And it seems like im doomed to repeat every mistake I have ever made. I feel like a worthless piece of crap today. Yesterday evening I had a huge argument with 2 of my best friends over a stupid game. Ofcourse it began with me poking fun at one of my friends during a dungeon run in world of warcraft. I kept doing stuff I wasn't supposed to and my friend told me to stop it and I decided to answer with "stop being a little bitch" now that in itself is nothing unusual he and I have known eachother for a long time and we often joke argue with eachother or call each other names. The issue began when someone started to defend my friend cuz he didn't know that he and I knew eachother IRL. So this guy started attacking me verbally and I decided that I was in no mood to take any crap from a person I hadn't known for more than a day. And so it spiraled down into an argument between this guy and me. All of a sudden my other best friend decided to intervene to try and put a stop to it. But he didn't exactly do it in the best way he started by telling me to "Shut the F**k up and stop being a F***ing twat" and this was a mistake since I was in a pretty bad mood at the time. It ended up with a majority of people in my guild in world of warcraft turning against me and verbally abusing me and insulting me as my "best friends" just watched and let it happen. Now I'm not saying I was a saint but in the end I decided to leave the game. I quickly got kicked/banned from our Teamspeak channel by my "friends" and they started to ignore me. So I did the only thing I know how to do. I ended up drinking and listening to music while pondering why im such a fuck up. And ofcourse in my intoxicated state I decided that it was a good idea to text one of my friends basically telling them to go "F**k themselves and never speak to me again". For a while I had a re-lapse and was considering hurting myself or even suicide but I ended up just crying at my desk wishing I was dead instead.

So in the end I went to bed with a huge headache and feeling like the stupidest person on planet earth. I had just lost my two last friends and I wanted to do nothing else but just beg them to forgive me but I didn't have the courage to talk to them after the things I said. So that leads me to today. I still can't get the courage to talk to them as I'm sure I have royally screwd up my last friendships and that they never want to hear from me again. So I don't know what to do. My anxiety and depression is going through the roof and I feel like doing nothing else but going back to bed and hope that this was all a bad dream.

And I keep asking myself why do I always do the same mistake? Why must I be so god damn proud all of a sudden? why can't I just do like I did before and anytime somebody insulted me or abused me just roll over and take it and realize that I probably deserved it.

TL:DR I'm the stupidest person in the world and just lost my 2 best friends over a game and my stupid pride.

Anyway I'm going back to bed and hopefully everybody just forgets about me