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Picking up the pieces (Vent Journal)
10 years ago
General
So I think this is a pretty ok time to make this journal.
September through Mid November was a very stressful time for me, emotionally and mentally. It left me very depressed and screwed me up completely in my recovery process. I was almost back to square one.
You fucked me over, emotionally, mentally and financially. I'm still picking up the pieces of my heart. You used me.
I gave you love, a place to stay. I thought we were happy. I had tried to be the best girlfriend I could physically be... But then, I realized. You're a terrible person. You are a liar and untrustworthy.
But I am a stronger person because of the shit you put me through.
I am stronger than -you-
And I will make a name for myself.
A name with my art, my creativity, my own life.
and You can't stop me.
you never will.
This is more of a journal saying that I am going to make my life better. Without You.
This is not a call out journal. I am higher than that.
I have the greatest support system I can ask for, from both family and friends. Friends and Family who will stand by my side no matter what.
I have managed my life from when I stopped taking my medication fine, and I will continue to do so. With my friends and family to be there.
I don't lie to people, I don't use people.
A person to me is a friend until they prove other wise.
You proved otherwise.
You're a monster.
No matter what I do, If I even think of you, it gives me tremendous anxiety.
Even thinking about you coming and getting the rest of your stuff makes me very nervous.
I can't wait for you to come and get your stuff. To take the rest of the memories with you. I don't need them.
How does it feel, to know that you gave me this much pain.
I hope you're happy with your life, I wish you the best.
I will leave it in the past.
SHOUTOUT TO MY PATRONS
Sorry all that shit happened to you, but as you said, it's made you a stronger person. Once this will be all but a distant memory to look back on. A stepping stone in life to make yourself a better person for the future. It still sucks when this shit happens.But you're still an amazingly talented artist who knows no bounds. I look forward to getting to know you, and how you will become down the line. :)
First of all, I don't even think you know who I'm actually talking about.
Secondly, I am more grown up than you think, I actually know how this world fucking works. This person never gave me their word of anything I asked. I gave my love, my money AND MY FUCKING HOME to this person. I gave up many personal freedoms to let this person in my life. And just to find out that their main reason for breaking up with me, was because I was asexual. That had confirmed for me that I was never meant to be in any relationship. Not to mention, You kept pushing me out of my comfort zone, while you and I were dating. Kept saying how you wanted to have kids, knowing FULL WELL THAT I AM/WAS ASEXUAL. When I gave you the option when i was breaking up with you, I remember you saying "So I have to give up either my love or my dreams." You never made any effort to make me comfortable, especially when It came to the future. I'm a 'Live each day as it comes' Person. You and the person I am talking about in this journal broke my heart in multiple ways. Killed my sympathy for people like yourselves. You are selfish for thinking that you could use me for your own gains.
Third: The only reason I do not use my suit often, is I do not often get the chance to use her. There aren't many meets/conventions in this area that I am able to go suiting.
The world doesn't revolve around you either, Orion. You think you're always right.
You're not.
Check yourself before writing me a wall of words again.