Lately I have been feeling tiered. Very very tiered and I just don't mean physically tiered. My mind has grown oh so tiered and numb
I can't seem to do anything anymore. I try to leave the house as little as possible because I can't stand being out in public.
Whenever I go out my paranoia eats at me telling me that people are silently judging me, laughing at me. I don't know what that says
about me except that I don't like myself. So I try to avoid going out. But at the same time my home feels like a prison with no escape and I can't stand it.
Oh well I lack the energy to do anything anyway. I feel as if I'm on autopilot every day doing the same things and I've become so used to it that I barely even notice it anymore.
When I first sought help for my psychological issues I didn't think I could sink any lower. I had hope, hope of getting well and being able to live my life.
Now I realise all of that was foolish dreaming. I will never get well, I'll be like this for the rest of my miserable existance. But who the hell cares,
they could throw me into a cell in a psych ward and forget about me because no one would ever care. My family and few "friends" would be happy to get rid of me.
So why not just do it myself. I don't care anymore and no one else does.

I tried shouting and calling for help once upon a time but I was greeted by the silence from an empty void.

All it takes is a single bullet
A precise knife cut
A rope and a tree
Some medicine
Or just one step from the ledge

And then it will all be over. I would disappear from this nightmare and forever sleep in eternal dreams.
No more pain, no more nightmares.

And I know some would call this a cowards way out and I agree.
I'm just so tiered of being brave.