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Internal Conflict : A little about me
9 years ago
Can't be broken by meaningless words, but will overcome them... It'll take more to take out one that thinks nothing of your stupidity.
I have decided to post this here to express to other people why I may respond the way I do.
It's not you, it's me.
Lately I have been on a rollercoaster that has been getting worse... I have noticed it over the last few years since my car accident. I have been talking to a friend about it recently cause I thought it was just the fact that the car accident had started making my PTSD worse... She thought something else and my family thinks it is really something I should look into on the matter...
I am suffering from TBI.
What is TBI...
TBI is also known as Traumatic Brain injury. It is usually caused by things such as car accidents, firearms and even mere slipping and falling. Usually being caused by things like getting shot, getting hit hard in the head hitting ones head in a motor vehicle accident, lack of oxygen, tumors, infections and the likes.
They particularly think that I have it from the car accident we had a few years back. It can be classified into two categories mild and severe.
MRI and CAT scans are usually normal and so its something that is not usually caught in the immediate happenings after the issue.
Side effects of TBI Are:
For Mild:
｡Headaches
｡Difficulty Thinking
｡Memory Problems
｡Attention Deficits
｡Mood Swings
｡Easy Frustration.
For Severe:
｡Loss of thinking ability
｡Emotional Problems.
How does one get Mild or Severe?:
Mild TBI is usually categorized when there has been a loss of consciousness or confusion for less than 30 minutes. While Severe is usually caused by loss of consciousness for more than thirty minutes and memory loss after injury longer than 24 hours. There are other statistics that say mild is from 20 minutes to 6 hours and Severe for greater than six hours.
Bottom line it also comes down to the impact to the brain.
Why does this bother you?
While talking to friends and my doctor via email due to some complications... I've slowly seen how things have been effecting me.. It scares me. Things that have been going on for 4 years now have become the normal for me and it took a doctor and a friend to get it through to me. Actions, behaviors and things that I associated with my PTSD having gotten worse with me regressing might not have been true. Things that I've called my mother crying for and both me and her concluded that I've always been like that....
Then getting hit by reality by my doctor that, this is not how I was and that he didn't think it was my PTSD regressing.
The effect I am suffering from :
｡Short attention span
｡Lack of Concentration
｡Easily Distracted
｡Memory los issues (some major problems caused by this.)
｡Ability to process things like normal conversations
｡Sever swings between Impulsiveness/Preservation
｡Headaches
｡Ringing in the ears with increased sensitivity.
｡Issue too personal to mention here...
｡Loss of stamina
｡Fluctuation between sleeping disorders.
｡Appetite Changes.
｡Dependent behaviors
｡Emotionally everywhere
｡Lack of Motivation
｡Increased Irritability
｡Increased Aggression/Dominant Behavior
｡Severe Depression
Why thinking about this usually has me in tears:
My doctor thinks that my TBI, is actual corresponding with a possibility that I also have another issues tied into it. I don't know all the terms but PBA was another term used. From what I understand there was damage during the accident that one of the lobes in my brain was possibly damaged, injured... however you want to call it it coatings with the TBI.
It's hard to explain...
It bothers and scares me...
One minute I can be fine and happy then suddenly curled up in a corner balling my eyes out trying to remain quiet so no one hears me... Another minute i can go from being happy and then suddenly busting into a fit of laughter.
I get WAY to overly amused or upset about things that shouldn't bother me...
I can't control the crying when it happens.. It feels that I am in no control over it at all.
This is a permanent issue... It can sometimes be managed, but I will live with it forever...
thank you for telling us
i will still try and comfort you when you need it :)