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Feeling a bit melancholy as of late.
10 years ago
This journal is going to be a bit more serious than my usual ramblings and might even be a tiny bit of venting. Though life has not been bad at all, I've been feeling increasingly sad as of late. It mainly has to do with stuff not related to the fandom or squeaks or any of that. You see, most of my struggle in life has to do with finally getting a career started. It's been over two years since I graduated with my bachelors in biology and it's been hell ever since trying to find decent paying work or any work at all for that matter. It hurts me inside knowing all those years of hard work and busting my tail simply didn't lead to much. It's not something I show outwardly all the time but it's one of those gremlins that eats away at me and occasionally "wins". What probably spurred this most recent bout on is the realization that when I do get accepted into the two grad schools I applied to, I'm still not going to be able to go simply due to not being able to afford it. I just can't justify getting that much in debt right now, especially after how well my bachelor's worked out. That said, there is still hope in the form of grad assistanships but that will have to wait till next fall. That will give me time to prepare financially and get things in order. Like I said, I know none of this is terrible as there are far worse things happening out there, but my frustrations have just been boiling over in the form of a rather melancholy/cynical mood as of late. Now not to be a complete downer, there is going to be a second journal directly after this one that should be a bit more upbeat and squeaky. If I'm not in school, that means I'll be able to pull off a few shenanigans before I hit the grind stone next fall.
*squeaks*
*squeaks*
One of my passions is to become a writer, I love writing, I have numerous story ideas that are running through my head, and I already have 6 separate stories already wrote up needing to be sent in to a publishing company to see if they'd want them. I have my Runehaven series that I am working on; and I would love to find the time to work on it, get it published and out there so I can share my stories with others, but I find myself procrastinating, doubting my own work and credit, and feeling if what I am trying to create and achieve is going to grasp people's attention. Most days I feel like my writing/stories, anymore, is and or just for my own personal pleasure?
All the advice I can give you sweetie is keep striving for that goal you set yourself, one day you will reach it and surpass it, it may take some time, but I am sure once you reach that triumphant point in your life you will be grinning from ear to ear. *hugs*
As for your stories, I say go for it! If writing those stories is really something you enjoy, I wouldn't worry about if they do end up getting published, though I'd love to see it happen :). I know it's easy for me to say not having invested all that work but even if it does come up short, you've still created a world that you can enjoy yourself :).
Oh yes, I don't plan on giving up just yet. I did end up getting accepted into both of those grad programs I mentioned, though, as I expected, it's not gonna happen this semester. On the upside, I did get an e-mail from a professor at the University of Arkansas who might be interested in me so that's a possibility for next fall. Anyhow *gives the wolfy a big ol dragon hug* I was just feeling a bit disheartened with that realization at the time. Now I've got other things to look forward to like possibly doing that custom horsy and maybe going to a con next year. *gives ya another hug*.