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TWITTER IS FOR TWITS
9 years ago
General
HERE A TWIT, THERE A TWIT, EVERYWHERE A TWIT TWIT
just my ramblings about life, U KNOW, a twitter... i've been using it consistently for a couple weeks and seem to like it so I figured i'd share
plus I want to start going to cons! so idk u can get to know me more there. Basically the antidepressants i'm on are making me alive and aware again instead of the pseudo-awareness I had post-medication (notice my art is getting better? -I'M- getting better!)
RANDOM LIFE RANT RAMBLINGS: I'm not so stressed out about things any more cause my anxiety is mostly gone and feel (honestly) a little more badass, although QUESTION!!! my anxiety comes out as honest rage and anger now?? any one know how to control this? It's like i'm not afraid to be me, but there's just too MUCH me, like i'm a VERY honest person to the point of being a socially unaware douchebag because i'm just hellbent on telling it like it is? LIKE I'M SUCH A REAL PERSON, it feels good to be like this, but people almost LIKE to be lied to and sugar-coated and i will slap things RAW in people's face with no empathy or regard to their emotions because 98% of the time what I say NEEDS to be said. The things I say are things I WISH someone told me while I was basically drowning and dying in my own misery (sry to be emo)... Like I did have friends that said things like "I don't know who you are any more" and even though I was VERY sick physically and mentally, it snapped me out of it for at least a day, and I thank my friends so deeply for that because sometimes the beast does get out of control and needs to be put back it's place. I like to think about it as fighting someone's demons. I LOVE the people I yell at, I love the people I get angry with because I'm a big ol' momma and don't want to see anyone get hurt. It's funny, because I can hate someone as much as I want - and hate comes from the heart, which i understand, so the hate comes from caring, so it's like love in a sick way. IDK I LOOK AT LIFE FUNNY because I have to. I'm stuck in my head - a natural introvert - so I have to make ties with reality to my idealism - which is to see people at their best, FIGHTING FOR THEMSELVES and WHAT IS RIGHT. Right now we're in a very black and white world and it's become harder to live because people are more sensitive and pussyfoot their way around everything, and everything becomes a soft lesson. I believe in hard lessons. I've been give hard lessons all my life, starting with my parents, to my friends, to my work, to my relationship with myself and god/everything. It's all kinda been hard for me; not as hard as some, but just a little unnatural, a little difficult. I was raised weird and I'm weird because of it. I'm damaged because of it, but I FEEL more because of it... I feel people's pain, loneliness, suffering; i've been there, you know? I don't say much about my offline life but in the past few years I've really come to understand a lot more. Violence doesn't make me cry any more. Violence is unnecessary, but it's also natural. The world is surrounded by violence and I was very anxious, scared and terrified everyday because of it's dominion over not only us, but the natural world too. when I was anxious i couldn't understand predators and having to kill another living soul to eat. I still don't get it, but it makes a little more sense now. I certainly don't cry when I see a cheetah kill a zebra any more.
Sorry for ranting, I know I'm crazy, and there's probably going to be a lot of change seen here with me shortly. I'm tired of being tired, pushed around and beaten up because I didn't want to fight. I'm tired of watching things I care about suffer all over the world because I didn't want to fight. Fighting's a part of life, and I believe in fighting for what's right. If I don't fight, my demons take over. My demons have been at the wheel since I lost esteem for myself as an artist when all the shit happened. People don't realize how much damage their bullying causes people. It's not fair to destroy someone over human error. If you didn't want me to fuck up, go get a printer to make the art for yourself. I work for a LOT of people. My mind is always going because of ADHD and anxiety. I'm tired and peppy all at the same time. I'm a human being who hurts and gets tired after staying up for too long, and if I deserved to be treated like I have been by these people who don't even know who I am, then I also deserve to fight back. I was destroyed by injustice so many times and I'm still here. I'm still drawing. A year ago I was close to giving up everything - I truly believed I was worthless. And I wondered every time it crossed my mind if these assholes really believe that putting me down was worth it. I never fought back or explained myself. I was depressed. It was easier to just be the punching bag than to take a swing in return. Which is okay, I've never been a consistently aggressive person. It worked for me for a while to ignore it, but I can't deny how much it hurt. I'm grateful for the people who still support me and don't even care about this any more. It's just annoying when I go to make a new friend and the internet pissed on my name because they couldn't deal with it personally and had to make their issues public. You could have destroyed an artist that makes people happy. I don't get destroying artists. I never will. But I'm biased, and we artists have a lot of privilege these days, so it's only balancing that we get the bad with the good.
