In all honesty I pretty much wanted to disappear. Instead of letting you all down on a constant basis I felt I needed to just go away. Start a new profile and just hide away from the embarrassment and frustration of being a disappointment for my FA friends. I'm anxiety riddled, frustrated, hating myself, and just not sure how to make things right anymore. So I desperately wanted a clean slate. The whole fight or flight thing. I can't bear to look you all in the face anymore because I feel so ashamed for the way I've handled myself around here. I don't need any of you reminding me just how loathsome I am or how I've failed to fulfill most of the challenges I try and set forth because it's something I torment myself with on a daily basis. You deserve better. You don't need me flapping my gums with empty promises anymore and I don't want to be that way. Yeah life sucks for me right now, I'm dealing with so much more than I can handle and it just won't stop! It's like I've become the worlds most unluckiest person with one horrible thing happening after another and it wears thin. You don't need someone like me writing journals of how miserable my life is or once again trying to fight a spark of creativity. I use you to help ignite the fire that dies down while dealing with life's predicaments and before I can put pencil to paper something else happens and I can't or don't want to keep repeating the same damn cycles! I'm a fucking horrible mess and I've let all of you down. Because of all this I wanted to run away and start anew, to get a clean slate and perhaps find escapism instead of pressure and an overwhelming feeling of being a failure. I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry.