It's been happening lately due to loneliness, I been having fun in this fandom for a while, however, I can't help but feel a bit..well..lonely.

A lot of my friends are too busy to even speak, as well as acquaintances, and I can understand that..but..

You see, this has been happening often every time I come on here, and offline..it's no different, I'm doing school online now considering long ago I was 2 years behind due to moving around a lot. Also, due to my..well.. ADHD, I'm unable to go out into the world since I'm in an often unsafe part of the world..or rather in Michigan, so I can't go out by myself without getting into serious trouble, or having people take advantage of me. As I get older, the problems with my body systems pretty much increase, resulting in more boundaries as if my body became fragile, or at least that's what I think after the doctor told me of all of the things wrong with my body from birth.


So yeah, long story short, I'm unable to go out into the world "alone", because that's a big risk on my hand, and it affects me socially because I can't meet people yet..

So I'm pretty much lonely, both online and offline...sucks right?


I'm just worried, more so since my family is going through some rough time, and may split apart soon, and I can't rely on most of them, and the only ones I can rely on won't be there anymore. So in the end, I may end up as alone as I feared.


This sort of feeling always comes back to haunt me often ever since my late teen ages, and even now, I'm usually questioning whether or not it was a good idea to meet other people or not, because if one makes friends, they lose friends, and I don't want to go through the pain of losing friends...plus one can only wonder, am I really important in this world? Am I really worth anything at all? If I was to suddenly fade from existence, will anything change..? Will anyone miss me..?

...So far I was convinced that my answer is no.

Things like this stabs me in the back at times, and I didn't want to tell anyone because..truth is, I'm better at typing my emotions rather than speaking them, and believe me, I don't talk much in real life...unless I feel welcome enough on a positive level. Plus I do gaming, PC, RPing and everything just to take my mind off of everything, though the feeling always has it's way of coming back it seems.


Anyway, thing is, this depression of mine, I guess I need a close friend to rely on, some of my family is gonna end soon, and I..guess I need a friend to fall back on for when that time comes...guess that's too much to ask or something.


Anyway, yeah, just saying, I guess I'll get better, but the feeling will come back, but I guess it's normal..at least for me.