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~Cancer's A Bitch~ It Happened Again
9 years ago
General
**These are the thoughts in my head and this is how i can express them for all to read**
Its ironic tat i write this journal because i dont know where else to release my thoughts without judgement not that i would be or something but i just need my thoughts to go somewhere. But the irony? Well i look over at at my past journals and the last time i updated something of major trauma in relation to cancer was no joke March 5th, 2015 titled ~Mom Is Sick~. So the irony here is that this time i'm unloading my thoughts about bad news i got this morning from oddly enough my mother mother via a phone call that my eldest brother aka "The Leader" of the family was just diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer. Its literally 1 year apart within the same#THE#obviously not a joke, but seriously.
I just dont know how im supposed to feel or what im supposed to think. I guess im frustrated and i have every right to be mad and angry with god and whoever else i want to be. I mean come on world, what else do you want to throw at our family, its not like you havnt ripped it apart before with my father who caused caused such pain with a messy divorce and family life growing up. My life for sure wasnt a cake walk and it still isnt. My eldest brother Mark doesnt deserve this burden on himself or his family. He earned everything he has now and he's been there for family (well except for me when i came out of the closet, but family is family just remember that). If anyone deserves to be stricken or punished with cancer, its the man who caused much of the pain in my#Father. I know its wishful and cruel thinking and there's no justifying it, but its just not fair. Who's next? Todd, Chad, Angela, or Me? There's a very good chance its in our family genetics and at some point in time one of us will get the call or be the one calling.
I think its safe to say I'm scared and I want to cry and im crying as i type this out. But we all must keep marching forward.
Its ironic tat i write this journal because i dont know where else to release my thoughts without judgement not that i would be or something but i just need my thoughts to go somewhere. But the irony? Well i look over at at my past journals and the last time i updated something of major trauma in relation to cancer was no joke March 5th, 2015 titled ~Mom Is Sick~. So the irony here is that this time i'm unloading my thoughts about bad news i got this morning from oddly enough my mother mother via a phone call that my eldest brother aka "The Leader" of the family was just diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer. Its literally 1 year apart within the same#THE#obviously not a joke, but seriously.
I just dont know how im supposed to feel or what im supposed to think. I guess im frustrated and i have every right to be mad and angry with god and whoever else i want to be. I mean come on world, what else do you want to throw at our family, its not like you havnt ripped it apart before with my father who caused caused such pain with a messy divorce and family life growing up. My life for sure wasnt a cake walk and it still isnt. My eldest brother Mark doesnt deserve this burden on himself or his family. He earned everything he has now and he's been there for family (well except for me when i came out of the closet, but family is family just remember that). If anyone deserves to be stricken or punished with cancer, its the man who caused much of the pain in my#Father. I know its wishful and cruel thinking and there's no justifying it, but its just not fair. Who's next? Todd, Chad, Angela, or Me? There's a very good chance its in our family genetics and at some point in time one of us will get the call or be the one calling.
I think its safe to say I'm scared and I want to cry and im crying as i type this out. But we all must keep marching forward.
I hope everything will get better for you and your family <3
There are things that we cannot control. The only thing we can do is to keep going. I had the same feelings with my father, it took decades to come to terms with it. I ended up understanding his issues, but could never forgive. It was all time wasted on hating, fretting, being pissed off, instead of living my life to the best of my ability. There are better things to be doing. If you need to chat, let me know.
we must kill it.