I just wanted to tell you all I'm not dead. I decided to go back to my friend's house a few hours after getting home and we've been super busy.

Everything from September until now was just a warm up and things are going to get infinitely more difficult. This year isn't giving me a break. Especially this month.

Mom moved the date I'm being forced out forward, my friend is having problems at home and I'm caught between a rock and a hard place at the moment. Things aren't ok and they aren't going to be ok.

I really appreciate the people who talk to me and treat me like I matter. Some of you guys are far more talented than me. Sometimes I wonder why a nobody like me is even on your radars.

I uh... I want to get to know you guys more and maybe even hopefully become good friends with you guys.

Things are tough and they're going to get so much harder, but something sticks to my mind. People have told me there's no stupid reason to stay alive, and that comforts me a lot. One of the biggest things that honestly keeps me going is one day playing the new Monster Hunter that comes out this year with my friends.

I don't have Anna anymore. I can't look forward to seeing her and kissing her. Everything I've been through for her meant nothing and the real kick to the groin is that no matter how hard I worked to make seeing her in person a reality... She's already seeing a foreign friend this month who put nowhere near the amount of effort into anything as I did. I was just a placeholder all over again.

This is going to be the hardest year of my life. I just hope I have enough strength in me to keep going forward, because it's starting to feel like I'm close to bleeding out.

I'll send a couple of you some private notes while my friend is playing Age of Mythology and I'm watching. I probably won't be able to answer all of your comments but I just wanted to say that I really appreciate what you guys have said to me lately. Thank you, really.