "why not?"
"There's five of you in this car," came the reply, "and this is an Audi Quattro.
Quattro means four, and five into four wont go.
Sorry, nothing I can do about that."
The driver thought this must have been some kind of a practical joke,
and demanded, "I want to speak to your superior!"
The officer shook his head,
"he's busy dealing with the two guys in a Fiat Uno."


and some stereotypes:

"...and the 37 Kurd refugees packed into a Renualt 21."
"...and the black bird in a Nissan Bluebird."
"...and the American stuck in the Smart car."


*



Quite often people dream of the laws and the changes we would make if we were chosen to run the country, or inherited some simillar wealth of huge influential power. I'm no exception. Here's two ideas I've had, on how to prevent two of my least favourite crimes; vandalism, and rape.

While walking through the centre of town, I saw bottles smashed across the roads, cars with deliberate scratches, a gas meter box had been kicked off a wall and stomped on, some railings had been uprooted and bent across the footpath, glass doors had been smashed, and so on. This is vandalism, or "criminal damage" if you prefer, which I do. There's a lot of it, and it seems so needless, so pointless. Nothing is gained from the destruction no matter how you look at it. Studies have suggested that it's the second, and perhaps most significant step, in the decline of an area in terms of education, house prices, wealth, and happiness. I do not know why the general public accept it, and lower themselves when the tone of the area is lowered. But I have found the solution. We electrify "street furniture" with extremely high voltages. If the skagheads want to play with it, they're welcome to. Those that stop vandalising wont vandalise anymore, and those that continue to vandalise wont be able to. This would save money, not just on the price of repairs and cleaning, but it'd also save money on policing. Although, that goes against the government's current policy of "more control, more cameras, more surveillance, and track where everyone is all the time" which is a terrible approach as it deletes our humanity.

But what about in a rape case? Surely that's some justification for extra "Big Brother" measures, and constant state invasion of our lives? Even if so, it's not any more, because I have the solution to rape too. It's cheap, simple, easy, and very effective. It doesn't hurt anyone, nobody goes to jail, nobody gets needles shoved into their parts, or anything. The idea is that there's a web-page, only needs to be one page, where women who fear the raper can go, and download a small image file, print it out, and carry it somewhere concealed in their purse, wallet, handbag, etc. Then, should they get attacked, they can reach for this picture, show it to the rapist, who will then be so revolted, they will abandon the rape and not be able to get an erection for hours, or even days, afterwards. The only problem I can see with this plan is taking the photo which will be put up on the site. Someone's gonna need a fucking strong camera to be able to take a photo of my hideous face.