I'm tired of just being a side line. An onlooker watching as others seem to be able to move on find someone or something and I remain where I am. I do what I can for people I care and look after others I do everything I can for others for my mom for my kids even my ex the kids mom I do whatever to make her happy for the kids sake all the while sitting listning to her go on about her boyfriend all the while I crave a chance for redemption for the mistakes I made. No matter what I try nothing changed I feel ignored overlooked abandoned by those once close to me and yet I continue being how I am sitting listning. I don't do what I do for thanks or reward but I can't help but see people asshole folk who for one reason or another would be considered less deserving and yet they seem to get what they wish perhaps that's my perception but I can't help seeing it and I'm tired. I have a small window into my children's lives a mother with an illness with no cure who I cannot help I spent all my strength mental and physical to deal with and better cope with my depression and for what ? I'm tired of it all just the realisation that it's apparantly pointless for me to try