Journal summary:

-Emotional month.
-Stupid holidays easier to survive, thanks to good friends.
-Moving from Virginia to Oregon in late January out of necessity.
-Stability might actually be a thing in my near future.



Okay, so hope everyone had a merry whatever.
I'm just glad it's all over.
A special thanks to all the friends who helped make this miserably "festive" month a happy one for me.
A few more years of this, and I might not hate the holidays so much anymore.

The usual emotional upset has been amplified by the fact I'm going to be relocating, across the continent, again, to Oregon in late January.
While my roommate has generously offered me a place to stay with him in his move to California, that's noooot a state I'd ever like to see again.
And after reams of paperwork, phone calls, and wait lists, I've managed to reach the top of the wait-list for a section 8 housing voucher in Oregon.
So out of my options, I'd really like to have a little more control over the roof over my head, and not have to rely on someone I care about for my survival.

I love my friends. The last thing I want to do is shoulder them with having to be responsible for me.
Honestly, I'd really like to be 100% independent, but one step at a time.
Until I can do that, I'm going to have to take what I can get, and that lands me face first in Oregon, near Portland.

At first I couldn't wait to leave the stupid city I'm in.
I've learned I don't handle the 24/7 noise of the city as well as I thought I could, and it's been chipping away at what tolerance I had when I first moved here, to the point it has become almost unbearable.
I didn't think something so small could affect me so significantly, but this seemingly insignificant thing has reduced me to tears more times than I'd care to admit.
What I wouldn't give to go five minutes without hearing traffic.

So given the opportunity to have more choice in where I live, I have to jump on it, and get away from the chaos.
But in doing so, I will be putting thousands of miles between myself, and the dear friends I have made here.
Something that's taken me a long time to work up enough courage to do.
For the longest time, I've only rarely, if at all, been able to connect with anyone face-to-face.
I seemed to have a knack for meeting really shitty people, growing up, so that took a lot of work to undo the damage.

It's only in the past year or so I've been able to repair enough that I've started to open up and reach out again.
In doing so, I've met friends whom I cherish. The kind of friends that make life positive - happy.
And to have them within visiting range, where I can see them and spend time with them on a regular basis?
That's really hard to leave behind.

Harder still to have to face that, and tell them.
I've choked plenty - the opportunity arises, and I just can't find the words.
So this will have to do.

I don't want to leave my friends behind, but I can't miss the chance at stability.
I'll stay in touch online, of course, but that's not quite the same.
On the plus side, I'll be seeing many of the furry ones again at cons in the future.

Still, it has been a lot to swallow all at once. Add in holiday stress, and I'm just struggling to keep up right now.

Things will get better. I intend to keep all the friends I have made.
My life will continue to improve, because I will not give up fighting to make it so.
I will find other friends within visiting range once the dust settles, and there are many positive changes on the way.

It can just be hard to shake the fear of the impending turmoil.
Good practice, perhaps, to try and live in the moment, and enjoy what I have while I have it.