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Feeling better! So update and such.
9 years ago
Well, I think I found part of the reason for my burnout is being a little too much of a focus on perfectionism, and keeping up with everything, like, everything everything, and helping friends, and being nice and pleasant all the time to people I don't even like, and not speaking my mind or speaking up at all when I really should be.
There's such a thing as too nice.
I think I do that a lot.
Wanna help everyone and make everyone feel better, and happy, and fix all the problems and make the world a better place, and ohshit there I go, I've just worked myself into an emotional coma. Oops.
Doesn't work out so well.
I can't keep up, really. I mean goodness knows I try time and again, but then I start trying to catch up, and I get buried under an avalanche of things I haven't finished or done, or should be doing, or feel like I should be doing, and I make myself a bit crazy by putting ridiculous expectations on myself.
And when you try to take on more than you can handle... you know, bite off more than you can chew... you just flail around for a bit, and choke, and die.
Well, okay, maybe not die, but you don't get a bloody thing done when you're trying to move an entire mountain at once, rather than stone by stone.
Metaphors aside, I need to learn how to pace myself and focus on one thing at a time.
Multi-tasking is all well and good if you actually make progress... but if it's just a drop of water from several different leaks in your sanity boat...
I dunno how to explain it without metaphor.
How could I possibly talk to every single one of my friends as much as I'd like to, go through each and every piece of art from artists I admire, keep up with my own art, be there to support my friends when they need me, build a fursuit, make a living, learn to sing and dance, get outside and enjoy the wilderness, and still have enough time to breathe?
I can't.
That kinda sucks, but I can't.
If I keep trying to do it all at once, I'll never do any of it.
So where's that leave me? How do I decide what's more worth doing than any other thing?
No freakin' clue.
But I have to try and keep myself focused. That means some of the things I want to do are going to be left undone.
If I'm making progress in one thing, it means I'm not doing so in the others.
And especially when it comes to my friends, I can't prioritize any one over another.
So it'll have to be the ones who can put up with an erratic creature such as myself.
I spend so much time trying to 'make it up' to people I haven't talked with recently... I don't really get a lot of me time.
And I need me time.
I really need to keep reminding myself I can't take on the whole world at once.
I mean, sure, I want to, but sometimes I just need to not do that.
So I can stop burning out, which takes even more time to recover from.
I'm getting better at it. I'm even drawing again.
I'm not responding to all the messages I get - I wish I could, but there's only one of me.
I need to practice not trying to do EVERYTHING, so I can at least get SOMETHING done.
I'm getting there, and figuring it out, which is why I'm feeling better.
It hurts to let some things go, but I've gotta get my priorities straight.
And I've gotta make my emotional stability one of those priorities.
Even if it means I'm not super pleasant and agreeable and happy 24/7 with everyone I meet.
Sometimes I just don't want to talk, or would prefer to be honest, rather than nice.
I need to practice that. No sense screaming inside with a smile outside, when I could just speak up and be done with it.
This isn't directed at anyone, so if I haven't said anything to you, don't worry.
If there is an issue... well, I need to learn and address those honestly.
So if I don't say anything, there's no issue!
Much love to all the friends I couldn't possibly fit on one page.
I've got shit for money, but I'm still rich when it comes to the people I care about.
That means more to me than a bunch of stupid numbers could ever mean.
So thank you, to all my friends <3 You know who you are!
There's such a thing as too nice.
I think I do that a lot.
Wanna help everyone and make everyone feel better, and happy, and fix all the problems and make the world a better place, and ohshit there I go, I've just worked myself into an emotional coma. Oops.
Doesn't work out so well.
I can't keep up, really. I mean goodness knows I try time and again, but then I start trying to catch up, and I get buried under an avalanche of things I haven't finished or done, or should be doing, or feel like I should be doing, and I make myself a bit crazy by putting ridiculous expectations on myself.
And when you try to take on more than you can handle... you know, bite off more than you can chew... you just flail around for a bit, and choke, and die.
