Wrestling with some second thoughts and concerns about this new job. It's just an extra layer of intimidating unknown in so many aspects. And while my talk with the assistant manager yesterday went well and was comforting in that this company has gone 11 years without anyone being assaulted on the job...it's still something to think about. At my current job, customers have gotten angry sure, but no one has gotten violent and I've never felt physically threatened. At this new job, I'd be holding what the "bad guys" want and essentially the only thing between them and getting it.

Hence the service weapon and Kevlar vest. Which is a whole other unknown world unto itself. I've never even held a real gun before, honestly. Obviously this company offers training for the service weapon, so it's not like they're about to slap a gun in my hands and send me out to carry other people's money around. Still, my lack of experience concerns me. You always travel with a partner [for obvious reasons] which is comforting to -me-...but, frightening to think that just like I rely on them, they'll be relying on me as backup and protection.

Im sure that many of these fears and concerns will be quelled with a few weeks of training and experience in this new environment. But last night, as I was lying down waiting for sleep and thinking over the events of the day, some thoughts and phrases got stuck in my head and brought on a bit of a mild panic attack. I couldn't picture myself at the firing range, learning to use a gun. I couldn't picture myself walking alone into a Walmart to service an ATM. And I kept thinking back on the associate manager jokingly saying that not even cops want this job...because you have what the "bad guys" want.

...

All of that said... Now, in the light of day, I am feeling far more confident in my decision to move ahead with the hiring process for this new job. I suppose all of this is more of the same kind of feelings from one of my recent pictures, talking about daring to cross that line into something new. At the time, I was more thinking about a management position at Aldi and how that would differ from what I currently deal with in my day to day. And now with this new job there is all the same unknowns plus even more questions and concerns and the added intimidation of learning to use a gun. And along with the gun comes the realization that every day is going to be wildly different from my current time at work.

However, like the assistant manager said yesterday, it seems that many of the threats in this new job are prevented largely just by keeping your head up and being aware of your surroundings. I'm big and can be plenty intimidating when I need to be. I've been hit by a car and survived and I'm not afraid of pain. Not that any of that changes that all of this is entirely new and a bit frightening, but I'm going to approach it all with as much confidence as I can.

Anyways, sorry for the incredibly long post. Just working through some mixed feelings and fears while trying to stay positive...