It funny how sometimes you can't really tell how your actually feeling. I had an interesting little thing happen today where I thought I was ready for something when I absolutely wasn't.
Today was the first time I talked to my EX in over 3 something months. And I thought it wouldn't be a big deal I was 100% sure I was over him. Never have I been so wrong. After about 2 hours of talking to him
(with other people aswell ofc) I broke down and had to leave the Teamspeak server we were on. I just couldn't handle it for some reason... I was so sure I was over him.

The weird thing is that I always thought that I was in charge of my feelings or that I atleast was pretty good at it. But I was proveen otherwise. After talking to him all the memories came rushing back. The good times.
How he and I used to sit and talk and play games together, How I thought our love would last even though we were in different countries and mostly how he saved my life. All the times he comforted me and talked me out of
commiting suicide. All those memories was to much for me and today was the first time in a month that I seriously thought about ending my life.

It's funny isn't it how we think we can tell our own feelings when sometimes we infact can't

all in all today has been a horrible day and I just want to crawl up in a corner somewhere and disappear.