Well, okay, maybe not die, but you don't get a bloody thing done when you're trying to move an entire mountain at once, rather than stone by stone.
Metaphors aside, I need to learn how to pace myself and focus on one thing at a time.
Multi-tasking is all well and good if you actually make progress... but if it's just a drop of water from several different leaks in your sanity boat...
I dunno how to explain it without metaphor.
How could I possibly talk to every single one of my friends as much as I'd like to, go through each and every piece of art from artists I admire, keep up with my own art, be there to support my friends when they need me, build a fursuit, make a living, learn to sing and dance, get outside and enjoy the wilderness, and still have enough time to breathe?
I can't.
That kinda sucks, but I can't.
If I keep trying to do it all at once, I'll never do any of it.
So where's that leave me? How do I decide what's more worth doing than any other thing?
No freakin' clue.
But I have to try and keep myself focused. That means some of the things I want to do are going to be left undone.
If I'm making progress in one thing, it means I'm not doing so in the others.
And especially when it comes to my friends, I can't prioritize any one over another.
So it'll have to be the ones who can put up with an erratic creature such as myself.
I spend so much time trying to 'make it up' to people I haven't talked with recently... I don't really get a lot of me time.
And I need me time.
I really need to keep reminding myself I can't take on the whole world at once.
I mean, sure, I want to, but sometimes I just need to not do that.
So I can stop burning out, which takes even more time to recover from.
I'm getting better at it. I'm even drawing again.
I'm not responding to all the messages I get - I wish I could, but there's only one of me.
I need to practice not trying to do EVERYTHING, so I can at least get SOMETHING done.
I'm getting there, and figuring it out, which is why I'm feeling better.
It hurts to let some things go, but I've gotta get my priorities straight.
And I've gotta make my emotional stability one of those priorities.
Even if it means I'm not super pleasant and agreeable and happy 24/7 with everyone I meet.
Sometimes I just don't want to talk, or would prefer to be honest, rather than nice.
I need to practice that. No sense screaming inside with a smile outside, when I could just speak up and be done with it.
This isn't directed at anyone, so if I haven't said anything to you, don't worry.
If there is an issue... well, I need to learn and address those honestly.
So if I don't say anything, there's no issue!
Much love to all the friends I couldn't possibly fit on one page.
I've got shit for money, but I'm still rich when it comes to the people I care about.
That means more to me than a bunch of stupid numbers could ever mean.
So thank you, to all my friends <3 You know who you are!
It's nice to see who sticks around when I'm not helpful or useful too X3
I figure if that's the only reason someone sticks around, I don't want 'em to!
It's a lot easier and much more pleasant to give to people that don't demand it.
Thank you for being my friend too <3
Yesh, I know what you mean, I've had fair weather friends and unfortunately I've been one myself at times ><
Mmhmm, and oh you don't need to thank my gosh, you give more to me than I give you, I fear, so I want to thank you for being my friend
Helping others has led to the house being a complete mess, the garage being a complete mess, and I've been waiting since August for help to carry something into the house, 5 to 10 minute task, and 2 years for a help with the garage and a car, now that it's time to call in favors no one is around, they talk about wanting to hang out, or say they will be over to help then don't show, almost 2 weeks ago I have dropped that group, (non furs) and everything is now off limits, now trying to politely find a way to get them to remove their stuff. I've told them furry and motorcycle comes first, I am not dropping any projects or making any more time for them. Garage is permanently closed for them, it's too far beyond too late.
My 2 closest furry friends have offered to help but they are so overwhelmed with their own problems I don't want to add to it.
Probably won't make it to FTM, between work and family I will only have Sunday, and am best off putting that money to car parts, especially since I don't know if It even make it to FTM if I try.
I figure the friends that stick around when you're not giving them stuff are the ones worth keeping.
So it can be a good thing to say no... I think it helps figure out who's actually worth the time and effort X3