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Hooray
10 years ago
Yay
Remember when I posted a really angsty journal that was me basically self-destructing under all the pressure of life that's been getting worse all the damn time for years now?
Apparently, I also sent an e-mail to my ex in which I told her I couldn't continue hanging out. It was very poorly written and definitely had anger in it like "OK I get it, you don't like me like me, so, wtf are we even doing hanging out?"
Yayyyyy.....
What a dodo bird! I seriously gotta either never touch alcohol again or turn my phone off late at night (maybe both).
So, here's what's been up:
1. My ex found out about certain tastes of mine (basically the porn I looked at as you can see from this site) and--even though I hadn't had sex in years by the time we hooked up and never cheated on her or even wanted to--decided to throw the banhammer down on our rel. I was pretty screwed over by it because I had lost a lot of weight and gotten in shape and was gonna try for a new job...we were engaged and I spent a lot of time driving for hours and hours on weekends to see her and really put a lot into it, when she threw it in my face that she was never really into me that way and basically used me to get her through college because I edited and rewrote her essays and shit.
2. Ma had her first hip surgery and so I was stressed about her dying and what-not and started taking care of her and her house and such full-time. It's still like that.
3. She couldn't get her second surgery because of her quack had some health issues so they rescheduled and rescheduled and postponed for years.
4. She was finally gonna get it but she ended up not getting it because they found something weird in her x-rays and after months of testing and scanning and what-not determined she has metastasized cancer all over her body. This is an extra shock because she never smoked, rarely drank, doesn't live in a nuclear reactor, and nobody in my family has ever had cancer.
5. I'm still stuck at this same job because I can't move now and every job in this area is like hours of traffic away and I don't even have time to look because I spend my time basically alone in this office and then taking care of stuff for Ma and the house.
6. I met another chick but dude...that was a nightmare. So much just using me for money and time and to drive her around and buy her stuff--even down to kitty litter. Plus there was no sex involved, which I honestly wasn't too upset about and made me wonder if I were asexual or what. I still don't know the answers to that kind of shit but w/e I don't even wanna think about it too much.
7. I drank. A LOT. This is a direct result of all the shit going on.
In fact, yeah...angsty comments and journals and FB posts have occurred because I found myself so hammered I didn't remember exactly what happened the next day on far too many occasions. My health has deteriorated a bit as a result and I am just now starting to be like "I gotta start being active and be in shape again" and arghhhh
So much the feels!!
Anyway, hopefully no more posts from me waxing all maudlin late at night, but this is the reason for anyone who was like "Da heck's wrong with that dingdong?"
Remember when I posted a really angsty journal that was me basically self-destructing under all the pressure of life that's been getting worse all the damn time for years now?
Apparently, I also sent an e-mail to my ex in which I told her I couldn't continue hanging out. It was very poorly written and definitely had anger in it like "OK I get it, you don't like me like me, so, wtf are we even doing hanging out?"
Yayyyyy.....
What a dodo bird! I seriously gotta either never touch alcohol again or turn my phone off late at night (maybe both).
So, here's what's been up:
1. My ex found out about certain tastes of mine (basically the porn I looked at as you can see from this site) and--even though I hadn't had sex in years by the time we hooked up and never cheated on her or even wanted to--decided to throw the banhammer down on our rel. I was pretty screwed over by it because I had lost a lot of weight and gotten in shape and was gonna try for a new job...we were engaged and I spent a lot of time driving for hours and hours on weekends to see her and really put a lot into it, when she threw it in my face that she was never really into me that way and basically used me to get her through college because I edited and rewrote her essays and shit.
2. Ma had her first hip surgery and so I was stressed about her dying and what-not and started taking care of her and her house and such full-time. It's still like that.
3. She couldn't get her second surgery because of her quack had some health issues so they rescheduled and rescheduled and postponed for years.
4. She was finally gonna get it but she ended up not getting it because they found something weird in her x-rays and after months of testing and scanning and what-not determined she has metastasized cancer all over her body. This is an extra shock because she never smoked, rarely drank, doesn't live in a nuclear reactor, and nobody in my family has ever had cancer.
5. I'm still stuck at this same job because I can't move now and every job in this area is like hours of traffic away and I don't even have time to look because I spend my time basically alone in this office and then taking care of stuff for Ma and the house.
6. I met another chick but dude...that was a nightmare. So much just using me for money and time and to drive her around and buy her stuff--even down to kitty litter. Plus there was no sex involved, which I honestly wasn't too upset about and made me wonder if I were asexual or what. I still don't know the answers to that kind of shit but w/e I don't even wanna think about it too much.
7. I drank. A LOT. This is a direct result of all the shit going on.
In fact, yeah...angsty comments and journals and FB posts have occurred because I found myself so hammered I didn't remember exactly what happened the next day on far too many occasions. My health has deteriorated a bit as a result and I am just now starting to be like "I gotta start being active and be in shape again" and arghhhh
So much the feels!!
Anyway, hopefully no more posts from me waxing all maudlin late at night, but this is the reason for anyone who was like "Da heck's wrong with that dingdong?"
