I sat alone, eyes wide, mind broken. My eyes stuck open staring at my monitor after witnessing an artist who's far beyond me go from concept to fully realized picture in a matter of minutes using their tools with divine skills that I could not comprehend. Lines formed into curves, shades blurred and before long a picture emerged. To me it felt like my brain curled up into a ball and hid in a dark corner of my skull to weep. How could I ever hope to even begin to understand the complex processes that went into making a picture of this caliber? Then it occurred to me. I'd made a terrible error. Speed-paints are not tutorials. I'll never learn this way, instead I must commit myself to sticking to the basics. Slow, deliberate learning. There are no shortcuts, progress will only happen through effort and practice and suffering; but in the end it will pay off... I'm sure of it! I thrust my fists up to the heavens and shout "I will not give up!"
There's nothing else to do, my path is clear to me; frightening and difficult. I will find a guide, a teacher. I will commit myself to practice and learning and then perhaps maybe someday I can break someones mind too.