Why I Enjoyed My First Con - Part 2
Or: A Self-administered Psychological Analysis of the Actions and Reactions of an Overly Sensitive Creature Attending His First Furry Convention - Part 2

I'll be honest, this next entry has taken a bit longer than it should have. I have actually been done with it for a few days now, but I realized that this topic deserved a bit more attention than I had given it. So, I decided to start over. Now, let's talk about something that we shall call, for lack of a better word, sincerity. Have you ever heard the saying "out of sight out of mind?" It takes a considerable amount of effort to think about that which we cannot directly see. Do you live in a city? How many people live in that same city? Try to picture it. Each and every one of those people are a unique and special individuals. The protagonist of their very own story. Then consider the cities around yours. Then remember you live in one of 196 countries on earth. 7.4 billion people in all, each with a similar desire. We all want to matter to someone else. Consider the people in your life that you love to be around. Odds are that they tend to make you feel special in some way. This was one pattern of behavior that stood out to me at FWA. I recall a moment,standing there in a circle of people talking, and these people were listening. This threw me off slightly. I have spent most of my life around people who don't actually pay attention to what you are saying if it isn't interesting to them. Their minds are constantly working, thinking about how and when they can steer the conversation towards their preferred topic. Well what's wrong with that? Isn't this journal about sincerity? Isn't listening the whole point of what I'm saying? Yes it is, but allow me to explain. I've been told that I am a great listener, I just think I'm quiet but whatever, the point is that it became clear at FWA that even I had something to say. Now, all of the sudden, people are listening. They are paying attention, and they remember my name. As the con progressed I met new people, talked with them, said goodbye, and ran into them again and again. They remembered my name and what I had talked about. At this point I was completely floored. You see, relationships that last are built on a few important things. Trust is the biggest one, but if you don't have a genuine interest in someone, it will eventually show. This damages us, even if we don't realize it. Subconsciously, we pick up on subtle things like body language, word usage, and facial expressions. We can tell when people don't care, and we can tell when they do. Conversation is a balance of give and take. The problem arises when the give isn't there, so we are forced to take (or in my case just give up and shut up). But FWA broke the pattern. Long ago, I met someone who completely changed my view of people. This person made me feel special, they are the reason my name is J. Everyday I try to be like this person. I try to make someone feel special. I try to genuinely care about someone. Before FWA, I thought I was the only one who did this. In the span of one weekend I had experienced more genuine and sincere interest in my story than I had in a few years anywhere else, and it's all because of You. In the furry fandom everyone is special. We all have something to offer, something to share, and a story to tell. That has value in your eyes, thereby making the furry fandom a place where everyone feels at home (more on this in the next journal *wink*). I had been heavily debating weather or not to include this next bit, but I pride myself on my honesty and transparency, so here we go. About halfway through FWA someone said something. They weren't trying to be mean, and there are no hard feelings, I'm just overly sensitive. Still, it got to me. The worst thing for me at that point was to be alone, so I found a chair on an empty balcony and did exactly that. While I was sitting there I started thinking about the weekend thus far (very very dangerous, last time I got to thinking I just about took over the world). The only thing I regret about that whole weekend was that, at that moment, I began to question the sincerity of those I had met, even though they had nothing to do with this one person or their comment. I decided, being the incredibly smart idiot that I am, to conduct a little test. I'd construct simple emotional wall, like all the ones I had left at home. If these people truly cared, even a little bit, then they would have not trouble getting through. For the rest of that day no one managed to pass my test. As I began to head home, I got a hug from a fursuiter and wondered if I would come back tomorrow. I'm not entirely sure why I did, but the next day I walked in the front doors of the Marriott Marquis. An hour later, a few furs came through that wall with a battering ram and full SWAT gear. All this is to say, we don't have to be selfless all the time. We are all inherently selfish creatures, there is no changing that. I will be the first to point the finger at myself as an example. I can be extremely self-centered if I don't put forth a conscious effort to care about the people that matter to me. But if we spend even 1% of our day focused on someone else we can easily quench the raging desire of everyone we meet. The desire to matter. Thank you again for reading through this entry. It was a fair bit longer than I was expecting, but I would love to hear what you have to say on my observations below.

Sincerely,
J