FA+
Shop
Nostalgia.
9 years ago
Don't let your dreams be dreams. It's weird... My presence on the internet is so well known by so many, that this is the only place I can post my thoughts freely and not have to worry about the backlash. It's weird to me that this is my safe space. But also fitting, considering what's on my mind right now.
There's this song that I haven't heard in ages, a song that I thought I'd imported to my new laptop from my old iTunes library. Breathless, by Darren Hayes. But when I tried to find it, there wasn't a single trace of it on this shiny new laptop. So, I went to turn on my old desktop to see if I could find the file, and... it's dead. Entirely. It wouldn't turn on no matter how many times I unplugged it and plugged it back in, no matter how long I held the power button, no matter what I tried. Hundreds of pictures, thousands of songs, millions of memories, just... gone.
And that got me thinking about this website, my years spent as a furry, my art, my random musings, my old habits and tastes. It made me realize that I don't miss the person I used to be. The me that used this website years and years ago wasn't... me. I hid behind walls of cynicism and abrasiveness that don't exist in real life. I tried to force myself into a way of life that didn't line up with my values. I've grown a lot as a person, into someone a lot more honest with both the world and themselves, and even though I may not be proud of the journey that brought me here, I'm proud to BE here.
And finally, the whole reason I'm writing this; you. If you're reading this and you either just rolled your eyes or groaned or something, then yes, this is directed at you. Because on my little nostalgic trip, I couldn't skip over how horrible I was to you. How wrong it was of me to aim my fury so carelessly. How unfair of me it was to react to things the way I did. Especially because now, all I want to do is thank you. You helped mold me into the person I am today, and on most days, I like that person. Our time together was brief, but powerful. And I still think about it now and then. I still check up on you here and there, not even because I necessarily want to reconnect or anything. I just like knowing that you're still alive.
I don't know what's bringing on all these feels. Maybe I'm just a sucker for the old days, maybe I'm just a loser who can't let go of the past, maybe it just hit me that tomorrow would have made seven years together. But... if you're reading this, and you want to find me and say hi, you're more than welcome to. Because we've both changed a lot, and I wouldn't mind getting to know the new you.
And for the record? I'm really, REALLY glad you're still alive.
There's this song that I haven't heard in ages, a song that I thought I'd imported to my new laptop from my old iTunes library. Breathless, by Darren Hayes. But when I tried to find it, there wasn't a single trace of it on this shiny new laptop. So, I went to turn on my old desktop to see if I could find the file, and... it's dead. Entirely. It wouldn't turn on no matter how many times I unplugged it and plugged it back in, no matter how long I held the power button, no matter what I tried. Hundreds of pictures, thousands of songs, millions of memories, just... gone.
And that got me thinking about this website, my years spent as a furry, my art, my random musings, my old habits and tastes. It made me realize that I don't miss the person I used to be. The me that used this website years and years ago wasn't... me. I hid behind walls of cynicism and abrasiveness that don't exist in real life. I tried to force myself into a way of life that didn't line up with my values. I've grown a lot as a person, into someone a lot more honest with both the world and themselves, and even though I may not be proud of the journey that brought me here, I'm proud to BE here.
And finally, the whole reason I'm writing this; you. If you're reading this and you either just rolled your eyes or groaned or something, then yes, this is directed at you. Because on my little nostalgic trip, I couldn't skip over how horrible I was to you. How wrong it was of me to aim my fury so carelessly. How unfair of me it was to react to things the way I did. Especially because now, all I want to do is thank you. You helped mold me into the person I am today, and on most days, I like that person. Our time together was brief, but powerful. And I still think about it now and then. I still check up on you here and there, not even because I necessarily want to reconnect or anything. I just like knowing that you're still alive.
I don't know what's bringing on all these feels. Maybe I'm just a sucker for the old days, maybe I'm just a loser who can't let go of the past, maybe it just hit me that tomorrow would have made seven years together. But... if you're reading this, and you want to find me and say hi, you're more than welcome to. Because we've both changed a lot, and I wouldn't mind getting to know the new you.
And for the record? I'm really, REALLY glad you're still alive.
