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Nothing ventured - nothing gained. I'm my own master now
9 years ago
This might sound deep, but I can not promise anything good, nor bad coming out of this.
I've had some rough times lately, and inner confidence level dropped to a point I am starting to tie up the kamikaze bandana on my head about it. Closing eyes, and dashing forth something unknown. Lost some friends. I do act quite strange at times, but those who judge me for a lifetime for it, let me be straight about it: Their loss. If they were fool enough to give in for such a charm of my not so true self, they have probably deserved it.
I know I am not a one hundred percent person. We all made mistakes. I made my apologies, but if my words glided on deaf ears, I guess I did everything I could. My hands were dirty, but now it's time to wash them and can continue eating on any meals with them. That's it.
I am usually a forgiving being after a time once my anger settle down. We all fall into such charms of our dark sides. I do regret my bad steps, but those who can not forgive, they probably have their reason for that, but it will be even harder to explain why bad stuffs will keep happen to them.
I was obsessive with some things on my end, time to admit it. Time to let things go now. I can not guarantee this won't happen any more time. It probably will. The temptation of the dark side, remember?
It only matters how much we yield for this side that lurks all the time in ourselves. You can not expect this to be wiped out. Our dark side is what make us good as we are. Without bad there is no good to compared to.
I once made gifts in sketches for friends I thought they deserved them, because I am like that, who selflessly kill time from his own precious time to give something of my own value, and the profession I possess. Over time I tend to burn out of the thrill from continuing and need time to recharge. I was kept asking when I will continue it. The more they ask about it, the lesser I feel the comfort to finish them. This can apply to anything unless I am getting paid for. I have been even accused for why I will "never finish it", and I remember clearly this person kept telling it as much till I lost my motivation as he kept giving nothing more but bashing on my neck about it rather than fueling it with motivating care that could help a lot and could have mean a lot to me. This person I am talking about has only just wanted to use me as a ladder towards popularity, and I frankly do not support people like that once I spot it.
THIS is why I am picky for who tries to be friend with me.
I always keep a cautious eye, and when I suspect something, I (apologize for this, but this has always deemed necessary) have no choice, but see if they have a clear mind about it, and not infected with potential snap on me, which always proved right about my suspicions.
My lesson to everyone here as a Learn From My Fault: You pick your friends. Friends are the ones who do not bash you for your mistakes, no matter how many times you commit them, you are still loved for who you are. This is all that matters. Do not assume things behind their head that they have not said to you otherwise! If you think someone does not like you, asking can never hurt. Those who make a fit out of it, smack the emergency purge button and blast them out of your airlock.
I've had some rough times lately, and inner confidence level dropped to a point I am starting to tie up the kamikaze bandana on my head about it. Closing eyes, and dashing forth something unknown. Lost some friends. I do act quite strange at times, but those who judge me for a lifetime for it, let me be straight about it: Their loss. If they were fool enough to give in for such a charm of my not so true self, they have probably deserved it.
I know I am not a one hundred percent person. We all made mistakes. I made my apologies, but if my words glided on deaf ears, I guess I did everything I could. My hands were dirty, but now it's time to wash them and can continue eating on any meals with them. That's it.
I am usually a forgiving being after a time once my anger settle down. We all fall into such charms of our dark sides. I do regret my bad steps, but those who can not forgive, they probably have their reason for that, but it will be even harder to explain why bad stuffs will keep happen to them.
I was obsessive with some things on my end, time to admit it. Time to let things go now. I can not guarantee this won't happen any more time. It probably will. The temptation of the dark side, remember?
It only matters how much we yield for this side that lurks all the time in ourselves. You can not expect this to be wiped out. Our dark side is what make us good as we are. Without bad there is no good to compared to.
I once made gifts in sketches for friends I thought they deserved them, because I am like that, who selflessly kill time from his own precious time to give something of my own value, and the profession I possess. Over time I tend to burn out of the thrill from continuing and need time to recharge. I was kept asking when I will continue it. The more they ask about it, the lesser I feel the comfort to finish them. This can apply to anything unless I am getting paid for. I have been even accused for why I will "never finish it", and I remember clearly this person kept telling it as much till I lost my motivation as he kept giving nothing more but bashing on my neck about it rather than fueling it with motivating care that could help a lot and could have mean a lot to me. This person I am talking about has only just wanted to use me as a ladder towards popularity, and I frankly do not support people like that once I spot it.
THIS is why I am picky for who tries to be friend with me.
I always keep a cautious eye, and when I suspect something, I (apologize for this, but this has always deemed necessary) have no choice, but see if they have a clear mind about it, and not infected with potential snap on me, which always proved right about my suspicions.
