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10 years ago
Okay, popular corruption story. You've got 21 parts, come out to something like 175 pages, and I've saved every part to my hard drive. I've been seeing you in the Transformation category for months now, but I've never had time to read more than a few parts. So...let's get started.
Let's see; the main character is accidentally possessed by something that wants to escape and wreak havoc, and...
Okay, story, what's the main way you show the lead's corruption?
She has thoughts! Dark, nasty, corrupted thoughts!
What else?
She has fantasies too!
About what?
Corruption!
Can you be more specific?
Thoughts! And fantasies! And fantasies and thoughts!
In other words, you're telling me that in the entire story, you don't actually describe these lewd ideas in any detail?
Basically!
You just keep going "dark, nasty thoughts and fantasies went through her mind"?
Basically!
Have you ever heard of the writing advice "show, don't tell?"
Nope!
Are there any transformations at all?
Oh yeah! Thousands of 'em!
Do tell!
In the backstory!
...How many do we see?
One! In a side story flashback!
Uh...huh. Are there...any transformations...taking place...in the story's present?
Yes!
Good.
They're all offscre-hey, wait, where are you going?
Heck, towards the latter parts of the story, we're told that hundreds if not thousands of people are being corrupted, but we never see how. The main character was already being corrupted in a less magical way by her friend before the demon lady got to her, but, again, we're just told that and shown the results. Not even a flashback to the moment he first made her think "hey, maybe I like girls too!". We're also told that he likes to be the center of attention, but that isn't really shown until after his transformation, and not even much then.
If you're familiar with The Process forum, one cardinal rule is that the actual process of transformation has to be shown, not just a before and after. This story keeps glossing over both the physical and mental TF, and it's such a waste of potential, especially since someone clearly spent a lot of money on it and the writer does perfectly well with other stories. Even the smutty bits feel flat, though that might just be my tastes.
Still, the story seems to be well liked by folks who aren't me, which once again makes me wonder how much I write what I write because I'm basically going "gimme me the controller, I'll show you how to do this properly."
Let's see; the main character is accidentally possessed by something that wants to escape and wreak havoc, and...
Okay, story, what's the main way you show the lead's corruption?
She has thoughts! Dark, nasty, corrupted thoughts!
What else?
She has fantasies too!
About what?
Corruption!
Can you be more specific?
Thoughts! And fantasies! And fantasies and thoughts!
In other words, you're telling me that in the entire story, you don't actually describe these lewd ideas in any detail?
Basically!
You just keep going "dark, nasty thoughts and fantasies went through her mind"?
Basically!
Have you ever heard of the writing advice "show, don't tell?"
Nope!
Are there any transformations at all?
Oh yeah! Thousands of 'em!
Do tell!
In the backstory!
...How many do we see?
One! In a side story flashback!
Uh...huh. Are there...any transformations...taking place...in the story's present?
Yes!
Good.
They're all offscre-hey, wait, where are you going?
Heck, towards the latter parts of the story, we're told that hundreds if not thousands of people are being corrupted, but we never see how. The main character was already being corrupted in a less magical way by her friend before the demon lady got to her, but, again, we're just told that and shown the results. Not even a flashback to the moment he first made her think "hey, maybe I like girls too!". We're also told that he likes to be the center of attention, but that isn't really shown until after his transformation, and not even much then.
If you're familiar with The Process forum, one cardinal rule is that the actual process of transformation has to be shown, not just a before and after. This story keeps glossing over both the physical and mental TF, and it's such a waste of potential, especially since someone clearly spent a lot of money on it and the writer does perfectly well with other stories. Even the smutty bits feel flat, though that might just be my tastes.
Still, the story seems to be well liked by folks who aren't me, which once again makes me wonder how much I write what I write because I'm basically going "gimme me the controller, I'll show you how to do this properly."