AND also about my art... this account is going to become a commissions collection account (it already is?) and my personal work and business will be migrated to my website which is undergoing revision once again (didn't like the name so I have to start over with a theme). I've been studying MASSIVELY if you haven't noticed, so a lot of my older art from a year ago onward is a big pissoff for me, but I leave the gallery as a timeline of my progress because about 3 pages in I want to start punching my eyeballs and ask "HOW THE FUCK DID I GET POPULAR AND SUCCESSFUL ON THIS?" because right now... with newfound education... all my old work looks like puke to me. Too much black, contrast, wrong value, poor anatomy... this embarrassing list goes on. But it's here so you can see my growth. ONLY HERE. Everywhere else is going to be going professional portfolio style with my favorite pieces.
anyways rant over haha i have nothing else to talk about
tl;dr: don't fuck with me i'm doing something
just my ramblings about life, U KNOW, a twitter... i've been using it consistently for a couple weeks and seem to like it so I figured i'd share
plus I want to start going to cons! so idk u can get to know me more there. Basically the antidepressants i'm on are making me alive and aware again instead of the pseudo-awareness I had post-medication (notice my art is getting better? -I'M- getting better!)
RANDOM LIFE RANT RAMBLINGS: I'm not so stressed out about things any more cause my anxiety is mostly gone and feel (honestly) a little more badass, although QUESTION!!! my anxiety comes out as honest rage and anger now?? any one know how to control this? It's like i'm not afraid to be me, but there's just too MUCH me, like i'm a VERY honest person to the point of being a socially unaware douchebag because i'm just hellbent on telling it like it is? LIKE I'M SUCH A REAL PERSON, it feels good to be like this, but people almost LIKE to be lied to and sugar-coated and i will slap things RAW in people's face with no empathy or regard to their emotions because 98% of the time what I say NEEDS to be said. The things I say are things I WISH someone told me while I was basically drowning and dying in my own misery (sry to be emo)... Like I did have friends that said things like "I don't know who you are any more" and even though I was VERY sick physically and mentally, it snapped me out of it for at least a day, and I thank my friends so deeply for that because sometimes the beast does get out of control and needs to be put back it's place. I like to think about it as fighting someone's demons. I LOVE the people I yell at, I love the people I get angry with because I'm a big ol' momma and don't want to see anyone get hurt. It's funny, because I can hate someone as much as I want - and hate comes from the heart, which i understand, so the hate comes from caring, so it's like love in a sick way. IDK I LOOK AT LIFE FUNNY because I have to. I'm stuck in my head - a natural introvert - so I have to make ties with reality to my idealism - which is to see people at their best, FIGHTING FOR THEMSELVES and WHAT IS RIGHT. Right now we're in a very black and white world and it's become harder to live because people are more sensitive and pussyfoot their way around everything, and everything becomes a soft lesson. I believe in hard lessons. I've been give hard lessons all my life, starting with my parents, to my friends, to my work, to my relationship with myself and god/everything. It's all kinda been hard for me; not as hard as some, but just a little unnatural, a little difficult. I was raised weird and I'm weird because of it. I'm damaged because of it, but I FEEL more because of it... I feel people's pain, loneliness, suffering; i've been there, you know? I don't say much about my offline life but in the past few years I've really come to understand a lot more. Violence doesn't make me cry any more. Violence is unnecessary, but it's also natural. The world is surrounded by violence and I was very anxious, scared and terrified everyday because of it's dominion over not only us, but the natural world too. when I was anxious i couldn't understand predators and having to kill another living soul to eat. I still don't get it, but it makes a little more sense now. I certainly don't cry when I see a cheetah kill a zebra any more.