My lesson to everyone here as a Learn From My Fault: You pick your friends. Friends are the ones who do not bash you for your mistakes, no matter how many times you commit them, you are still loved for who you are. This is all that matters. Do not assume things behind their head that they have not said to you otherwise! If you think someone does not like you, asking can never hurt. Those who make a fit out of it, smack the emergency purge button and blast them out of your airlock.
Using someone for popularity is pretty low, considering how much of a genuine person you are. The fact that the person pushed you to finished art for their own personal gain is really sad, but you live and learn. It's good to cut that crap out of your life, believe me.
Best of luck with continuing with your zen mode, I believe in your ability to continue on being a good person, no matter how many mistakes you make, so long as you learn from them, that's good progress I'd say.
And thank you.
"Good men mean well. We just don't always end up doing well."
—Isaac Clarke
My drawings are imprints of who I am, I leave them behind as my epitaph. I draw because I enjoy the process. There is no goal in it. Improving in it is just a plus gift.
You choose your friends, but in the end it is something both you and your friends have to be comfortable with - the desire has to go both ways, and keeping things clear and open between you is the only way forward if there are doubts or questions. You choose your friends and they choose you.
Friends do come and go throughout life, though - it's just life. Both sides have to feel comfortable in where the balance lies and neither one should force the issue (and most definitely not over something material!). You can be disappointed in a friend for not keeping a promise, but that never means you should bash them or let loose your mean side on them to try and force them to keep it; it's just not how it works.
Anyway, before I get preaching on my soapbox for too long, just wishing you all the best for the new year and hoping you have a smoother time with less emotional pitfalls or drama, Jackrow.
I've learned the hard way that sometimes the best friends are those who'll bash when you need to be bashed.
Those who bash you, but still love you, is far better Than be bashed and dumped like you can be replaced like a AA battery and pretending they were any better about it. I do not deny I did several things wrong. I am well aware of my mistakes. All of them. This does not excuse them from their acts though.
Anyhow, I very much share Zeph's opinion. It doesn't matter if we make mistakes as long as we are able to learn something from them. Life is a learning experience all the way. Sometimes things don't go the way they should and the way we want them but there is always something to take from them.
I wish you good luck in your resolution and I hope you are able to stick to it.
You've also been nothing but kind to me so I have to mention that as well and say thank you.
Be well.
I regret my mistakes, but I do not regret the lessons I have got from them.
На здоровье!
So yeah, guess there's friends and people who just want to use you! Care about the former, disregard the latter.
Ps - funny thing, "Sweet Dreams" just started playing, how fitting :)
But have some fluffeon hugs! \^-^/
Well said!
I see the pushing and asking for the status of giftart is something we have in common.
Especially the part were we loose our motivation for it.
Your last passage tho;
I must remind myself of this more often.
Kudos to you for beeing honest and sharing your thoughts~ <3
Besides, scroll down to the 6th point: http://matadornetwork.com/abroad/9-.....-will-hungary/
Very much truth.
Yes the 6th point, I can imagine that to be truth~
also, 3rd point <3 heheh
I wasn't sure exactly what this journal would be about, but it certainly wasn't this that I expected. :)
Good luck keeping away from such people. Easier when you let your demons out once in a while to set your head straight, I think. Maybe your darker sides are different than mine (almost assuredly, really), but my own basically only lash out when I *need* to push people away for my own betterment, even if it's damaging to other people. Sometimes, as an individual, I think that's what you really need; to give your head a shake and push people away that are harming your existence.
Friendships CAN begin in school, or at work, but they extend beyond school or work hours, because you both get some sort of mutual benefit from it; entertaining company, sex, interest in a shared hobby. But just because you and the other person show up at the same location every day is poor evidence of there being any friendship there. Too many people fool themselves into thinking that EVERYONE they associate with is their friend and so get emotionally hurt when their "friend" doesn't act like a friend.
I'm really sorry this has happened to you, though I hope 2016 will see new, better people appear in your life ^^
Good luck man.
Sorry about your rough situations, but nothing is ever an excuse to not strive to be a better person. Just my 0.02
I have watched you and admired your work for years, and respected your privacy and that you are just who you are. *gives big birdy hugs* Stay strong and fly high ^v^
I know how it feels to have people nag you for art, on many occasions I have offered gift art to local furs but have been harassed when they did not receive multiple free pieces. These people have made it harder for me to trust people in the community, do they want to be my friend or do they just want art? Its hard to say.
I admire you as both an artist and a person, I hope you can move on and make new and better friendships.
Thank you for your art. It is beautiful. I hope you continue to enjoy your craft for many long years to come.
Hang in there.
It's not something that can be asked for, and it's absolutely not something that can be demanded. At that point it's just simple manipulation, not friendship, and needs to end immediately.
Those artist friends I have, they're the first to get my *business* if they need it, not demands for free art.
Most of all you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. You're a brilliant artist, but also a decent person, and I wish I knew you better then I did.