FA+
Shop
VD
9 years ago
So
All yous whats gots, hope ya got!
I spent my 7th Valentine's in a row with nobody.
Well, that ain't true. I spent it with my ex-fiancée who put me in the Recycling Folder years ago and never really Emptied. It was awkward and I felt the onus to pay for dinner and give her something. Since she's now into drinking (odd since I'm now pretty much a tee-totaller), I got her some Kraken Spiced Rum and some Irish Crème I never heard of that's supposed to get 91pts from Wine Advocate but probably tastes like Bailey's.
Needless to say it was awkward and made me take a long, hard look in the mirror when I got home. She got drunk as a skunk at dinner but was pretty firm in the whole "Why did you get me anything--your'e trash to me now" thing (not that I would get back together with her unless many years of her changing and showing it had occurred, but, I'm getting ahead of myself).
I'm not sure if I'm happy with having wasted a decade of life and getting closer to the age at which the only way for me to have someone would be to become a rich narcissist who didn't mind people liking me just for my money because I'd be using them as a trophy, or if I'm so damned lonely I don't even know what to do when someone tries to show me affection (it seems robotic and odd if anyone flirts with me).
There is someone I rather fancy--and have for years...and have told her as much before with a non-answer--but now I'm not even sure what on Earth I would do if she said she wanted to be together. She spent the weekend with an ex whom she despises (and I'm pretty sure nothing like that transpired on her end).
I think I've reached a point where I no longer trust anyone. The idea of having a mate or lover or what-have-you sounds artificial and like some unearthly fantasy to me now.
I usually don't think about it too much anymore, but VD sure has a way of making you face how pathetic you are in that department, but then also question why that would be even something beneficial in the first place. It's not really an achievement of any kind to have someone like you back, right?
I've been told I'm good-looking. I used to get a little weird about that inside because I don't trust people who pay compliments because I see them as just out to use you for whatever old nag they're selling, but now I just see it as someone just babbling out applesauce for whatever reason.
What to do...?
Oh well, I guess just keep on with work and taking care of my ailing mother (who has gotten worse with her cancer), and hope I can move away from this country before the Trumpster gets in power and makes sure his buddies in the financial district get all the breaks they want to create another bubble while the middle class vanishes entirely and everyone has a rough time except the super-rich. Oh--and tries to get real torture, which he's after.
I've always been a cynic on human nature but these days it's all coming to a head and I don't even want to be around people anymore to begin with. I guess that's my take-away from VD? Oh well.
Anyway, that's the growling from the disenfranchised side. I hope those of you who had people to share it with had a lovely time and I hope the world really is gonna be better and I'm proven wrong!
All yous whats gots, hope ya got!
I spent my 7th Valentine's in a row with nobody.
Well, that ain't true. I spent it with my ex-fiancée who put me in the Recycling Folder years ago and never really Emptied. It was awkward and I felt the onus to pay for dinner and give her something. Since she's now into drinking (odd since I'm now pretty much a tee-totaller), I got her some Kraken Spiced Rum and some Irish Crème I never heard of that's supposed to get 91pts from Wine Advocate but probably tastes like Bailey's.
Needless to say it was awkward and made me take a long, hard look in the mirror when I got home. She got drunk as a skunk at dinner but was pretty firm in the whole "Why did you get me anything--your'e trash to me now" thing (not that I would get back together with her unless many years of her changing and showing it had occurred, but, I'm getting ahead of myself).
I'm not sure if I'm happy with having wasted a decade of life and getting closer to the age at which the only way for me to have someone would be to become a rich narcissist who didn't mind people liking me just for my money because I'd be using them as a trophy, or if I'm so damned lonely I don't even know what to do when someone tries to show me affection (it seems robotic and odd if anyone flirts with me).
There is someone I rather fancy--and have for years...and have told her as much before with a non-answer--but now I'm not even sure what on Earth I would do if she said she wanted to be together. She spent the weekend with an ex whom she despises (and I'm pretty sure nothing like that transpired on her end).
I think I've reached a point where I no longer trust anyone. The idea of having a mate or lover or what-have-you sounds artificial and like some unearthly fantasy to me now.
I usually don't think about it too much anymore, but VD sure has a way of making you face how pathetic you are in that department, but then also question why that would be even something beneficial in the first place. It's not really an achievement of any kind to have someone like you back, right?
I've been told I'm good-looking. I used to get a little weird about that inside because I don't trust people who pay compliments because I see them as just out to use you for whatever old nag they're selling, but now I just see it as someone just babbling out applesauce for whatever reason.
What to do...?
Oh well, I guess just keep on with work and taking care of my ailing mother (who has gotten worse with her cancer), and hope I can move away from this country before the Trumpster gets in power and makes sure his buddies in the financial district get all the breaks they want to create another bubble while the middle class vanishes entirely and everyone has a rough time except the super-rich. Oh--and tries to get real torture, which he's after.
I've always been a cynic on human nature but these days it's all coming to a head and I don't even want to be around people anymore to begin with. I guess that's my take-away from VD? Oh well.
Anyway, that's the growling from the disenfranchised side. I hope those of you who had people to share it with had a lovely time and I hope the world really is gonna be better and I'm proven wrong!