Sorry for ranting, I know I'm crazy, and there's probably going to be a lot of change seen here with me shortly. I'm tired of being tired, pushed around and beaten up because I didn't want to fight. I'm tired of watching things I care about suffer all over the world because I didn't want to fight. Fighting's a part of life, and I believe in fighting for what's right. If I don't fight, my demons take over. My demons have been at the wheel since I lost esteem for myself as an artist when all the shit happened. People don't realize how much damage their bullying causes people. It's not fair to destroy someone over human error. If you didn't want me to fuck up, go get a printer to make the art for yourself. I work for a LOT of people. My mind is always going because of ADHD and anxiety. I'm tired and peppy all at the same time. I'm a human being who hurts and gets tired after staying up for too long, and if I deserved to be treated like I have been by these people who don't even know who I am, then I also deserve to fight back. I was destroyed by injustice so many times and I'm still here. I'm still drawing. A year ago I was close to giving up everything - I truly believed I was worthless. And I wondered every time it crossed my mind if these assholes really believe that putting me down was worth it. I never fought back or explained myself. I was depressed. It was easier to just be the punching bag than to take a swing in return. Which is okay, I've never been a consistently aggressive person. It worked for me for a while to ignore it, but I can't deny how much it hurt. I'm grateful for the people who still support me and don't even care about this any more. It's just annoying when I go to make a new friend and the internet pissed on my name because they couldn't deal with it personally and had to make their issues public. You could have destroyed an artist that makes people happy. I don't get destroying artists. I never will. But I'm biased, and we artists have a lot of privilege these days, so it's only balancing that we get the bad with the good.
AND also about my art... this account is going to become a commissions collection account (it already is?) and my personal work and business will be migrated to my website which is undergoing revision once again (didn't like the name so I have to start over with a theme). I've been studying MASSIVELY if you haven't noticed, so a lot of my older art from a year ago onward is a big pissoff for me, but I leave the gallery as a timeline of my progress because about 3 pages in I want to start punching my eyeballs and ask "HOW THE FUCK DID I GET POPULAR AND SUCCESSFUL ON THIS?" because right now... with newfound education... all my old work looks like puke to me. Too much black, contrast, wrong value, poor anatomy... this embarrassing list goes on. But it's here so you can see my growth. ONLY HERE. Everywhere else is going to be going professional portfolio style with my favorite pieces.
anyways rant over haha i have nothing else to talk about
tl;dr: don't fuck with me i'm doing something
but otherwise good
thank u for letting me know about ur wowie :)
:)
In terms of rage, try reading thich-nhat-hanh. He has a book about taming the inner fire, which is essentially understanding why you get angry. Generally there's something going on which you don't like, and understanding what is making you angry doesn't actually stop you being less angry, but does help you identify what needs to be addressed (removed) so you will feel better.
I love it, I can't thank you enough for your input. Bless~!
I can't wait to see what the future holds for you!
You're totally right, this is really new to me so I have to learn how to steer again. It's nice not to be pumped full of cortisol and to feel serotonin and dopamine again. SOMEONE ASKED ME TODAY IF I WAS GAINING WEIGHT AND IT MADE ME SO HAPPY TO HEAR THEM ASK THAT AHAHA i was like YES on the right path!
IT WILL BE A RICH AND LUXURIOUS FUTURE WITH MUCH HAPPY TO BEHOLD FOR ALL
gonna actually go get my passport asap this month (it's been like 4 years??? come on summer what is wrong with you 100% of ur friends r out of the country)
Like reaaaaally bad friendships and being lied to and she spotted it a mile away so I appreciate her honestly and just being there to take care of me. So its a good thing you're like that, don't let people tell you its too harsh or anything.
And I just followed your twitter ! I just started using mine more often, I used to use it a lot a few years ago but never got into it and I was trying to get away from said bad friendships above. But its a super good way to connect now it seems and I find it easier to make friends there? I hope you enjoy your time there !
YEAH my problem is I would spot the problem a mile away but none of my friends listened to me until it happened XD I still got thanked for it though!
TIME TO SPRUCE UP OUR LIVES AND ONLY CARE ABOUT US AND WHO WE LOVE because in our own little worlds that's all that matters <3 I'm glad you're better now!
If you want a rant, just ask me about what I think about the average furry's 'character design' skills. This over focus on individuality is understandable, but I'm completely tired of seeing commission art, YCH, and other such things. What I really want to see is original personal works.
Personal websites aren't trackable. They're great for advertising on a professional level, but actually keeping up with them compared to on a site like here (when it's properly used) is much different.
I'd rather your FA no longer have commission art uploaded and instead only have personal art. Original creativity stuffs. :|
And yes, Twitter is for twits, Smart Phones are for phoneys, and Tumblr is for tards. Social media is destroying our ability to actually be close to people because we have no reason TO be close to them. I haven't made a genuine friend in 5 years, because no one wants to be close to anyone they aren't already close to.
and I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND. I want to be an artist of substance, and my work has been very shallow for far too long now. Thank you for speaking up!
