You come across a wonderful-looking lava lair built in ancient dwarven ruins, but it's inhabited by another dragon, what do you do?

Dwarfen ruins, surrounded by lava and guarded by a dragon? That’s suspiciously specific, don’t you think? *Chuckles a little, with a smug look on his face* My guess is what you expect out of this is some insight in tactics for a hostile takeover? Don’t say a word. I’m sure I’m spot on. That feeble disguise you used to shroud your real intentions didn’t resist my keen mind for even a second.
But anyway, I’m still willing to answer your question.

It depends on that ‘other’ dragon. If he’d be no match for my wits and strength, I’d just drive him out and probably kill him. *He hesitates for a moment, pondering if he should continue* Hm… given the small chance we might be of ‘equal’ strength, I’d make some preparations first. Probably manipulate some of the lower races to assist me in this endeavor that usually works really well and is not that hard to pull off.

I have underestimated you.

It seems your keen mind has not betrayed you. I expected a hostile encounter but needed further proofs.

Since the question has been kindly answered, it is only fair that I share information. In all honesty, the said “other” dragon is no match for you; he’s yet too weak to face the ancient ones and will for sure never be able to. I would be impressed if he could even hurt the slightest bit of your scales.

BUT!

Nowadays, good allies make powerful weapons, don’t they? Just like money, technology, and of course, that old-fashioned energy that people like to call “magic”.

Ok, I'll be honest, this question has been on my mind for a while now. I know that many people that enter your lair are usually thieves, but what if someone was actually here to give you something for your horde? What would you do if that ever happens?

Tribute you mean? *For a short moment, his eyes lit up with excitement*
Well I usually take most forms of tribute, considering they are of value to me like food or treasure. It’s actually not that rare, that people want to pay tribute to my glory and to appease me and since I’m quite the benevolent being, I grant them my counsel in exchange or even listen to their requests, if they have any. Now I know what you are thinking, I can read you simple creatures like a book, and you are right; I mostly only listen to their requests. Sure there might be some I’d consider doing, especially if it’s to my advantage, but… those lesser creatures and their insolence. *He snorts grim* Kings ask me to join them in their petty quarrels, merchants ask me to get rid of a rival, wizards ask me for just a tiny glance over my treasures and the knowledge I store in my lair. Usually I’ll just allow them to leave my lair alive and in most cases they see this gift as quite adequate and hugely satisfying.

Gotta jump at a rare opportunity, I hope that is acceptable for many questions.

What is your favorite artistic rendition of your magnificent self?
What is your weapon of choice?
Where is a country to have yet to conquer?
Do you have alternate forms?
Who wins in a fight: Yourself or Smaug?
Are you ever going to catch Leonard?
Or do you enjoy the chases?
What is your Guilty Pleasure?

That is quite the number of questions and I certainly admire your greed for knowledge. It reminds me of myself, I have to admit. I wonder though, if I should take this as a sign of insolence and not grant you a single answer? Well, I feel quite generous today, so consider yourself lucky.

My favorite artistic rendition, you ask? I value all depictions of my glorious self quite high and therefor I find it rather difficult to choose a single piece. They all shine in a certain area; some portrait a particular moment in the song of my life, others emphasize more on the beauty of a single part of my complex and grand being. I like all of them and would not dare to make this choice.

Weapon? I have quite the range of devastating and useful weapons at my disposal, but I guess the weapon of my choice, that certainly overshadows all others in usefulness and power, is my wits, silly human.

My conquering times are over and even back then on the pinnacle of my power, there were still countless realms and places I haven’t even gazed upon.

I… was… once able to take on many forms. *His expressions turns a little dire*
Right now though I’m only able to take on a more hominid appearance. It’s quite practical, depending on the situation and does not take away much of my magnificence. I admit that my vast size and strength, even though it has a magnitude of uses, certainly lacks the delicacy of touch and a lot of places end up not being that well accessible.

What a silly question that is. Of course I’d win and you’d do better, as to not doubt that, pathetic little thing. Pah. I’m afraid I have never heard of that ‘Smaug’ and therefor I assume he can’t be that big of a threat in the first place. There is your answer. Don’t bother me anymore with stupid questions like that.

Who? I have never heard of a creature that goes by the name of Leonard

What chase? I don’t know what you are talking about.
Enough now! I’ll no longer listen to the babbling of this little hominid. It bores me.
Someone take it away, if it does not want to leave by itself.

Would I be allowed to visit and chat with you sometimes on a messenger? _{can I add you on Telegram?}

Tarkus' Player Version:
Heya Ilbv.
I'm afraid I don't really have time for chatting, so I have to say no to this. :C
You just would not get much out of it. No hard feelings~

Tarkus Version:
Now what makes you possibly think that I would converse with a pathetic mortal like you are?
You must be delusional. Get out of my sight.

Tarkus' Player - Oh, okay. I just thought it be nice to add you. Even if chats were rare. Mine is ilbvilbv if you ever changed your mind or were interested.

Tarkus - You're pretty damn mean Dragon. I like you guys a lot, and you're the first who has been a real bully. I'm just trying to make friends and enjoy the company of Dragons. Is that so wrong? It feels quite unfair that you'd invest your time into non-humans, but not give us a chance. We aren't all bad you know.

Would you be interested in an invitation to my lair for dinner? If so, what should I *NOT* prepare?

Do you think of me as foolish enough to fall for that witless trap of yours? I’ll ignore that blatant insult for now, since people requested that I’d keep this event peaceful and I gave them my word that I’d at least ‘try’ to keep it that way.

So… as to your… question… *He pauses for a moment to stare at you. Long enough so his silence could be considered almost impolite* Say I’d join you for dinner… I would not want to have any of those herbs and grains and berries, which only purpose is to feed creatures that other beings would consider as prey. Also don’t serve any hominid races. They are quite disgusting actually. I’d like cows though. I really enjoy taste of a nice, fat and juicy cow.

What are some thing you enjoy doing?

Good question. This might end up becoming quite the lengthy answer, so I try to keep it short, to not overextend the limits of your simple minds. I enjoy long flights and lazy days just basking in the sun. I enjoy sleeping on my wealth; yes don’t worry, I have a dedicated pile to sleep upon. I know of the effects my weight has on the treasure I hoard and I would not dare sleeping or lying upon the more precious pieces.

I enjoy the tastes of cows a lot. Hmmm… sweet, juicy cows. *Just the thought seems to get his mouth watering* I also enjoy most forms of art, be it poetry, painting, music, sculpturing, dancing… everything that’s pleasing to the senses and requires a high level of skill to perform pleases me. And of course I enjoy precious treasure, especially everything unique. I consider myself a dragon of fine taste and my collection certainly proofs that.

That's very interesting to hear~ I myself do a bit of poetry and art..not as good as some but I try.

As for the cows, a dragon as large as yourself, how many does it usually take to satisfy your hunger? I bet you can clear a few pastures quite quickly *he chuckled softly at the thought*

I'm sure you'll hate me for that, but I'm curious... how come you lost against the gods and lost your magic? How did your life go from that moment on?

And most importantly: How much does such a fat and lazy dragon weigh? *runs away*

*Visibly has to restrain himself from charging after that filthy little creature or drowning it in a sea of flames. The blue shimmering on his scales slightly vanishes and gives room for subtle hints of red, depicting his current mood* Hm… I’m not going to answer this one. Next question.

Deep as the abyss doth the burning desire flow. Knowledge and wisdom ride upon wings of ebony flame. The need OH! the NEED! it pounds and builds relentlessly, it must be set free. RELEASE THE DRAGON!

Technically this is not a question, little lizard man. But your words are certainly pleasing to my ears.
If you don't mind, I'd like you to stay after this little event and continue. And if you mind... well let's just say you don't mind. For your own sake.

O Tarkustralzar the Terrible, most avaricious of tyrants, have you ever considered taking minions into your service, or perhaps founding a dragon cult? Extra eyes might make security and catalog of your great hoard an even greater ease, giving your mighty self more time to enjoy it's tasty metallic benefits.

I considered it and I had a good amount of thralls and underlings throughout my lifetime. But they ended up being more of a burden than they could possibly compensate with their use.
I’ll only take thralls now, if I need them for a certain task and after that task is done, I tend to their disposal.
I just don’t have the time and means to keep them in check. They are quite fragile usually and often times of questionable loyalty and alignment. Thiefs, traitors and assassins *He almost spits out those words*
All in all more of a burden then of permanent use to me.

Ah yes, that is one of the downsides of villainy; one just can't get good help.

Sir Tarkustralzar, does thou ever get visits from those of royal blood?

A lot of hominids request an audience with me and yes some of them certainly use petty titles such as lord and king and magistrate to please their silly desire to somehow distinguish themselves from the endless sea monkeys they belong to and share most physical traits with.

I certainly prefer the royal hominids, since I can’t deny the power they hold is usually of more use to me. Even though some of them really think in my eyes I should consider and treat them different from all the other vermin. To me they all look the same. Some are just more useful than others.
Hm. Some even have the arrogance to claim that they bear enough power to make demands in front of me. Silly. I cannot be controlled. I make them understand that, before I kill them. Ever pathetic, ever fools…

so tarkus, dann frag ich mal was egoistisches :P was hältst du von mir?

Du? *Mit abwertend erscheinender Kühle mustern seine Augen den anderen Drachen von Kopf bis Schwanzspitze* Sollte ich dich kennen? Ich halte dich für äußerst anmaßend, wenn du glaubst bei dieser Veranstaltung - die sich offensichtlich um 'mich' dreht - Fragen über dich stellen zu können.

(Du und Tarkus sind sich noch nie begegnet, soweit ich mich erinnern kann. In diesem AMA antwortet nur Tarkus. "Das" ist nicht meine persönliche Meinung von dir. No hard feelings :I )

(achso über deinen char geht das. dann hab ichs verwechselt.^^)

nun dann frage ich, aus welchen gründen du dich anmaßt herrscher zu nennen? *er sah dich provokant an*

*Entgegnet nur recht kühl* Ich nenne mich nicht selbst Herrscher. Ich betrachte es eher als ein rein natürlicher Zustand, gemäß den Umständen. Ein Gesetz der Natur. Ich beherrsche und besitze alles, was nicht die Macht besitzt sich dagegen zu wehren.
Was versuchst du mit dieser Frage zu erreichen?

Nun ich wollte nur deine Definition wissen. Nun weiss ich das du mich in Frieden lassen wirst *gab er trocken Antwort*

Hello, oh great and terrible Tarkustralszar. What with this most generous offer, one in such a standing as myself cannot resist such a temptation, of course. So I bid favor of thee; please tell: Have you actually devoured any worlds yet? And also, who was your greatest opponent in battle and how well did you fare?

Worlds I devoured? Don't be silly, little colorful lizard man. It is merely a figure of speech, a silly title that lower creatures gave me and that I found to be quite fitting. I guess in some cases I certainly left the impression of devouring all that is precious to them. Be it my armies that trampled their land, my fire that consumed their cities or my appetite that got rid of their lifestock. *He chuckled amused*
So no. I never devoured an actual world... at least not that I know.

As to your second question: My greatest opponent? Hah! There were none, my little friend. I fought many battles, but never against a great opponent, because if they would have been truly great, then they would have won and I would not be standing here, answering questions.

Amazing! Truly, to have never encountered a force worthy of mention in all your years is a great testament to your might. But- if I may be so bold as to continue in my questionings- with such ease of conquest and assertion of your most noble will, with what activities do you fill your days? Do you enjoy the counting of your surely vast riches? Do you yearn for yet more? Do you find enjoyment in lording your great power over your lessers? Tell me, oh great one, I beseech thee.

I admit the days grew more boring as time went by. Things that used to excite me and fill me with joy back then, don't entertain anymore as they used to. Sure I enjoy my treasure and sometimes still find pieces that are worthy of expanding my collection. Sure I sometimes find amusement in toying around with lower creatures. It just got rare. Most things turned into a dull activity just to waste time, without igniting the fire in my heart.
To put it simple: I'm bored most of the time.

Ich frage mich gerade, hattest du schonmal einen Adrenalin rausch, Tarkus? Oder wie würdest du reagieren wenn du einen hättest?
Oder wie würdest du reagieren, wenn ... sagen wir mal, du aufgedreht wie als hättest du energy getrunken hattest machen? ^^

Ich hatte viele Momente dieser Art in meinem Leben, jedoch werden sie mit zunehmenden Alter seltener und seltener. *Sein Ausdruck schien in sich gekehrt, verloren auf den Wogen angenehmer Erinnerungen* Ja... damals schien jeder Tag voller Aufregung und Wunder. Jeder Sieg schien glorreicher als der Letzte, jeder Schatz größer und wertvoller und jede Partnerin schöner und aufregender als die Vorherige. Momente die das Blut in Wallung brachten und einen wissen ließen, dass man wahrlich lebendig war. Doch wie ich sagte. *Sein Ausdruck wurde von einem moment auf den anderen deutlich trübseliger* Diese Momente wahrhaftiger Ekstase sind mittlerweile sehr selten geworden. Die jagt nach ihnen umso schwieriger. Die Jagdgründe sind leer. Hier und da mag sich noch Wild verstecken, doch ist die Suche danach lang und mühselig und oft ist die Beute im Vergleich zu früheren Zeiten eher kümmerlich, dürr und arm in Geschmack.

