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Distance; Please Read
9 years ago
Scribbling nonsense all across the board like jaguars leaping from trees of leather bodices encasing aged withered corpses whose eyes dazzle with the light of one million and three silver satellites flying over Los Angeles hiding illegal immigrants from Irish potato farms built atop the golden ruins of El Dorado filled with demonic Ewoks hurling tremendous tankards of tons of Tylenol at the panda bear ninjas that hide around every corner of the magic square building trying desperately to pull up its skirt and set roots on another cubic square inch of the board upon which I am scribbling nonsense.
I've been having difficulty mustering the motivation to get myself to do anything productive in terms of writing for stories as of late, no matter what I do I can never shake the feeling that there isn't any point to it. I thought I wanted to write for no reason other than to get my ideas out and to entertain people, but it starts feeling hollow the longer I go when it seems like hardly anyone offers reason for me to believe that there's any interest. I'm already operating at a disadvantage because stories are inherently going to garner less attention than art on FA, but that frankly wouldn't bother me too much, I have a number of viewers who routinely give favorites and even a few who comment, I'm aware that the public masses are fickle and there's nothing that can be done about that. No, what I find truly disheartening is that almost none of the people whom I call my friends ever seem to give me any kind of feedback or even the slightest indication that they've looked at most of the things I've posted. No one ever comes to me to ask what I'm doing or if I have any plans for anything, no one asks about my characters or interests, no one tells me anything they'd like to see more or less of, no one seems to care. I haven't wanted to say anything about this for a long time because there's no way to say it without sounding selfish, I don't want to discount the moments when people do regularly read my stories, but the fact of the matter is that is a list I can count off on one hand, most only seem to read my work if it's something that I wrote for them or if I otherwise point it out to them directly myself, there's no initiative to act without impulse.
I don't like making this big sort of all-encompassing judgment call, especially because I'm openly aware that I've only been making the situation worse on myself by retreating into a hole away from everyone. I have never been a particularly social kind of person, I'm not good at thinking of things to say or conversations, I don't like bringing up my own thoughts because I always feel that I might be stepping on someone's toes or trying too hard to push myself, but I've been conscious that this tendency has only grown worse over time. I have changed significantly from the person I was when I first came to this site and began being an active person on the internet, and that is reflected in no small part by my writing, but while I have plenty new audience for such things I'm also readily aware of the fact that I'm driving away my old readers and friends who aren't interested in those topics even further, and I don't know what I can do about that, I'm still interested in those sorts of things from before but I just don't have the same impetus for them anymore. I'm afraid that I'm just going to drift away from everyone completely, and if there's one thing that terrifies me it's the thought of losing friends after having already lost so much.
I've asked for feedback on all journals like this in the past, but this time I cannot emphasize enough: please reply with your thoughts and opinions, be completely honest.
On a side note, I'm clearing the overflow commission queue because I don't think I have it in me to work on them, I've had those looming over my head for too long now and the guilt of having them waiting for so long has been wearing me down, I hope that having that off my plate will at least somewhat help to alleviate my stress. It's a new year and I want to be able to start fresh.
I don't like making this big sort of all-encompassing judgment call, especially because I'm openly aware that I've only been making the situation worse on myself by retreating into a hole away from everyone. I have never been a particularly social kind of person, I'm not good at thinking of things to say or conversations, I don't like bringing up my own thoughts because I always feel that I might be stepping on someone's toes or trying too hard to push myself, but I've been conscious that this tendency has only grown worse over time. I have changed significantly from the person I was when I first came to this site and began being an active person on the internet, and that is reflected in no small part by my writing, but while I have plenty new audience for such things I'm also readily aware of the fact that I'm driving away my old readers and friends who aren't interested in those topics even further, and I don't know what I can do about that, I'm still interested in those sorts of things from before but I just don't have the same impetus for them anymore. I'm afraid that I'm just going to drift away from everyone completely, and if there's one thing that terrifies me it's the thought of losing friends after having already lost so much.
I've asked for feedback on all journals like this in the past, but this time I cannot emphasize enough: please reply with your thoughts and opinions, be completely honest.
On a side note, I'm clearing the overflow commission queue because I don't think I have it in me to work on them, I've had those looming over my head for too long now and the guilt of having them waiting for so long has been wearing me down, I hope that having that off my plate will at least somewhat help to alleviate my stress. It's a new year and I want to be able to start fresh.
I was just like you. I'm a writer who almost never hears back from people unless it's porn. I get plenty of faves and that's fine, but it isn't the same as a comment, y'know?
You have courage to admit this sort of thing publicly. In my experience, doing this sort of thing has lead to people getting very angry, especially the people you accuse. I lost a few friends that way. But I realized that years later, that doesn't make people like us wrong to admit that sort of thing.
You're right, writers like you and me are at a disadvantage on a site like this. But I like to think it is possible to blend plot and the bits people really want to see.
Truth be told, I really enjoy your writing, love it in fact. You're someone I've wanted to chat with for a long while. You and I have a lot of common interests. I would enjoy trying to make friends with you.
I know you don't me all that well, but I'd love to help anyway I can. The door is always open
I really don't have an excuse for myself, being your friend, but I want you to know that you are exceptionally talented in your craft and I really appreciate what you do.
Sorry if this wasn't really a helpful response, or what you were looking for. I do hope things get better for you in the end.
And I'm just one person, but I consider you as one of my inspirations for starting writing (though I haven't made much for a bit...). When you followed me I was stoked; one of those omg-this-talented-person-followed-me whatdoIdo moments.
As for drifting away, I don't wanna sound like an enabler, but try not to force yourself to produce to keep people happy. keep in contact with the people you consider friends, throw out journals every once in a while just talking about things (that's what I try to do, at least during droughts), and when you feel the need to write, write. the way I see it, the life part is more important than being a production line.
end my two cents; good luck, sir.
With that said, I like to believe that if any of your friends start to lose interest in your stories, they could still be your friends in other ways.