I think many people have forgotten how to process honesty. Where people's comments stem from, how much is hyperbole or sarcasm during more emotional moments. How much stems from bad experiences that may have left someone jaded. So when an opinion or even just a statement that ~isn't~ an opinion pops up that someone doesn't like, they take it personally and try to shout louder rather than reflecting on the origins of that statement and why it's being made. There's a truth to everything, even if it's not in the words themselves.
Before I go and follow a new gallery, and I do applaud you on feeling like it's time to consider taking a professional route cuz that's kinda cool, is there any assurance that it will actually get used? I know that Blue Deer has a personal gallery but it's never actually used because of the extra challenges of uploading there and the frustrations of not having the same watcher density doesn't help things.
In any case, I think there's two faces of the furry fandom. There's the individuality site that expresses itself through fursonas, fursuits, and personal identiy; and there's the anthropomorphic sci-fi/fantasy side that focuses on original material, conceptualism, webcomics, and other more writing-based forms of expression. Currently, there's no easy way to separate the two and actually find quality original content, and the problem's been getting increasingly more difficult to overcome. I've been tossing around the idea of "SciFurs", a furry convention explicitly designed around original content like writing and projects rather than individual commissions and the personal side. Maybe it'll happen some year somewhere but an official division may be needed before too much longer.
Thumbs up again, and I know the stuff actively in your gallery isn't going to be removed (have you taken the time to sort with folders yet? :D) and a website is a great thing to have when you want to catch the eye of the more commercially inclined, but as far as following as a fan it can be tasking. Webcomics are the easiest because it's a single continuous stream but RSS'ing to an art gallery seems weird to me. ;P
We are quite capable of making and maintaining real-life friendships while also having the ability to look up directions, facts, and the latest memes on our magic pocket computers. You can't blame a lack of friends on social media. 3 of my closest friends are people I met less than a year ago, all of whom happen to be avid internet-browsers.
Note that I consider actual friendship to mean direct contact on a basis of several times a week if not every day. :)
Quick edit: Note that the reason TV wasn't an inhibitor is the fact that when people wanted social contact they still had to go out and dedicate.
That's not to mention the economy being what it is contributing to reducing people's free time as a whole.
Just theorizing; all I can see clearly are the symptoms. People have less energy to socialize in meaningful ways rather than compressed impersonal bursts. :3
One of the personal rules that I told myself is that if I can't be honest with other people, I will at least be honest with myself. I will not hesitate to tell you what I think, but only if you ask, or if I feel like my opinion is really needed, because some people don't like to hear opinions even though everyone's entitled to them. Usually, I will tell others to think in an alternate perspective, so there is no strife towards an alternate party.
Besides that, there are a few other things I tell myself:
- Nothing is ever as bad as it seems.
- Everything is a grey area. I mean, think about it... Even people we think are disreputable have "Those people".
- Even if you feel like crap, force your objective mind to tell you "Come on now, you know that's not true".
- Make yourself think that you might actually be wrong. It will keep you from being too blunt and/or a total jerk.
Also you'll be doing a lot of great art ahead. :)
Anyway, I will really miss your personal art :( Maybe you could post it under a specific tag on your tumblr?
ANYWAY. This is just my two cents, what worked for me, take it as you will, but I hope it can help at least a little bit. For the anger and outbursts- that's something that benefits from the "soft skills" portion of getting everything under control. Being on the right meds is usually the first and most important step as it stabilizes you, but now it's a good idea to look into "retraining your brain" to handle things a little differently. Sasta's reading recommendation is a great example of this. Spend some time learning about not only how you think about and handle things, but the "why" behind it. This CAN get very dark so be prepared if you go that deep with it.
You will quickly find that once you delve deeper into yourself on those levels, you'll start learning how to understand others more easily as well- and how to be patient with them. It's TOUGH. Everyone has their demons and it takes a long time. But knowing the reasons why people act and react the way they do has helped me a ton with not being too blunt or "aggressively honest" (that's the best way I can put it, lol) with people.
Everyone is different but that's what worked for me, at least. Things still get to me and my "inner fire" still scorches a few folks every now and then but it's nowhere near as bad as it was when I first started going to therapy :P
I wish I could say something more specific than "it will get better" but I don't remember when and how exactly I got from "these intense emotions are overwhelming" to "feeling intensely is a normal part of me now," it just took time.