Zusatz des Autors: Wenn du Tarkus reell ein paar Fässer Energy-Drink geben würdest, würde er wahrscheinlich die Charakterzüge eines Frettchens gewinnen für die Dauer des Rauschs. :D

Autor: Ohman das würd ich so gern sehen XD.... ein riese der auf einmal ganz flink hin und her rennt und dabei n kleines Erdbeben verursacht

Tarkustralszar: Uhm ... Erholen sich die Jagdgründe etwa nicht mehr? ... Hast du sie eventuell... übernutzt?
Und zu den mit Energie ... uhm ... irgendwo hier in der Gegend war doch eine Energy Drink fabrik, vielleicht heitert dich das auf?

Can I sit on your nose again? Please?

Silence Dog! What kind of insolent creature are you, to make those requests AND imply that it already happened in the past?! I should reduce you to cinder for this... this defamation! *He turns visibly red* Who do you think you are talking to, earthdweller? I... *Eyes shift from side to side uncertain* I... you... I feel rather... *The red of his scales starts to flicker a little* Rather generous today! And therefor I allow you to leave! Alive! You should be grateful for this gift, for I, the mighty Tarkustralszar, spared your petty life, short as it might be. Go now! Leave this place, before the insult of your presence becomes unbearable for me. *Makes a shoo-ing gesture* Leave now! LEAVE! *Adds an almost silent* Pleeease *Though of course based on his size it was still quite intelligible*

Uhm? Oh! Right, I shouldn't ask in public right? Uh... I mean... Oh, thank you mighty Tarkustrazala... Tarkustras... Oh, mighty dragon for sparing my puny life! I don't know what came over me to make such farfetched requests. *throws himself on the ground and then walks out backwards* ... We talk later though *whispers*

Hey... *Nervously stroked the back of his head and sighed* I know that we've had our differences in the past, but I had a bit of a personal question to ask you. I know this is a strange request to reduce your glory to, but for the purpose of this magnificent questionnaire, could you, maybe, lean your head in close so I can ask you?
*He smiled up at you with a sincere look and humble posture.*

Hmmm... *Hesitates a moment, eyes scanning over the crowd that had gathered and back to the human. Without a word he lowered his head beside him, resting it on the ground* What is it?

*Once the beast's head was firmly locked in place, the rider paused for a moment of sustained mystery, which I'm sure was agonizing for the clumsy creature. When the dragon could take it no longer, Leonard blew the loudest, wettest raspberry into Tarkus' ear. *
... PFFF-F-F-FTTTT!!

*Tarkus eyes widened to almost double the size. Surprise left him paralyzed for a moment. Uncertain what to do. That insolent creature probably saw its chance to run away, knowing that every moment from now on could be its last. Simple was that human, thinking there was even a chance of him getting away in the first place. He did not get far, not even a dragons arm length away, before Tarkus almost casually reached for him and trapped him under a forepaw. Slowly pulling him back to his side, thereby scraping his body over the rough soil.* Believe me when I say, that this was the last time you made fun of me in public. You'll stay here until my guests left and then... Well... I certainly don't want to spoil the surprise for you.
*He cleared his throat, shifting his attention back to the crowd.* Next question.

Oh great and magnificent tamer of man and beast, Master of Land and Sky, Subjugator of Lords, and Wielder of Wealth, the mighty and uncontested dragon Tarkusaltz-.. T-Tarkusralz-... *nervously chances a sidelong glance at the ink on his palm* T-Tar-kus-trals-zar... I-I am greatly humbled by such a gracious offer, and would like to ask: As an ancient and theoretically immortal being, what sorts of things have you seen that no short-lived creature such as myself would ever have the chance to witness?

