I think that part of the problem is you're spending too much time over-thinking stuff. The result of that is depression which leads you to posting journals like this one and some of the negative status messages you post on Skype. All that does is repel people further away. I know it sounds cliche, but it is true that if you cannot stand to be with yourself, how can you expect anyone to be happy being around you? It's time to stop thinking about things and start doing things to change the circumstances that are making you so unhappy. I don't know your situation well enough to offer any good advice or actions you could take, but the path you are on isn't a good one. It's not too late to turn things around.