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Happy new year!
19 years ago
Hi again,
first of all: a happy new year to all of you!
I came back from holiday a couple of days ago and have been reading through the overwhelming amount of comments you guys posted on my last journal here since then. To be honest, right now I'm still kind of confused and don't really know what to think. One part inside me keeps telling me I should leave FA while the other part tells me not to do so. And this changes from day to day.
Again, I'm sorry for all this and I'm sorry for upsetting many of you again even though I said I would try to keep myself from ever repeating this. I absolutely understand if you consider "unwatching" me or already have done so because I'm being such an annoying drama-queen most of the time. One day I go like "waaaah, I'm leaving now, bye" and the next day it's quite the opposite again. I can imagine how ridiculous it must be to read through those journals I wrote, especially since I never give any real reasons for leaving.
A couple of people have been asking me what the reason behind all this is. To put it short: I'm and have always been a person with rather little self-confidence and thus tend to have the feeling that pretty much everything I do is less important, less interesting or generally of a lower priority than something somebody else does. Whatever. So this whole thing with leaving FA is sort of my reaction when I get overly frustrated. The one responsible for this frustration neither is this site nor the community, the one responsible for this whole misery - that's me.
Like many of you said, it absolutely is something I have to cope with at some point or I'll never be happy with my art, no matter what level I've reached and what other people say about it. I guess that being happy with what you do, be it art or something else, should be one of your main goals, no matter how well or little known you've become as an artist, musician etc. And that's something I still have to learn.
So instead of leaving completely, I figured out I'll take a break from FA for a month or two to sort things out. I hope that's ok. I'll re-watch all those who were on my watchlist once I'm back.
Until then, take care! ;)
- AmF
first of all: a happy new year to all of you!
I came back from holiday a couple of days ago and have been reading through the overwhelming amount of comments you guys posted on my last journal here since then. To be honest, right now I'm still kind of confused and don't really know what to think. One part inside me keeps telling me I should leave FA while the other part tells me not to do so. And this changes from day to day.
Again, I'm sorry for all this and I'm sorry for upsetting many of you again even though I said I would try to keep myself from ever repeating this. I absolutely understand if you consider "unwatching" me or already have done so because I'm being such an annoying drama-queen most of the time. One day I go like "waaaah, I'm leaving now, bye" and the next day it's quite the opposite again. I can imagine how ridiculous it must be to read through those journals I wrote, especially since I never give any real reasons for leaving.
A couple of people have been asking me what the reason behind all this is. To put it short: I'm and have always been a person with rather little self-confidence and thus tend to have the feeling that pretty much everything I do is less important, less interesting or generally of a lower priority than something somebody else does. Whatever. So this whole thing with leaving FA is sort of my reaction when I get overly frustrated. The one responsible for this frustration neither is this site nor the community, the one responsible for this whole misery - that's me.
Like many of you said, it absolutely is something I have to cope with at some point or I'll never be happy with my art, no matter what level I've reached and what other people say about it. I guess that being happy with what you do, be it art or something else, should be one of your main goals, no matter how well or little known you've become as an artist, musician etc. And that's something I still have to learn.
So instead of leaving completely, I figured out I'll take a break from FA for a month or two to sort things out. I hope that's ok. I'll re-watch all those who were on my watchlist once I'm back.
Until then, take care! ;)
- AmF
All I can say is that everything is relative, and I really enjoy your art a lot. Have a refreshing break, and then attack with all your skills and prove to yourself that you do, in fact, kick ass.
And, I understand! You are not alone in how you feel. This does not trivialize what you're feeling at all--rather, I think I understand all the more. I have lots of friends who feel the same way about their art, and it is terribly frustrating!
Just remember a lot of it also is not just confidence, but often expectations are set way too high. All good artists critique their own work, but some get so down on their own stuff it makes it hard to want to keep drawing. Part of it is finding a balance. Most artists are not ever truly 100% happy with their stuff--and if they are it usually doesn't last too long--and it's that tiny little bit of unhappiness which makes us think, "Hey, I can do this better!"
We are also SO used to looking at own stuff, we can see all the glaring flaws. But to someone who may be looking at the art for the first time very likely may not even notice. But we think, "How??" I think that when artists sometimes look at art they admire, they see something else the other artist does better that they may think they may be lacking in themselves.
Thus, we see artists who are "better", but in reality all artists probably wish they could do *something* better. As artists get more skilled, I've noticed that they get more skilled at hiding their deficiencies so that at a glance no one would notice.
I hope this helps, and I hope you ultimately decide to stay. =) Whatever you do, keep drawing and practicing anyway! =)
Komm mal wieder online im icq ;3