woah i didnt realize its been that long since i opened those minis. I am so, so sorry guys! Work was way more hectic than anticipated, and a few things happened at work that really made me spiral into a super negative state of mind and I had a bit of a breakdown where I totally shut myself off for a while, if that makes sense. I'm back on track emotionally and have been actively making an effort to have a better/more positive mindset, and not let things get in the way of my work. I can't let it keep happening, its not healthy and not fair to you guys.

I'm very prone to falling face first into negativity and letting it consume me. Well, thanks to help from a friend I'm making an effort to stay positive. Its VERY hard to fight off negativity without help. I had been contemplating seeking out a counselor/therapist but I'm so nervous about it. I was put on medications once before by a doctor and the ways they affected me were not good. I don't like the idea of having a dependency again. I want so badly to just be able to cope on my own and work out things myself. I struggle with feeling like a burden 90% of the time. I default to feeling like a letdown and feeling like I've done something wrong constantly, feeling like I don't deserve much and its all self-inflicted and stems from living in a negative environment for most of my life. It was getting really bad, and yeah its still not great but its getting better. Slowly but surely I've been taking baby steps to being more positive and believing that I am okay, that I'm better than I previously thought I was. Its getting easier to smile again, and that makes me happy. I'm also finally taking steps to getting a new job. I've put my application in for a library clerk position, and I have an exam to take for in in february, so I've got plenty of time to study. I'm really excited! It may not be art related, but its not going to be as stressful as my current job. The tasks involved are right up my alley, plus I get to be around books and a relatively quiet environment so ITS PERFECT.

I was planning to catch up on my queue starting on saturday, but a family member needed my help this weekend so my plans were pretty much shot. \= I'm playing catch up now, though! I'm getting everything thumbnailed/sketched out tonight and will send those out for approval so I have at least SOMETHING to show for my stupid absence ;; thank you for your continued patience with me and thank you all for not giving up on me!