Well, i'm typing down, breaking down over not just a loss of a friend, but over a loss of myself. I thought i should write a journal, see if it helps me a little.

It's a sad funny, seeing how one action can cause this massive domino effect. The chaos theory is really powerful. the flap of the butterfly (me posting a private chat log between me and a former-friend) has turned into a hurricane (a complete breakdown). The thing is, i have only known him for a week, and yet, i feel so strongly about it. The fact i don't know why i feel so strongly, makes me worse, i can't even sort myself out, its scaring me. Why is it affecting me this much? Why have i gone so emo, i hate emo, god damn. The complete destruction of trust, and the fact that i lost, not only a friend, and trust, but myself, has really taken a toll. But anyone else, i've felt bad, but not breaking down to the point where im in tears. Maybe its the compounding of love, tiredness, sick, personal history, and the tragic loss of a friend.

Sorry, to the former friend, if you read this. I really hope that we can repair this.

Thanks to my partner-to-be, and really close friends for the support, and being there. Typing this has helped quite a bit, i feel slightly better. I'll write another journal in the morning. Thanks for listening, guys.