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[Personal|Long] Update 2/1/2016
10 years ago
Hello to all. I woke up in an energetic mood, so I'm going to just write about how everything's been. Feels good, but sometimes it feels like I'm just whining, so I don't do it often. Anyways, here's how everything's going so far.
Shit fucking sucks, but what ever. Ever since the start of the Fall semester in maybe August, my mother would repeatedly screw my life over. First, she messed up my financial aid by not signing the paperwork until the last day it was due. When this happens, the school I go to removes all the classes you sign up for. So I had to 'crash' all my classes—I had to show up to a class, sit through the entire thing, and then inquire about if they had any free spaces for me. That was the plan I had set up.
A week before school started, my mother woke me up from a nap and asked if I was enrolled in any classes yet. I told her I wasn't. I was just being honest. I went back to sleep, ignoring the issue for a while. Two days later, I realize my mom decided to take a day job instead of working nights like she usually would. This was the worst news I could have gotten, because of my family setup. My mom recently had a child (he's four years old now, three at the time) and because he wasn't in school or daycare, it meant I had to babysit him when my mom wasn't around. Because my mom wouldn't be around during the daytime, it meant I couldn't go to school.
It was gonna be okay, though. My mom promised me I'd get paid, handsomely, for my efforts. I'd get paid regularly, and over the course of the next four months, she'd pay for a bunch of nice things, like a car, and a new computer. The car I knew wasn't going to happen. Even if it was a crappy, used car, it would still take a thousand dollars or more to buy. Not to mention registration, insurance, maintenance, and gas... It wasn't realistic, but I knew she was hamming it up for me. The computer was my priority, though. If I'd be spending 4 months at home babysitting, I'd like some way to keep myself entertained. I told her all that, and she said she'd handle it soon—it wasn't going to be an 'October/November thing'. November rolled in and I had only seen about $550.00. Half went towards paying off my credit card. To sidetrack, yeah, I have a credit card. I had to take classes over the summer and had to pay for transportation and food while I did it. I was going to pay it off using financial aid that I'd get by the fall. It was planned out well, but then my mom happened. Anyways, I got $550.00 over three of the six months I was going to be 'working' for my mom. I told my friends I'd probably get the computer by Christmas, because it would have killed two birds with one stone: paying me and getting me gifts. December rolled in- still nothing. For Christmas, I got nothing too special besides a new vape. It was my older brother's idea. January passed, and I didn't see a cent then either. It was clear my mom wasn't going to pay me, and it was clear she wasn't making any large payments for the family or the house, since nothing changed at home; we still got the same cheap food and the same late bill payment consequences(cable/internet cut in and out, and for a month, gas was cut, too). My mom was making tons of money for her line of work, though. So what was she doing?
My mother spent all her generous earnings on three things: renting luxury cars, paying off offenses committed in those cars (speeding tickets mostly, and one car she crashed), and fueling an affair she kept going one weekend each month.
See, my mom's a narcissist. I didn't realize it until I had to go through all this, but yeah, she's a narcissist. My family's income has never been bad per se, but because of my mom's spending habits (pay the bare minimum for the family so they don't whine, and whatever she saves she spends on herself), the family lives like they go from check to check to survive. All the extra money she spent just went to herself, like usual, and the 550 she gave me was to keep me from whining more than I did.
Now, we're into the next semester, and nothing's changed. My mom's working at a high school, so they employed her for the school year. I still can't take any classes, and I'm not going to see a cent until I get a real job. Why that's harder than normal is a story for another time. Part of it's because I'm the only one around to watch my little brother during the day.
Anyways, that's what school and my immediate family have been like in a nutshell.
As for me personally and online, I've been pretty down, but part of that is due to medication.
I take medication for ADHD. It's the minimal dosage, but it's very effective. It's not the only reason why I lack productivity, though. Depression is a factor (or dysthymia as my therapist would put it), and stress on top of that usually makes it harder for me to put effort into the things I enjoy doing, like writing. Seriously, I have the hardest time writing when I'm at home around my family. Sometimes, because I don't want them anywhere near the crap I'm writing, and other times, I just can't get into the mindset I have for writing when I'm around them all. I get around it sometimes by taking a trip to the nearest Starbucks (4$ for a drink and all the wifi I could want for a few hours. Please and Thank you.) and write to my heart's content. Of course, this takes money to do, and other times, I'll forget my medicine and spend the entire time talking online or doing other things.
And if I forget to take a dose, things start to spiral downhill, especially with my current lifestyle of doing virtually nothing. Not taking my medicine puts me into a horrible, depressive mood. I'll spend the day sleeping, which causes me to miss my dosage times, which keeps me in a bad mood, causing me to sleep throughout the day again, and so on... I basically lose the will to take my medicine if I forget to take my medicine.
