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Dealing with the ups and downs
10 years ago
Open for commissions! :)
Sorry about the terrible journals.. Its my only way to vent.
Dealing with very cold temperatures "can see snow on the mountain"
Dealing with no drive to do anything but forcing myself to do something like read a book or something
Dealing with being stuck at home with family and not having enough funds to even think of going out on my own.
I want my own place. A small place. A place where I don't have neighbors, roommates, pets, etc. and I can still be safe. A place where I can afford to keep it warm in the winter and not worry about not being able to afford rent. I want a place where I can have solitude, peace, tranquility. I want people to like me and my art. I want people to recognize me as a good person who is not perfect but when I ask for help I don't expect it but I do appreciate it when somebody helps even though I have no way in returning the favor.
I want a life i can be proud of saying I lived rather than looking back when I am older and saying "What the fuck did I achieve in life? I wasted all those years trying for something and failed.. I worked my ass off and went into debt just to end up nowhere? Is this life?
NO!!!! It is not life.. it is death, misery, torture. Its like being paralyzed and seeing a mortician thinking your dead when hes got the bone saw cutting into your chest and you cant scream out or react in any way. your screaming in your mind "STOP STOP STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT HURTS!!!!!!!!!!!!" yet there's nothing you can do and before you die you can feel him ripping open your chest with the inverse pliers and you hear the crack of bone and the pain begins to fade as you finally die a horrible painful death.
I want so much more but it feels like im clawing at a wall covered in razor blades just to get past my learning dissability so i can somehow get a chance at a good lifelong career.
Why is life so unfair?
Sorry guys its just not my week....
Dealing with very cold temperatures "can see snow on the mountain"
Dealing with no drive to do anything but forcing myself to do something like read a book or something
Dealing with being stuck at home with family and not having enough funds to even think of going out on my own.
I want my own place. A small place. A place where I don't have neighbors, roommates, pets, etc. and I can still be safe. A place where I can afford to keep it warm in the winter and not worry about not being able to afford rent. I want a place where I can have solitude, peace, tranquility. I want people to like me and my art. I want people to recognize me as a good person who is not perfect but when I ask for help I don't expect it but I do appreciate it when somebody helps even though I have no way in returning the favor.
I want a life i can be proud of saying I lived rather than looking back when I am older and saying "What the fuck did I achieve in life? I wasted all those years trying for something and failed.. I worked my ass off and went into debt just to end up nowhere? Is this life?
NO!!!! It is not life.. it is death, misery, torture. Its like being paralyzed and seeing a mortician thinking your dead when hes got the bone saw cutting into your chest and you cant scream out or react in any way. your screaming in your mind "STOP STOP STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT HURTS!!!!!!!!!!!!" yet there's nothing you can do and before you die you can feel him ripping open your chest with the inverse pliers and you hear the crack of bone and the pain begins to fade as you finally die a horrible painful death.
I want so much more but it feels like im clawing at a wall covered in razor blades just to get past my learning dissability so i can somehow get a chance at a good lifelong career.
Why is life so unfair?
Sorry guys its just not my week....
There are always up in down in life. But staying positive during the down part will definitely helps you to get to the right path to a better life. *hug*