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I hope you're having a wonderful Thanksgiving...
10 years ago
General
I really do.
I'm trying to deal with my emotions now and not resent everyone who's happy, because gods I know it's not anyone's fault but that doesn't make the hurt go away.
I found out this morning that my aunt died.
And I guess it didn't really hit me til about half an hour ago, where I went from emotionally numb, to hating literally all my friends who are happy and carefree right now, to sobbing into a pot of fucking pasta, to numb again, and to where I am right now which is... honestly, suicidal. Suicidal and sad and hurt and confused, all in one.
Every year since 2012, I've lost a family member in Autumn. Plus a good friend, in December 2012.
Without fail. I hate September, loathe October, and now I guess I hate November too for more than just a house fire.
I don't know what the universe is trying to say. But I hate it. I hate every fucking second of it.
I hate Autumn. I hate Thanksgiving. I hate everything.
I want to die.
I miss them so much.
MTT3
~mtt3
*offers you a gentle hug*