Things aren't 100% terrible, though. I have little nuggets of sunshine throughout my time at home. For example, I WAS able to get out of the house once and watch Star Wars VII with a friend. That was a ton of fun. Not only that, but I've been able to enjoy a slight bit of actual alone time, which is what I use to write, usually. And because I'm a pretty big fan of Yugioh, I've followed the updates pretty closely, especially the updates regarding cards called Deskbots. Konami slowly released Deskbots for about 3 years now, only showing 1 or 2 cards each set. The first 4 cards (Deskbot 001, Deskbot 002, etc) were released with each major set released to the TCG. There are only 2 or 3 sets released each year, so it's a very, very slow process. But as soon as the second card was released, I knew from then on it was going to be the archetype I'd back. Oh, and just a few days ago, I found out about a 'Gemsona maker'. It's just like any other custom fan character maker, but it's really close to the art style of the show, so I decided to give it a try. I've made, like, 3 so far, and I'll probably make more just for the hell of it. Someone even offered to make a sketch of one, and it turned out really well. If I can get it inked/colored, I may put it up or something, just to show it off, lol.
I'm also moving in 2 weeks. It's not a very huge move—it's only a mile west— but it's a new, clean slate as opposed to the crappy apartment I've lived in for half my life. This place was actually pretty low quality lodgings even when we moved in. Roach issues were hidden away so we wouldn't be able to tell at first, turned out the gas lines to the stove was never up to code, there were a ton of problems with the place, but it was a step up from the area we had before, so we took it. The only reason we're moving is because tenants have started to complain wildly about my four-year-old brother's tantrums. Seriously, he's a juggernaut of a baby. The only times he isn't going crazy is when he's not around my other little brothers. One of them, #4 of 5, likes to challenge authority to an unnecessary degree. He doesn't see me as an authority figure, and he tries his best to boss around the little tot, and the little guy clashes back so hard sparks could fly. It eventually melts down if I don't tell them both to stop and just avoid each other, but any second I'm not on them like a stoner on a donut is a second lost to the madness. I'm not even getting paid anymore, either. I stopped caring about whether or not the kid stomps or jumps, too. It's like what happens if you don't pay your electricity bill. Oh, your food's gonna rot because you can't pay for two weeks? Sucks. We're not turning it on until you do. So yeah, now we have to move. xD
Anyways, life's just being slow. Everything I have to do is planned out pretty clear for me. I just have to wait for my opportunity to start. Once I can, I'll finally start moving again to where I want to be this far in life. I'm a little late so far, but it's honestly never TOO late.
In the meantime, I'm gonna do the crap that I have to, and every moment I can, I'll be writing more of this story out. Again, it's going slow, but it never actually stops. I'll be getting back to it even now.
You guys are great, btw! Have a good one!
Shit fucking sucks, but what ever. Ever since the start of the Fall semester in maybe August, my mother would repeatedly screw my life over. First, she messed up my financial aid by not signing the paperwork until the last day it was due. When this happens, the school I go to removes all the classes you sign up for. So I had to 'crash' all my classes—I had to show up to a class, sit through the entire thing, and then inquire about if they had any free spaces for me. That was the plan I had set up.
A week before school started, my mother woke me up from a nap and asked if I was enrolled in any classes yet. I told her I wasn't. I was just being honest. I went back to sleep, ignoring the issue for a while. Two days later, I realize my mom decided to take a day job instead of working nights like she usually would. This was the worst news I could have gotten, because of my family setup. My mom recently had a child (he's four years old now, three at the time) and because he wasn't in school or daycare, it meant I had to babysit him when my mom wasn't around. Because my mom wouldn't be around during the daytime, it meant I couldn't go to school.
It was gonna be okay, though. My mom promised me I'd get paid, handsomely, for my efforts. I'd get paid regularly, and over the course of the next four months, she'd pay for a bunch of nice things, like a car, and a new computer. The car I knew wasn't going to happen. Even if it was a crappy, used car, it would still take a thousand dollars or more to buy. Not to mention registration, insurance, maintenance, and gas... It wasn't realistic, but I knew she was hamming it up for me. The computer was my priority, though. If I'd be spending 4 months at home babysitting, I'd like some way to keep myself entertained. I told her all that, and she said she'd handle it soon—it wasn't going to be an 'October/November thing'. November rolled in and I had only seen about $550.00. Half went towards paying off my credit card. To sidetrack, yeah, I have a credit card. I had to take classes over the summer and had to pay for transportation and food while I did it. I was going to pay it off using financial aid that I'd get by the fall. It was planned out well, but then my mom happened. Anyways, I got $550.00 over three of the six months I was going to be 'working' for my mom. I told my friends I'd probably get the computer by Christmas, because it would have killed two birds with one stone: paying me and getting me gifts. December rolled in- still nothing. For Christmas, I got nothing too special besides a new vape. It was my older brother's idea. January passed, and I didn't see a cent then either. It was clear my mom wasn't going to pay me, and it was clear she wasn't making any large payments for the family or the house, since nothing changed at home; we still got the same cheap food and the same late bill payment consequences(cable/internet cut in and out, and for a month, gas was cut, too). My mom was making tons of money for her line of work, though. So what was she doing?
