For six years, I rather enjoyed Valentine's Day.

Steele would come into the office on Valentine's Day (or a day or two ahead if it fell on a day off) and 'surprise' me with a vase of a dozen roses, making all my lady co-workers jealous. "Why doesn't my husband/boyfriend ever do that?" they'd exclaim, and I'd laugh. He loved making a show of it, and I loved the rush of feeling special and loved.

Then, I'd bring the flowers home and 'surprise' him with chocolates (and let's face it, after the first two years, none of this was a surprise anymore), then we'd cuddle, have a nice dinner, cuddle some more, and... well, I'll leave the rest to your imaginations....

*chuckles, then sighs*

... There were no flowers brought to the office today. No jealous coworkers. No rush of feeling special. No chocolates. No cuddles. No nice dinner.

Just an ordinary day. A quiet house. Some reheated leftovers. An empty bed. And me....

This is nothing like past Valentines when I was single. There's no bitterness, no sarcastic references to "Singles Awareness Day," no "Valentine's Day sucks" vitriol. A local fur is hosting her annual "anti-Valentine's Day" dinner, and while I'd gone a couple times before I met Steele, I have no desire to go now; it just feels... wrong, somehow.

I don't begrudge Valentine's Day, or resent those who're enjoying it. You'll find no snarky, bitter rejection of Valentine's Day here. Rather, I miss it, and I wish I could still take part in it. I still love him, and I desperately, hopelessly wish he was still here. I'd give anything to hold him in my arms again, to hear his voice again... hells, I'd even settle for a big argument with him. I don't care, I just want him back. I miss him....

Heh... I've had to stop and fight back tears a few times while writing this, but I needed to get this off my chest. I think I'll be making myself scarce for a day or two, but at least you'll know why.

Take care....

- Shadow Darius Wolf, Esq.