(That made me chuckle :D )
Interesting question. I do believe, that some things my eyes gazed upon are far beyond your comprehension. I do admit though that my lifespan, even if more short lived creatures might deem it an eternity, is quite short compared to other creatures, yes even other dragons might still consider me young. I certainly have not seen mountains rise, continents shift and oceans dry. But I have seen realms of hominids rise and fall, creatures and civilizations being born and going extinct. I have seen forests grow and rivers turn, I have witnessed barren lands growing fertile and turning into deserts again. I guess my eyes saw a lot. Wars and cruelty; death and destruction; fear and pain and... fire. My eyes certainly saw way more fire than the eyes of creatures that would consider my existence in the song of life just a single beat of a drum.

Do you enjoy doing things personally or having someone do things for you? I imagine this will vary based on what said "things" are.

You are right, it depends. I do a lot of things by myself, just to stay in shape and I don't do a lot of things, they are simply below me and more suited for the hands of lower beings. Also even though I hate to admit it, but due to my size there are quite some things that I certainly can't do by myself. You have anything particular in mind?

Would you rather have others pay tribute to you or would you prefer to go out and seek treasure/food yourself?

I got so many journals at once, that this one flew under my radar. It was only by chance that I saw it. (Also, when it comes to AMA, please keep everything in english? My curiosity is endless when I see comments in other languages. And to also avoid the same question being asked twice. :3 )


You take a walk in the woods, and stumble upon a 3 meter tall blue dragon, which looks up at you. What do you do?

(I get your point, but I can't tell people, what language they should use in this journal. I personally don't mind and even enjoy to answer in my native language. Also maybe some people are just not as comfortable with english *shrugs his wings*)

I usually don't take walks in forests... based on my size I inevitably plow through them and end up leaving an ugly scar in the landscape behind me. Also I don't really enjoy picking the foliage and branches from my scales... they end up under them and give me a terrible itch. Forests are for small creatures to hide in. But anyway! Say if I would meet a 3 meter tall blue dragon somewhere else... I'll probably ignore him. If that "somewhere else" would be in my territory and that particular blue dragon would not have my permission to be there, I'd chase him away... if he's lucky.

If you had to give Suunto a cookie, a brownie, some ice cream, or all three, which would you give him?

Why would I 'have' to give that insolent, little creature anything but the pain and suffering he deserves?
Oh wait... I'd give him all of it. As much as he wants. He'll and up with cavities and diabetes. *Chuckles diabolically* :3

You evil diabolical bastard x3

Ah you say we're feeble now, but what happens if you meet an even bigger and powerful creature than yourself?

Tarkus: What a silly question. There is no creature that could possibly best my strength or my wits. Next question.

Author: To give you a better answer: He'd tuck his tail in and run away. Or to be more precise, thinks about a way to get rid of that creature without putting himself in much danger. He likes living and would not dare to risk his life in a fight against something stronger. Good chance is, he would not even fight something of equal strength.
But well. If he can figure out a way to destroy that creature, be it with wits or by manipulating other races to help him defeat it, without putting himself in too much danger, he'd do that. He's not a coward, but he sure is careful and usually only that big, smug and arrogant asshole when he is around creatures he totally overpowers.

He does sound rather cowardly

I'd call him smart and he'd agree :3

*Begins to quiver slightly in fear but manage to stay calm. Then kneels down in a respective bow towards you.*

O mighty Lord Tarkustralszar. Your grace and grandeur shows no bounds. I have come to you, as pitiful and meagre as I am, to pay my utmost respects and to offer my life and unquestionable servitude for whatever you wish from me. Rest assured that I have no intention to rob you of your fine collection of gold and riches, but to seek out knowledge from your limitless wisdom, as I respectfully ask but a simple question:

To what usefulness can feeble humans such as I do to ensure that you are wholeheartedly satisfied and content with the world around us?

This might be a bit of a weird question, but have you had people offer themselves to you? To umm... become s part of you?
*Looks up with a little wonder*

haz mister tarkus ever seen "black iron tarkus" before? oh and does mister tarkus praise the sun :3 ? -sways side to side happily-

Tarkustralszar has an interesting name. Was it derived from a certain song from a certain 70s prog rock group?

Have you ever flown upside down with your feet in the air just to make yourself dizzy? Would you do it in front of an audience if I promised you this Orb of Omniscient Wisdom as a reward? *Holds up magic 8-ball and grins impishly at the big, grumpy dragon*

Mister dragon! How would you like to replace or trade that human under your paw .... *He looks to the forepaw that holds Leonard under* ...for someone or something else?