I also really appreciate honesty, even if it's unpleasant. I wish more people could be honest, and not get offended so easily when they hear an unpleasant truth. I've been told I can be very blunt too; I don't see any point in being any other way. :)
I'm super glad to hear you're feeling better than ever, Falvie! c:
Keep on pooping skittles and eating butterflies okay? <3 You're awesome.
My fA has basically become a place for commissions as well, I haven't posted personal art in a while (aside from the occasional 3 minute doodle). I've found I don't really have time as rent and bills are also a thing. However I've been thinking of posting my personal art elsewhere too, I just could never find a good place for it. dA is eh, and no one really uses all the other less known ones.
If you dont mind me asking, are you hosting your website somewhere in particular?
Also, about the angry outbursts... I've gone through the same thing, and it's due to my bipolar issues, being raised weird, and ptsd...
I don't know anything about your personal life, what you've been diagnosed with, or anything of that sort, but perhaps you might want to look into that? I'm no doctor, but I see a lot of myself in what you wrote so I'm just concerned for you is all ; ^ ; you sound like a great person, I've been watching you for a while, and I can relate to a lot of what you're going through.
I also hope I don't come off as rude or pretentious, I don't mean to just come in with a 'HEY UR PROBS THIS-' and ruin your good mood, cause either way it's great to feel that way and it's great that you're feeling better.
Meds and anger management therapy is what worked for me and my angry outbursts. Going to a therapist and getting it all out does wonders for your inner peace. In my case the anger is a self defence mechanism, so it's important to figure out what the source is and go from there.
I just want you to know that I love your art, and your vibrant colors. Do keep pushing through, because at the end of the day you're clearly a fighter, and I know how that is. You say you're going to give up but then you look at yourself a few days later and notice you're still going at it, and imo that's a great ability to have. SO don't feel bad about it. :)
If you need to talk to anyone just hmu ; v ; my skype is craigolicious, and don't worry if you don't want to add me, it's no biggie and I completely understand!
I just got back from the con in Dallas and yes go to cons. I didn't do half the socializing I meant to but it was still fun. Also, make sure you get enough sleep, unlike me lol. I haven't gone as "working con" on alley/den so can't say how well that would go, but I have a friend that wants to get into artist alley so I'm agonna be buttering up artists i know for inside info, lol. But I do know that twitter is useful to help find ppl and broadcast, like, if you set up in the dealers den and are open for business, etc.
As for emotions, well I have to work at being zen. There's no simple way to describe it other than pay attention and try to control it, it takes a lot of work and I'm still not great at it.
It's weird but I totally get what you're saying about the hate coming from your heart because of the love... like, hate and love are so close and stem from the same deeper emotion and feeling, both so powerful and you really can't have one without the other.
And honestly, great for you that you know how to tell people how it really is. I can't stand when people sugar-coat shit, like I always prefer an ugly truth being slammed in my face as opposed to a beautiful lie. Because where does that lie get me in life later on?? definitely not helping me to grow in any way, shape, or form.
And if we aren't growing, what's the point?
if you're not learning, you're not growing, and if you aren't growing you're not living, you're just dying.
I'm glad you chose to keep chasing art, honestly screw those people.
people seem to quickly lose sight of the fact that artists are HUMAN BEINGS before anything else.
You are not an art machine, you are a person with feelings and a life that affects you and your work.
I'm sorry people forgot that and caused you pain. But I'm glad to see you recovered and came back stronger than ever.
Sorry for the long comment, your rant got me excited~
<3 <3 <3
Also, don't feed the trolls. What they want is attention. Fight back and they win. Just block them.
I used to be a very honest people that love to shove a cold hard truth at people's face too
which make me have less friend than I would like to
I kinda understand that you love the people that you yell at because I does too and yeah I love to say that love and hate is two side of the same coin. You can love them so much but at the same time that can cause you to hate them as much
but since I have been dealing with lot of people these day I find that people are different
for some getting the cold hard truth have positive result but for some it might drag them down further
there are many way to get people to change for a better, it's depend on a chosen word and timing
There's no best way for everyone but there's just the right way and the right time for everyone
Like many test that have been happen though that majority of people respond better to positive things
that why people would choose the positive method first
There's a lot of deep stuff going on here but I'm not sure if you like me talking about it since it's just your rant and I'm not your regular on journal xD
but seem like you really are getting better from what you said
Also as for social media I normally stick with Twitter, less toxic than Facebook in my opinion
Tbh I thought you always had a Twitter o . O