I'm hurting, right now.

I thought I was ready to move on...- But I could never be more wrong. I still love him. I hate myself for it. He's over me, but I can't help but think about him everyday of my god damn life. I feel hopeless. It's funny really; that how someone can make you feel like you're worth something, but without them, you feel like slitting your wrists. I would give anything to get him back. I want to be there for him. I want to be with him until the end. I want to make him see how lovely and perfect he really is. I want to put my hand on his and say; "I'm so happy you came back." But I can't. I can't and I know it. I underestimated the word 'love.' I didn't know. I didn't realize how much I wanted him. How much I needed him. No, I didn't realize it until it was too late. I bet he hates me. I bet if I called him again, he'll say; "Just give it up. I told you I wasn't coming back, no chance." He did. He said there wasn't a chance anymore...Not for us. I hurt him too many times. Made too many mistakes. I told him there were some mistakes you couldn't fix, and I made the worst one of my god damn life. He was perfect, and he still is. I fucking hate myself; I hate my face, my body, my voice, my gender. Why the fuck can't I be a boy!? Why the fuck did that bearded asshole make me like this? I'm not ready to move on. Please....I'm sorry I'm like this. I'm sorry I'm weak. I'm sorry I'm a little girl! Please forgive me...

Goodnight, guys. Sorry for the rant. I just needed to get it out.