My mother spent all her generous earnings on three things: renting luxury cars, paying off offenses committed in those cars (speeding tickets mostly, and one car she crashed), and fueling an affair she kept going one weekend each month.
See, my mom's a narcissist. I didn't realize it until I had to go through all this, but yeah, she's a narcissist. My family's income has never been bad per se, but because of my mom's spending habits (pay the bare minimum for the family so they don't whine, and whatever she saves she spends on herself), the family lives like they go from check to check to survive. All the extra money she spent just went to herself, like usual, and the 550 she gave me was to keep me from whining more than I did.
Now, we're into the next semester, and nothing's changed. My mom's working at a high school, so they employed her for the school year. I still can't take any classes, and I'm not going to see a cent until I get a real job. Why that's harder than normal is a story for another time. Part of it's because I'm the only one around to watch my little brother during the day.
Anyways, that's what school and my immediate family have been like in a nutshell.
As for me personally and online, I've been pretty down, but part of that is due to medication.
I take medication for ADHD. It's the minimal dosage, but it's very effective. It's not the only reason why I lack productivity, though. Depression is a factor (or dysthymia as my therapist would put it), and stress on top of that usually makes it harder for me to put effort into the things I enjoy doing, like writing. Seriously, I have the hardest time writing when I'm at home around my family. Sometimes, because I don't want them anywhere near the crap I'm writing, and other times, I just can't get into the mindset I have for writing when I'm around them all. I get around it sometimes by taking a trip to the nearest Starbucks (4$ for a drink and all the wifi I could want for a few hours. Please and Thank you.) and write to my heart's content. Of course, this takes money to do, and other times, I'll forget my medicine and spend the entire time talking online or doing other things.
And if I forget to take a dose, things start to spiral downhill, especially with my current lifestyle of doing virtually nothing. Not taking my medicine puts me into a horrible, depressive mood. I'll spend the day sleeping, which causes me to miss my dosage times, which keeps me in a bad mood, causing me to sleep throughout the day again, and so on... I basically lose the will to take my medicine if I forget to take my medicine.
Things aren't 100% terrible, though. I have little nuggets of sunshine throughout my time at home. For example, I WAS able to get out of the house once and watch Star Wars VII with a friend. That was a ton of fun. Not only that, but I've been able to enjoy a slight bit of actual alone time, which is what I use to write, usually. And because I'm a pretty big fan of Yugioh, I've followed the updates pretty closely, especially the updates regarding cards called Deskbots. Konami slowly released Deskbots for about 3 years now, only showing 1 or 2 cards each set. The first 4 cards (Deskbot 001, Deskbot 002, etc) were released with each major set released to the TCG. There are only 2 or 3 sets released each year, so it's a very, very slow process. But as soon as the second card was released, I knew from then on it was going to be the archetype I'd back. Oh, and just a few days ago, I found out about a 'Gemsona maker'. It's just like any other custom fan character maker, but it's really close to the art style of the show, so I decided to give it a try. I've made, like, 3 so far, and I'll probably make more just for the hell of it. Someone even offered to make a sketch of one, and it turned out really well. If I can get it inked/colored, I may put it up or something, just to show it off, lol.
I'm also moving in 2 weeks. It's not a very huge move—it's only a mile west— but it's a new, clean slate as opposed to the crappy apartment I've lived in for half my life. This place was actually pretty low quality lodgings even when we moved in. Roach issues were hidden away so we wouldn't be able to tell at first, turned out the gas lines to the stove was never up to code, there were a ton of problems with the place, but it was a step up from the area we had before, so we took it. The only reason we're moving is because tenants have started to complain wildly about my four-year-old brother's tantrums. Seriously, he's a juggernaut of a baby. The only times he isn't going crazy is when he's not around my other little brothers. One of them, #4 of 5, likes to challenge authority to an unnecessary degree. He doesn't see me as an authority figure, and he tries his best to boss around the little tot, and the little guy clashes back so hard sparks could fly. It eventually melts down if I don't tell them both to stop and just avoid each other, but any second I'm not on them like a stoner on a donut is a second lost to the madness. I'm not even getting paid anymore, either. I stopped caring about whether or not the kid stomps or jumps, too. It's like what happens if you don't pay your electricity bill. Oh, your food's gonna rot because you can't pay for two weeks? Sucks. We're not turning it on until you do. So yeah, now we have to move. xD
Anyways, life's just being slow. Everything I have to do is planned out pretty clear for me. I just have to wait for my opportunity to start. Once I can, I'll finally start moving again to where I want to be this far in life. I'm a little late so far, but it's honestly never TOO late.
In the meantime, I'm gonna do the crap that I have to, and every moment I can, I'll be writing more of this story out. Again, it's going slow, but it never actually stops. I'll be getting back to it even now.
You guys are great, btw! Have a good one!
